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Maggie Reyes:
Hello everyone. Welcome to the podcast. I have a wonderful guest today. I am so excited to get to spend time with her. Her name is Dr. Judith Borger. She is a member of The Marriage MBA, and she is also a wildly accomplished woman.
Every time she shares some of the things that she’s working on in her life, both in her personal life and having adventures and traveling and in her professional life, all the different things she does, it’s just amazing to see all the things she brings to the world. And I just get excited. I get a little tingly to be honest.
So she is a pediatric emergency physician. She is faculty for emergency medicine residency, and as if that wasn’t enough, she also is an aesthetic medicine doctor who practices concierge medical arts. And she’s going to tell us all about aesthetic medicine, because we totally want to know about that. And she hosts the Aesthetic Doctor Podcast.
And so if you want guidance and actual insights from a doctor on some of the things that we do want in our lives, you’re going to want to subscribe to that podcast. We’re going to link to it in the show notes. She is a national lecturer and also a Life, Business, and Wellness Coach. Welcome.
Judith Borger:
Thank you for that amazing, lovely introduction. I’m so happy to be here. I have listened to the podcast way before I ever jumped into The Marriage MBA. So this is a really big moment for me. Thank you.
Maggie Reyes:
Oh my God. I’m so excited. So first of all, we’re going to talk a little bit about The Marriage MBA, some of her favorite things that she learned there, some insights that she wants to share, and I will sort of hand over the stage to her. But before we do that, I want to know about emergency medicine and aesthetic medicine, and how those two things came together for you. Tell us a little bit about that.
Judith Borger:
I think the beautiful thing about life is that it’s really so fluid, and that we get to express all the different parts of our personality. So I really don’t believe in being boxed in. I don’t think that there’s one thing in life that fulfilled all the different parts of you.
At least it didn’t feel like it fulfilled all the different parts of me. I love pediatric emergency medicine. I actually started in all ages emergency medicine, but my love was with the children. I love being a real doctor, and I love cuddling babies, and there’s a lot of joy and there’s a lot of sadness, but it’s just, it’s my love. It’s my passion.
However, at the same time, I really have this strong sense of wanting a different connection with my patients. And I had always been interested in dermatology and cosmetic medicine and I really see aesthetic medicine as a way to hold space, as a way to empower women, as a way to let their confidence shine.
I just love being able to operate in all these different fields and all these different nuances. And it kind of goes together perfectly because I’m really good at emergencies, so I don’t freak out when something isn’t an emergency.
And at the same time I have different loves. I have different passions. Sort of like you can like cycling and hiking. It does not mean that one precludes the other. I think it’s one of these beautiful things about the world we live in is that things are fluid. You can step into whatever version of you that you want at any point in time.
So this is really also an invitation to anybody who listens, just because you’re X doesn’t mean you can’t become Y. And all of these experiences we have, and that we have had, we really bring to making the next endeavor the best one that we can, and then it all feeds together.
So like your history in the hotel industry, you link towards a five star marriage. I feel like it goes in all these aspects of our lives. We can create the relationships we want. I have been so fortunate to have the freedom to set up this life that’s just me. It might not be a traditional box, but it feels like it allows my fullest expression.
Maggie Reyes:
I love that so much. And I’m so curious, what are the things that fall under aesthetic medicine and what are some of the topics that you educate your listeners about on your podcast? Because I know a lot of my listeners will want to know.
Judith Borger:
So the podcast is fairly new. So really we started with the bread and butter topics, sort of Botox, filler, laser hair removal, but then also tips for healthy skin care. And then I throw in, because I always joke that people come for the Botox, but really stay for the Life Coaching, I throw in something like, “Do what sets your soul on fire.”
“What are some of the habits that I think you can do for your most beautiful skin?” So really the thought was exactly like you said, so many people get their information from either people that have a financial goal in mind, or incredibly reliable sources like TikTok and Instagram and all that stuff.
