Hello, everyone. We are going to keep it super powerful and super focused today. And I am so excited to share Three Beliefs You Bust Have To Make Changes In Your Marriage, but first I’m going to share a fun behind the scenes with you all. I was recently interviewed on one of my mentors podcast. Her name is Susan Hyatt. She is amazing. She’s a brilliant coach and business woman. She teaches women unconventional health and wellness principles, and she has an amazing book called Bare, which you should totally check out. I will link to it in the show notes. It’s all about body love and living our life and really looking at health and wellness through totally new eyes. Anyway, she has two things that she does. She helps women love their bodies, and she helps coaches like me. She mentors them. And her podcast is called the Rich Coach Club.
It’s for coaches like me, who are building their businesses and they want to have a life at the same time. And on her show, we talked about the Questions For Couples Journal and how to keep a marriage strong. And it was so much fun. I will definitely link to that in the show notes so you can check it out. So at the end of the episode, Susan recorded something after our conversation, which I hadn’t heard until the actual episode came out and it was this really beautiful invitation to our listeners to check out my podcast. And she shouted-out two episodes, How To Argue Better and Sex in Stressful Times. And I had this huge smile on my face and the hubby asked me, why am I smiling? And I tell him it was these two episodes she did the shout out to the podcast.
He says, I live in stressful times and I like sex. And listen, I could not stop laughing. It just makes me laugh every time I remember. So I asked him if it was okay to tell all of you so you can laugh with us. And he said, yes, because he’s a good guy like that. So there you go. And we will link to all the things I just mentioned in the show notes. Okay. So I mentioned that in another episode that I’m really diving into learning exactly what it means to be anti-racist and I have been reading a lot and I’ve been learning a lot and I’m going to be sharing things that I learned as I go through my journey. And especially as they relate to marriage or to mindset or to any of the other concepts that I teach that I teach you now, and then I’ll teach you in the future.
And today I have a quick note, a quick note, and a quick quote that I think is so good. And it totally applies to how you think about your partners. So listen up. This is a quote about the police and it’s like, how is the police similar to the love of your life? I’m going to read you this quote by Jon Stewart, and then we’re going to unpack it together. So here it is. Jon says, you can truly grieve for every officer who has been lost in the line of duty in this, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach. Those two ideas are not mutually exclusive. You can have great regard for law enforcement and still want them to be held to high standards. And this really sums up how I feel about the situation with the police. And I’ve been thinking about this quote since I saw it for the first time.
And I started thinking how similar it is to having a partner where they might have a huge flaw something that feels like a big deal. Maybe they lie when the truth would suffice or they overspend, or they never notice when you wear something extra special or something that could be big or small, but it just cuts really deep. So there is your partner and there’s a huge flaw. And then there’s your love for your partner. And it’s like, you can still love them and want what’s best for them and care about their safety and care about their well being. And yet still think that particular flaw is unacceptable. It’s like we can hold two opposites and both can be true and both can be real. And that is totally okay. So that quote just made me think, and I just wanted to share it with all of you and I hope it makes you think too.
So sit with that and see what you find when you sit with that a little bit. Okay. So today we’re going to talk about three beliefs. You must have, if you want to make changes in your marriage. When you think about making changes in your marriage and in your relationship, one of the core beliefs you need to have is that you are worthy of better, that it’s worthwhile for your time, for your investment of your attention and your focus to take positive action on your own behalf to create a better relationship. And a lot of times the things that stops us is not taking stock and not looking at ourselves and our life and saying, and really owning the idea that I deserve to have a relationship that feels good most of the time. And one of the things I believe in is imperfect action.
You start where you are with what you have and might look messy and may need tweaking, but you just start. And if for whatever reason, your partner isn’t as engaged as you are, isn’t ready to start the way you are. You just start and keep going and you make it messy. You make it work. So it’s not about perfection, right? It’s about feeling better or feeling good most of the time in your marriage, more often than not. And if you’re in a relationship right now, or you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, when you’re talking about something difficult or you’re on pins and needles, when you’re talking about something that really matters to you, I want you to know that it is of highest service to you, to your partner, to your family, to your loved ones, for you to find a way to feel better in that relationship.
