Growing and nurturing the intimacy in marriage is important every single day of the year, but never more so than during the holidays. To be intimate with someone is not just about the physical connection, but also to access that person’s deepest nature.
We are so delighted to have the brilliant Ande Lyons back with us this week to share some very do-able, very actionable and very sexy tips to keep us connected during the holiday season.
5 Ways to Increase Intimacy in Marriage During the Holidays
By Ande Lyons
Holidays are terrific fun, but stressful too. Even the best relationships are tested! What can you do to make sure your Holiday Season remains a time of harmony, peace on earth… and goodwill toward lovers? Here are five proven ways to stay in perfect tune with your Sweetheart/Lover/Partner!
1. Connect every morning
“If you stop even for 4 or 5 breaths – and look your partner in the eyes while speaking, the connecting power of your communication will improve,” say Susie and Otto Collins, relationship experts.
So true! My husband and I practice this technique first thing every morning… over French roast coffee… in bed. It’s a quiet place to share thoughts and feelings that we might be too tired to share at the end of the day. And we love to verbally list the things that make us grateful. It puts the right spin on a new day.
2. Show physical affection
Whenever possible during the holidays (and every day), take a few moments to really tune into your darling… let him/her feel your physical warmth, love and appreciation. Happy hugs are just a start…
Kissing regularly and passionately is one of the most important things you can do to keep your relationship hot.
Kissing sparks an immediate surge of hormones in our brains – causing sensations of pleasure and excitement. Kissing reduces cortisol levels, a stress hormone. Most importantly, it says: “We are more than just companions, more than just friends. We are sensual, we are lovers.
Get-togethers, parties, kids and friends – sometimes you get so busy over the holidays that you barely see one another.
Couples can starve for sex during this period, but making love is too important to miss. So why not adapt to circumstances? Holidays are the perfect time for a quickie.
Reflect on life’s most erotic moments, and I’m sure you’ll remember a few encounters that happened in less than 10-minutes, in an unusual place… a car, a bathroom, a rooftop… and the memory of which still makes you smile to this day! Well, you’ve got a car, a bathroom, maybe even a roof deck… time for quickie fun.
3. Practice positive thinking
The better your partner feels about himself/herself, the more attracted you’ll be toward one another. This means focusing on your partner’s best qualities and virtues versus shortcomings. Ruminating about quirks and foibles only leads to big disagreements. People in healthy and sexually active relationships focus and remember more of the favorable versus unfavorable experiences they’ve shared together.
Make it a point to say nice things to one another multiple times each day. This might sound corny and old fashioned, but the science behind it is irrefutable: physical desire and sexual rapport are intensified by thinking positively about one another and behaving the same way.
4. Write love notes!
OK, despite best intentions, you’re both flying in a dozen different directions with all those crazy holiday activities. But everyone has time to read a love note. A little note at the right time and place can have a wondrous impact on your relationship, your love life… your sex life! Feeling tender? Then try: “Every time I see you I fall in love all over again.” Not quite what you had in mind? Looking to get tenderized instead? Try: “I’ll be good… if you’ll be bad… or: “Tell me your fantasies… and I’ll tell you mine…” That one always works!
5. Plan for Romance – Book a 24-hour getaway (in advance!)
In spite of the first four tips on how to stay sane and completely in love during the Holidays… if you’re still a bit worried about going crazy, don’t fret. I’ve saved the best tip for last!
Before the snow flies and the families arrive, book a beautiful room at a nearby hotel. After the fun and obligations are finished, check in. Champagne is a must.
Keep your agenda flexible, but whatever the order, practice gratitude, eat great food, make love, reflect on what’s most important, make love again… you get the idea!
Just knowing that you’ve got your little getaway all lined up… will put a smile on both your faces, a snap in your step, and make the Holidays more joyous than ever!
Ande Lyons is the founder and Chief Passion Curator for BringBackDesire.com, where she tastefully and playfully shares tips, tools and resources with women who want more sensuality and sexual excitement in their lives. As the host of the Loving and Lasting Radio Show,Ande helps couples stay tuned in and turned on to each other through her engaging and informative conversations with love experts, relationship experts, and authors.
An enthusiastic and experienced entrepreneur with an MBA and several successful businesses to her credit, Ande is enjoying a well-balanced life (really!) managing her growing business while raising two wonderful boys with her husband. Her book, Loving and Lasting: How to Stay Tuned In and Turned On in Your Marriage is available on Amazon.
So grateful to Ande for these simple and inspiring tips!
This week’s LoveWork is to take a post it and write a love note. It can be as simple as “I fall more in love with you every day.” Or “I can’t wait to see you tonight!” Resist the temptation to overcomplicate this. Yes – you. I know my peeps! Just a grab a post it and write something.
How will you stay connected this holiday season? Please share in the comments.
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