So I wanted to be a voice of, I don’t want to say truth because that doesn’t feel right, but a voice of real information in a fun way, and an ask me everything, sort of like if your best friend was a doctor and instead of going to Google and some crazy Instagram post, you could call your best friend and been like, “Hey, I thought about getting filler. Tell me all the things about filler,” that is really the thought behind the podcast.
Maggie Reyes:
I love that so much. And what are the risks? What are the drawbacks? What should I expect? Is it normal? All of those kinds of things. I think that is so important to have sources like this, a reliable source that will tell you the real deal about the different things that you want to consider.
So I’m so excited about your podcast. I’m so excited to share it with all of my listeners. And I said, we’ll definitely link to that in the show notes, it’s called The Aesthetic Doctor podcast, so everyone go and look for that. And we’ll also link to your social media and all that stuff so people can follow you. Okay.
So we were talking before we hit record about The Marriage MBA and about your experiences there. So what are some of the things you just want people to know? What would you like to share about being in the program and doing the program?
Judith Borger:
I mean, first of all, I love the program and I am so glad that I committed to the program. I know we are kind of recording off sync, but tomorrow is the last session. So I feel like I’ve now gone through almost the whole program minus as one session. And what makes your program so amazing is you.
It’s just the brilliance that you bring, the space that you hold, just the whole experience that you curate and create. We talk a lot about being exquisitely supported, and I know some people are hesitant about sharing and being vulnerable in a group, but it’s really your ability to create this magic, safe space outside of whatever’s going on in our lives, and holding space that I think makes the program unlike any other.
Maggie Reyes:
So first of all, I receive that. It means everything to me, that is my highest intention when people work in any of my Coaching programs is just to feel like you’re held in the thing that you’re trying to work through, and what are the different ways that we can create that.
And one thing that is so important to me is not that I hold the space, which I do, but that I attempt, hopefully, successfully, to teach each person to hold space for themselves. To hold loving compassion for yourself as you’re working through some things that feel sticky, and that feel sometimes muddy and uncomfortable, and then to hold space for each other.
So when we talk about holding space, it’s just listening with loving compassion. It’s listening to somebody when they’re having a bad day, when maybe things don’t feel that amazing in their relationship, and remembering that it’s just a moment and not a verdict on who they are, or a verdict on their relationship as a whole.
Judith Borger:
Yeah, for sure. So you asked me to share some of my favorite lessons. So let’s talk a little bit about my favorite lessons. And number one for me is a comment that you made in response to something that I said, and it is, “Belonging is a choice.” And to me that just hit me to my core, and really shook me up.
That’s just such a true thought. Because it’s really that idea that no matter what happens in the relationship, we belong together. That you kind of can put yourself inside of the circle, inside of the relationship, and it’s, again, it’s acting from that intention that it’s us, that it’s a team, that love prevails, how cheesy that sounds. But my first big lesson was really that statement of, “Belonging is a choice.”
Maggie Reyes:
I think that we forget how many choices we have, and that we are making choices every day. And I think it’s such an important thing to remember. I remember when I used to work in HR, and I used to go to work every morning, and I was like, “I choose this.”
And I would remind myself on a regular basis, “I am choosing this.” And whatever state your marriage is in right now, I just offer to you, you who are listening to us, you can choose what you’re having today, and you can choose something new.
The idea is to remember that you get to choose what your experience is like. And if you want to cultivate more belonging in your relationship, more teamwork, more unity, more feeling like you are a unit, a tight-knit unit, you get to cultivate that now, no matter what’s going on in the relationship.
In fact, in the middle of the crap, you get to sit, put a stake in the ground and say, “We’re going to cultivate belonging right here and now,” in the middle, you don’t have to “wait to resolve” anything. You can do it right now. What else?
Judith Borger:
So the other thing was really your cognizance and your educating us how really the stress cycle, and how our thoughts don’t exist in a vacuum. I had worked a lot with the model before, and I love the model, but the model sometimes almost gets explained in a vacuum.