It’s not selfish, it’s not bad. And a lot of us feel like, Oh, you know, I shouldn’t ask for something because somehow we minimize our own contribution to our own lives and the lives of others. And so we don’t ask, and I really want you to take that in your hearts, that if you want to have a relationship that feels better. One of the very first things you need to do is say, okay, I want this. You have permission to have a relationship that feels good. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. So that’s number one. The second one is really important. And I talk about this with my private clients all the time. And when I’m talking to someone who might work with me in coaching, I always ask this in consultations. Here’s what I ask. Do you believe that things can change? And it sounds like such a simple question, but I have talked to people where they just don’t know how things can change.
And therefore they think it would be very difficult or close to impossible for things to change. And sometimes it is difficult. You know, I am not here to sugar coat. The fact that if you’re really disconnected right now, it’s going to take emotional work to get you back into connection. That is real. But just because it’s difficult, doesn’t mean it’s impossible. And just because you haven’t done it before, doesn’t mean you cannot do it now. You know, I never hosted a podcast before now. We are just over 20 episodes into the podcast. And now I have done it over 20 times. And there’s things you have to figure out like anything new that you do, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t. So one of the beliefs, you really need to have taken into your heart and just anchor for yourself and anything that you want to change in your life and specifically in your marriage is that things can change when you take positive action on your own behalf to change them.
And as I always remind myself, I practice on myself, everything that I share and teach all of you. And I remind myself the definition of insanity, which is doing the same thing and expecting different results. So I know this must have happened to at least one of you listening to me today, it has definitely happened to me where I asked myself, why did you do that thing again? And expect it to go differently when it didn’t go well, all of the other times, Maggie, what were you thinking? I’m like hello!? And this is so important when you’re thinking about making changes. If you have tried a few things and you’ve tried them over and over again, and they haven’t quite worked the way you wanted them to or expected them, it’s time to try something else. And that sounds so simple, but I know even in my own life, I’ll get ingrained in a habit and I’ll get ingrained in it and I have to actively break it and remind myself, nope, I’m trying something new this time.
So just because you tried something that didn’t work does not mean you cannot find another way or another approach to look at your marriage in a different way, to interact with your partner in a different way, and to create a different result that does result in more connection instead of disconnection. So that’s really important. The third belief that you have to have in order to make changes in your marriage is to trust your guide. And I’m going to talk a little bit about what I teach in the podcast and in my Facebook group, the better marriage club, the conversations we have, there are truly Epic. So if you’re a woman and you want a space to be real about the challenges and joys of marriage, definitely look up The Better Marriage Club on Facebook and join us. I would love to have you. So with trusting your guide, if you’re going to work with a coach like me, or you’re going to go to a workshop or pick up a book, anything like that, one of the things that’s really important is for you to feel that that person, whether it’s me or someone else, you need to feel that that person can truly and genuinely help you.
And if you go into a situation where you don’t believe that person can help you, then no matter how good they are, you’re not going to get good results with that person or the workshop or the book or whatever it is that you’re trying. And this is what I mean by that. Coaches, therapists, teachers, we all have different approaches. We all have different ways that we look at the same problem. If you go on Amazon, there’s probably 20,000 books on marriage and relationships or more. It’s probably more. But imagine that it’s pretend there’s 20,000. So there’s 20,000 different things that you can do to make your marriage better. And one person will tell you talk more and another person will tell you talk less. Another person will tell you to have sex seven days this week. Another person will say, don’t have sex for two weeks, right?
Build the anticipation. And my personal thought about it is that anything works if you work it and you should always have more sex, side note. So all of us are going to use different approaches to help you come back to connection. And no matter what approach we are using, what’s really important for you is to trust that your guide makes sense that whatever you’re doing something that feels logical and good in your body. And sometimes when I’m making a decision or thinking about something, evaluating something, I’ll take a slow, deep breath and I’ll take it in and I’ll just take it into my heart. And I’ll just check in. Does this feel right for me? Does this feel true for me? How does this feel? So when you take it in, you feel good about it. And then if that’s not the case, if you don’t feel good about it, then you need to look for another.
