What feels nourishing right now?
That’s a question I ask my private coaching clients a lot and they often have a hard time answering it.
The truth is, when I ask myself that question, I sometimes don’t know the answer immediately.
I need to pause and breathe and tune in to my highest inner wisdom and ASK.
And LISTEN for the answer.
And just like you, I go online looking for solutions to my problems…HELLO MAGIC GOOGLE MACHINE….
I’m sure you have done it too.
So there we go, looking for solutions to our problems and just feel like we need something…ANYTHING to help us feel better in our marriage or find a way to share how we feel without starting a fight we don’t know how to win.
Sometimes you don’t even know exactly what the problem is or don’t have words for it.
How can you fix your problem if you have no idea what you need to actually solve it, right? So what do you need?
What would be the MOST helpful to you right now?
Is it accountability?
More resources?
Feeling worthy and deserving of your own desires?
Understanding boundaries and how implement them?
Is it more time?
Do you feel like you can’t make any progress at all unless your partner gets on board?
What would feel the most nourishing to your heart? To your soul? To the part of you that is running on empty and needs a bowl of comforting soup and a nap?
Hey – maybe part of what you need is soup and a nap! 😉
A lot of the women in my community tell me they just don’t know how to communicate with their partner.
And while communication can be a huge factor when it comes to having a healthy, thriving relationship, we also can’t wait around for our partners to start making our marriage better.
I mean you could. But if you have tried that for a while already, you know that doesn’t work.
You have to decide.
YOU. Not anyone else.
You have to DECIDE.
You have to ask what you need and you have to decide to get it.
You have to decide to nourish yourself. And to stop waiting and start now.
And in order to make that decision, you have to start by asking, What do I even need right now?
Eventually we have to take the leap.
We have to see our partners and our own hurt moments and realize there is a root cause to what is happening.
And we need to find it.
We have to consider the idea that maybe what our partners are doing and saying and thinking isn’t the actual problem.
It’s what WE are thinking and feeling and doing that we can do something about right now and it really is the best place to start.
We just THINK that communication is the problem. Or the lack of it. Or the fight you keep having over and over again.
I know that for my clients, once they SEE how they are SEEING things and adjust their perspective, they start having huge shifts in their relationship.
Recently one of my clients told me her marriage was the best it’s ever been.
And it’s not because they stopped fighting. It’s because their fights are blips. Moments in time. Chapters, not novels.
But in order to be the person who does not start the fight in the first place or calms down in the middle of one, you have to become the person who starts asking, what do I really need right now?
What feels most nourishing to me?
That is why I teach all my clients how to use power questions – questions that return you to your own power.
And that is why I work in coaching engagements that are 6 months long.
Because in the beginning, we just need to figure out what you need right now. And some of my clients have not asked themselves that question, really deeply and really truly IN YEARS. So it takes a minute. It takes a pause and another one and another one until we figure it out. Together.
If you want my help to get what you need, you can learn more about my 1:1 coaching program here and book a time to speak with me about working together.
In the meantime, I want to know —
What is missing for you right now? What do you need to bridge the gap between wanting and actually GETTING what you want out of your marriage right now?
I invite you to make a commitment today, right now, in this moment, to start asking that question and bridge the gap somehow between where you are right now and where you wish you were, even if you need help getting there.