Just you have this lesson that I know you’ve had other podcast episodes on talking about the stress cycle and how we respond differently in a stress cycle. And really just seeing my thoughts, seeing mine and my husband’s reaction, and really anybody’s reaction, in the context of the surrounding that they’re in, and especially in the stress cycle, it just deactivates it.
It brings it so much to neutral, because it’s not personal anymore. It’s not, there’s really less judgment. And just more detachment, more calm, more stepping back by being like, “Wow, it looks like you’re really in a stress cycle right now,” or, “I’m really in a stress cycle, maybe 9:00 PM when I’ve just worked a 12 hour shift is not the best time to have this conversation.”
Maggie Reyes:
Okay, so that is my favorite. We’re going to pause right there. So everyone imagine, she’s a pediatric emergency medicine doctor, which means at 9:00 PM, she has seen crying babies, worried parents, sometimes whole families coming in, freaking the freak out.
I just imagine my Cuban-Nicaraguan family being like every cousin is in the hospital with the baby, all the things. And so she comes home and imagine if her husband at that moment wants to talk about-
Judith Borger:
It’s going to be something silly, like dinner plans for three days from now.
Maggie Reyes:
Yes, it’s like, that is not the time. So one of the things we always talk about in The Marriage MBA, in different ways, is what I call stress cycle awareness. It’s being aware that we have stress cycles, that they’re normal human reactions.
That nothing has gone wrong with you, or with your partner, if you’ve had a long day and you don’t feel amazing, we don’t have to judge ourselves for that, we don’t have to judge our partners for that. They are on their own path. They have their own stress cycles, too.
And I think it’s so important because so much of the work that I do is cognitive behavioral work, which is how do our thoughts impacting our behaviors and the outcomes we create in our relationship. And when we think about the thoughts we’re having, I’m going to have really different thoughts at 2:00 AM, if you just woke me up with an emergency, than at 10:00 AM, if I like leisurely woke up on a Saturday and had some brunch, and I’m feeling like the queen of the world. So it’s like, yes, our thoughts matter so much, and what is the context in which those thoughts are happening?
Judith Borger:
Taking that a step further, it’s also about setting yourself up for success. For example, it’s our anniversary today. So we do have to later have a tax appointment, which again, is for our future selves, but then we also scheduled some time together.
And earlier we planned a trip for February, and it’s a together trip, which is also huge, but it is also just like to be cognizant of that and be like, “Hey, let’s schedule some together time on this Monday when we’re both off at 11:30.”
And sometimes I just have to tell myself to my own inner voice, “Honey, you just need to go to bed right now. This is not you. This is not him. This is not the children, just need to go to bed.”
Maggie Reyes:
We just need to rest, exactly. This isn’t something we have to work out in this moment. I just need to practice whatever feels nourishing to my body in that moment, which is so important. I love it so much. Okay. What else is on your list?
Judith Borger:
Oh, my list is long. The other thing that I really love is just this idea, that I’ve embraced and everything, was to really act from your highest self. Is the embodiment aspect that we really know.
And you can probably explain it better than me, that there is just, I think we have all felt that when stuff is in a state of flow, and you’re aligned with your highest self, you’re aligned with your ideals, that not just your mind, but your whole body, your soul, your heart can give you the best answer and can give you the right answer.
And sometimes, you have to wait and wait for it to come. Sometimes the answer’s in you right now, but the answer’s always in you, the truth resides in you. And just that trust, the starting with tuning into that, and really setting the intention to act from your highest self.
Because I think the further I progress in my own work, the more, sometimes, I feel like the mind kind of goes on overdrive, for a lot of us that are very cerebral and high achievers. And it’s just so important, through whatever practice you have.
And I do a lot of yoga and I do a lot of meditation, and I think it’s that same thing is to really come back to your highest truth, to that part of you who knows, and the part of you that loves, and the part of you that is really your highest self.