And just because you have one experience with someone who isn’t connected with you, isn’t an intuitive match with you. That doesn’t mean you should stop looking. So I’ve had friends who’ve gone to therapy and they didn’t have good chemistry with the therapist. And the approach that therapist was taking, wasn’t really that useful. And it’s really sad when that happens, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t look for someone else who does have their same values, who has an approach that resonates with them. And one of the reasons I started this podcast is I wanted all of my community, all of you to be able to see this is what I think this is what I teach. This is why I teach it. So if you feel like you resonate with the things that I teach and we do a consultation call together, and we do a personalized coaching program together, you’re going to get amazing results because you already know this is my style.
I’m probably going to give you a podcast episode for homework. It may be Team Versus Alliance or Requests Versus Demands. Those are two of my most popular ones, right? This is what I teach. I teach it on the podcast and I teach it in one on one. So trusting your guide is so critical. And that there’s really interesting research around psychological interventions where the number one indicator of success isn’t the specific tool that is used. It’s the relationship between the person and the service provider. It’s the connection and the trust. So never, ever skimp on connection and trust. Keep looking until you find it. And when you trust your guide, then you’re off to the races because then your work can go so much deeper. So if you really want to make changes in your marriage, if you want to improve, what’s happening right now, it’s really critical that you look at these three beliefs and let you see where you stand with them, that you are worthy of something better.
That it’s worth your time, your attention, your focus, your energy, your investment, to take action on your own behalf. And that things can change and things can improve. Even if they haven’t before, right? You can learn how with someone to guide you and you, then you have to trust your guide. Of course, I think my programs are the best in everything I teach is based on a mix of proven tools and my personal experience in my marriage and my personal experience with my own clients. And I believe that that combination is really, really important. I like to use what has been proven to work, which has been researched and studied and incorporate that into the things that I teach on the podcast for free and in my paid programs as well. And then I’ve been married over 10 years. And my dream in life was to have a happy thriving marriage, that was my dream.
And they have worked all these years for that to be true. So that doesn’t mean I haven’t hit bumps in the road. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had to learn new things, but those bumps in the road that I have hit have helped me become a better wife and a better coach. And those are the things that I teach all of you every week. Now that brings me to a super special bonus download that I am so excited to share. In today’s episode, I am calling it The Move My Marriage Forward Worksheet, and it was inspired by answering a question that was posted in The Better Marriage Club and once I finished answering the question, I just thought you can use this for so many things. Let’s make it a PDF. You can save it, you can print it. You can pull it out when ever you are feeling stuck.
So here’s the deal. The purpose of any kind of coaching is to win the game, whether it’s baseball or your marriage. In marriage life coaching, owning your power wins the game. Choosing love, wins the game. Having a healthy nontoxic marriage wins the game. So this is the game plan. This is how you win the game. I have put together five game changing, unsticking questions that will help you move your marriage forward. Whenever you ask them, I’m going to read them to you here now. And then you can go to MaggieReyes.com, my website, and you can look for this podcast episode, remember the three beliefs, and there’ll be a link where you can download these questions as a worksheet. Okay? So here we go. First, think of something that is heavy in your heart right now. Got it. Okay. Then answer these questions.
What do you actually want? What does success look like in this situation? If you owned this situation at 100%, what exactly would you do? Then from that place of ownership, if you worked with your husband to solve this as a team, what is your most immediate next step. Anytime someone is stuck, there is an unmade decision in the way, every time, what is the decision you are not making? That’s it. If you take the time to be thoughtful about the answers to those questions, you will get unstuck and you will know your most immediate next step. Now don’t worry about not seeing the whole path. That path is often revealed as you walk it, but you have to take the first step for the next one to be revealed. So that’s where you start. Okay. That is a wrap for today. There will be lots of resources in the show notes for this episode. So make sure to check those out and remember you need three things to have a thriving, five star marriage perspective, partnership and pleasure, and they are all in your control.