So again, just the fact that you start with that intention, that you set the intention, that you remind us of the intention, that we start by tuning into our highest selves, is really one of those most magical ways that you do your program.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah. I definitely want to talk about that a little bit from a couple of angles. So when I started thinking about creating The Marriage MBA, one of the thoughts in my mind is how do I make this the most fun call of the week? How do I make this something you actually look forward to when you’re dealing with things that feel heavy and uncomfortable and aren’t necessarily fun times?
And I think that as everyone listens to the podcast, and hears different people who have been in the group, they’re like, “Yeah, it kind of is like you do deep work, but you also have this joy about it, or this calmness, and sometimes fun, and sometimes laughter.”
And as I was thinking about that, one of the things I thought is this is the one hour, it may be the only hour in your week, where you’re in touch with your highest inner wisdom on purpose. Where we start a recall with an invocation and we invoke everybody’s highest inner wisdom.
And it’s very important to me, number one, to have that moment of connection for each person with their highest ways of self, but also because I teach a lot of things and I never want what I’m teaching to interfere with your highest inner wisdom.
And I always, I say that a lot, and it’s like, you listen to yourself no matter what I say. If you learn to do that in this program, that will serve you the rest of your life in every single relationship you have. And I think we live, especially in our Western and industrialized culture, where there are certain things they’re done this particular way, and if they’re not done this way, it’s “wrong”.
Marriage to me is always like a fingerprint. It’s always going to look different for each person, and what works for one person won’t work for another, and that’s okay. And it’s this uncovering of what actually works for you, from a place of that highest inner wisdom of that place of, “Wait, this may not make sense to other people, but oh my God, it feels so good to me.”
Judith Borger:
Yes, absolutely. And yes, we’re getting really heavy into this inner wisdom stuff, so I’m just going to share something else. This program has really kind of also reconnected my husband and I with fun and love and joy, because that was one of my goals was to have this deliciousness to my relationship.
And I think sometimes you get into the grind, and you get into that conflict, and that deliciousness interferes, but there’s a couple of changes I have made through the program to really add fun and joy to my relationship. I do, because I do so many things, I follow Monday Hour One, and I plan for my future self, and I try to be really intentional.
But as part of that time, we have scheduled dates, where sex is scheduled, which sounds like not very romantic, but actually it is. Because you don’t just get the day, you get the anticipation, you get sexy texting throughout the day, you get little fantasies being shared, you get pictures being shared.
And it makes this whole, we don’t have a set day, but let’s say this Tuesday evening, this whole two days before of the deliciousness of anticipation and playfulness and fun. And so, yeah, it’s definitely not all about seriousness, and we’re grounded, but out of that groundedness, I think it’s really important, just like you said, you can find what feels delicious to you. And that thing feels really delicious to both of us.
Maggie Reyes:
I love that so much. I think anticipation is something that we don’t realize how powerful it is until you have a Life Coach whispering in your ear, telling you, “Hey, hold on. There’s actual research, even about vacations, that most people, when you plan a vacation, they get an equal amount of happiness or joy from anticipating the vacation as being on the actual vacation.”
It’s really fascinating. So it’s like the same thing when it’s we want to schedule sexy times, or when we want to schedule dates. My husband and I are going in a couple of months to see a play. And I’m like, “Oh, I’m so excited. We’re going to go away for the weekend. We booked a hotel, we have all this stuff going on.”
Now we get to enjoy the anticipation of that until we actually go and do it on that weekend. So anticipation is something that I invite everyone listening to us right now to think about where could you plan something fun that feels good to you and your partner, and then enjoy the anticipation of it on purpose.
Judith Borger:
Yes. And it is funny because today we scheduled a vacation for February and we’re like, “Ooh, we haven’t had a kid-free getaway in years. Remember the last time we won how much fun that was.” And exactly, we now have six months to look at the activities, and plan some outfits, and think about what we’re going to do, you’re absolutely right.
So joy and fun is definitely part of that, and I think the joy and fun in my marriage have exponentially increased by making it work for us. We’re all so different, and you really encourage us to find what works. And that might not be the same for me then for somebody else. So yeah, delicious was definitely one of the things that I wanted and it feels much more delicious then… It feels very delicious.
Maggie Reyes:
And I love that word, delicious. I think you said that on day one, you said the word delicious. And I want everyone to think about how do you want your marriage to feel? So she set the intention that it would feel delicious.
That wasn’t a checklist of 54 items on it, it was just like, “Oh, I wonder what delicious would feel like? Let’s see what could be delicious today. Let’s see what feels delicious right now.” And then just weaving your way into, “Oh, that feels delicious. Oh, that’s interesting. Oh, we want more of that. Oh, that feels really delicious. Let’s do that more.”
It’s both concrete, in that I teach you specific things that you can do, but also not concrete in that you just lean into the thing that matters most to you. And then when you get stuck, we Coach on it.
Judith Borger:
Yes. Slow dancing is delicious to me, making out is delicious to me. There’s so many things that are delicious. And that was one of the things that I wanted, and that I think I’m going to continue to hold on, because it just feels really good. And really delicious. Delicious is amazing. It’s sexy, it’s yummy, it’s fun. It embodies all the things.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah. And then you can think about other aspects of your life and you can be like, “Ooh, is this delicious?” You get to use those intentions, not just in your marriage, but to see, “Oh, I leaned into deliciousness here in this other thing, oh, maybe I want to lean into adventure or maybe you want to lean into calm or maybe I want to lean into peace.”
And then you just, it’s like you… So some people love a good checklist, great, make a checklist. And some people, you just want to lean into it and see what you uncover. And it really doesn’t matter. Whatever works for you works.
Judith Borger:
And you know what, even our tax appointment is in a way delicious because it sets our future selves up for amazing financial stability and freedom and all of the things. So even that can in a way be, not that I would describe the actual act delicious, but it’s sort of the idea that we’re building for our future solves and for the relationship that we have.
And you know what, if you can square away your taxes halfway through the year, that makes the end of your year much, much more freeing and stable and not a big deal when you own multiple businesses.
Maggie Reyes:
And also, I think it’s so important that especially in marriages, in our sort of Western culture, there’s so much maintenance type things we have to do. You have a tax appointment, we have termites in the house and we’re planning where we’re going to stay.
So we picked a really cute apartment that is in a neighborhood that has lots of restaurants. So we’re going to walk to restaurants while we’re having the termites taking care of at our house. And it’s like, how can we bring deliciousness to things that feel very mundane and very every day. And that will absolutely affect your relationship. Instead of being a drag of the relationship, it makes it more fun. Okay. What else?
Judith Borger:
So I guess there’s two other things I wanted to bring up. So number one, and if somebody is contemplating doing The Marriage MBA, and they might maybe not be able to do all the sessions live, due to my schedule, I probably attended, I would say maybe 40 to 50% of the sessions live.
But I listened to all of them because they’re recorded, and I feel like I got just as much out of all of the recorded sessions, maybe even more because there was not that pressure to, “What am I going to say?” It was just a way to just absorb and listen when it worked for me.
So I really kind of loved that balance of being on some of the live calls, watching others recorded, again, it worked with my life. But if somebody’s out there and maybe has hesitation about committing because of a schedule, I guess the one thing I wanted to make sure while I have this opportunity, is to not leave unsaid, is the fact that you will still belong to the group.
You will feel all that same holding space. It’s incredibly amazing how you learn from everybody who gets Coached, sometimes as much or more than when you get Coached because your vantage point is different. And so even if somebody is maybe worried about their schedule, no matter how many of the calls you make live, it’s a wonderful program.
Maggie Reyes:
I always ask this on the calls. What helped you create that? So what’s your intention when you’re watching the recording. I think people would be really curious to be like, “How did you get so much out of it?” So you watched the recording, and what was the intention that you set, or the thought process that you had about it?
Judith Borger:
So, I think the biggest one was really that I was not getting less of an experience. That this was still exactly as it was meant to be. And also that trust that I was going to get, out of the call, exactly what I needed today. And really, I think if somebody has been part of good Coaching, we are human.
So whether you are in a heteronormative relationship, and a cisgendered, or any kind of relationship, whether you have separate bedrooms or not… Humanity, even though we’re all individuals, a lot of our blocks and our struggles and our thoughts are just so similar, and so applicable, that I really think that the way we Coach on relationships, there’s always a theme.
There’s always a lesson. There’s always a thought that either… I would be like, “Oh yeah, I can see how there’s some,” even though the scenario’s different, maybe the thought is the same. Or there was a really interesting experience when, and I don’t know if you remember this on one of the call, one of the other participants was like, “I tend to react your husband. So let me tell you this from his perspective.”
And it was the most eye opening moment. So I always had the trust that it was going to be exactly what I needed at the time. And it turned out to be that it was.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah, I love that so much. So I really think about that. I actually call it, “Get what you came for Coaching.” And now I labeled it and we have a name for it, and I’m really committed to that, too. And anything that I can facilitate, whether it’s answering a question, whether it’s Coaching, whether it’s teaching a concept, I’m here for everybody to get what they came for.
And then I invite everybody in the group to also commit to getting what you came for and to ask for things, to raise your hand, to post in the group. One thing that Judith did that I think is really brilliant is she would watch the recording, and then she’d post her takeaways in the group, or she’d post something that she was working through and say, “Oh, I saw this in the recording. This is what I’m working through next.”
And then we could all either support her, or cheer her on, or just witness that awareness that you had and celebrate it. And it’s like, you made it your own. And I think that, to me, one of the things I say in the program is I’ll teach you a specific thing, but it’s always, almost always, tied to a meta skill.
That you’re learning one thing, whatever it is we’re talking about that day, and then it’s the meta skill of, “Oh, what if I was a person who always got what they came for? What if I did that at a kid’s birthday party, or at the tax place, or with the termites, whatever? What if I just became a person where that just always became true for me?”
And you’re practicing that skill, no matter what the conditions are, or the circumstances that change, or whatever is going on. Now, you also have that skill along with all the stuff that we more directly talk about. So I love that.
Judith Borger:
Yes, and belonging is a choice. I chose to fully belong in the group, despite not being able to attend all the calls. These brilliant thoughts go everywhere. And even if people reply to my Facebook post versus in person, it was still my way to belong.
And you’re right, absolutely. It’s that skill. This is the perfect program at this time. And this is how it’s going to happen because we know that life situations are never “perfect” or everything, but you make it your own.
And then another thing is that we talked a lot about overworking, and through the program, I actually decided to go part-time at my primary job. So in terms of, does this change your life? It has changed my life in so many ways, but in one of the concrete ways it really has changed my mind, is that I realized that we say our children are our most important thing.
Our marriage is our most important thing, but do we actually put that much time and attention in them? And in the U.S., overworking is really celebrated. And I actually don’t love overworking. I never have. But it was just really everything coming to together, and me saying, you know what, I’m going to go down to working two weekends a month in the ER.
And obviously my schedule with my office, I can set my hours, Coaching I can set my hours. Is to just really be like, if it’s swim lesson day on Monday, I’m going to close my office at 4:30 and be there for the swim lesson. If I want to have that date night with my husband, I’m not going to be tired because I’ve just worked till 7:00.
And you also are a real life, beautiful example by not Coaching at night. So I have made real changes by really getting clear and also being allowed to step into what’s important to me. I’ve always been really good at creating the life that I want, but I think this is the next level of stepping into the life that I want to say, you know what?
I have enough, I make enough money. I don’t need to work full time. Why would I? If I could, instead, have this deliciousness, and the freedom, and the adventure, and the possibility of a schedule that revolves more around my family.
Maggie Reyes:
I think that is so incredibly powerful. And I’ll tell you, you’re a wildly accomplished person that has all these different things that you can sort choose from, and mix and match in your life. And when I was much younger, working in HR, where I had one job, and I came to a similar conclusion, not having as many choices in the mix.
I want to just speak to the person who’s like, “I don’t do five different things.” So for that person, I just want to give you this example where I was the training director in the law firm. And I was traveling, the law firm had offices in New York, LA, Chicago.
I mean, I used to go to really sexy places, but I was still traveling all the time. And it was when I was single. And I thought if I continue to work here, even if I met somebody, first of all, at what time am I going to meet someone? Because I’m never home.
And if I did meet someone, when would I see them? And that was the thought process that I literally was like, “I think I need to do something different with my life,” because the thing that I most deeply wanted at that time was I wanted to get married. I wanted to meet the love of my life and get married. And I was like, these conditions are not set up for success for me to be able to do that.
And one of the phrases my husband uses all the time was like, “How do we create the conditions for success? What are the foundations we want to put in?” And so I literally left that job, became a temp. I was like, I’m committed to my goal, no matter what it looks like.
And I literally became a temp. I ended up temping at a cruise line that eventually hired me, and then I would travel, but I would travel much less. And I really had this space to meet someone, create a relationship, stuff like that.
And I just wanted to give that example as well, that sometimes you’re committed to your role, and it’s messy, and it’s not the most ideal scenario. And you might have a dark night of the soul and some tears involved and making those days.
And I remember when Judith was making those changes, there was conversations with a variety of different people in her life, and in her work, she had to have to create that change. And it’s like, you’re shaking the whole time that you’re doing it sometimes.
And then the other side of that is you’ve committed to your dream. And one of the things we talk about in the group is you make your vision more powerful than your history. And it’s like, what is my vision? My vision is to have the time to go to the swim meet.
Judith Borger:
And in my group, nobody had been able to stay faculty and be part-time. So that was always a given, when I told people I’m going to go part-time, they were like, “But you can’t.” I was like, “Yeah, I can. Watch me.”
Not in a challenging way, but in a, I’m going to go into this meeting with the expectation that they’re going to say yes. And this is why, because I’m going to talk about diversity, and I’m going to talk about all the things that I am and that I bring to the program, and job crafting, and the way of the future. And they’re not going to have a choice other than to say yes.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah. Oh, I love that so much. They’re not going to have a choice other than to say… We’re going to make it undeniable. We’re going to make that “Yes,” so delicious that they’re going to want to say yes to this, which I absolutely love.
And I also love, one of my favorite quotes is from Miss Oprah and she says, “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” And as women, humans socialized as women, we’re often discouraged from asking for things, discouraged from making waves, or doing stuff like that, or questioning the status quo.
Because of course that keeps us, I mean, not to be drastic, but it keeps us oppressed in certain ways. And I mean it’s drastic, but that’s our reality. So hey, reality is drastic sometimes. And so those moments where we speak up to the boss, where we change jobs, where we ask for a raise or a bonus, or the different things, this is how we change the world.
It’s one conversation at a time. One female doctor who says, “I want to stay as faculty and have a schedule that works for my life.” One person doing one thing. Now you’ve opened the door for everyone who comes after you.
Judith Borger:
And being faculty, that is actually really important for me, because I feel like I’m also living my legacy. I have the fortunate situation that I teach residents and to also show them it’s possible, like showing our children it’s possible. Showing those after us that it’s possible, because they don’t have to be the first then, and it becomes normalized.
Maggie Reyes:
And those residents that you’re training today are going to be the leaders of the hospitals of the next generation. And they will have you as their role model showing them you can have a life and a career, just so important.
Judith Borger:
And similarly, as women, we’re kind of taught, just like you said, that our needs and our wants don’t matter. So I think that is really another important thing about the program, is that you hold this fiercely feminist space of no matter what it is that you want, it’s valid. It matters. You can get it.
It might look a little different than you think, it might be a conversation, there might be reenactment of this version, but whatever your vision is, it’s a valid one. It’s one that’s worth going after, and you can create the marriage and the life that you want.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah. I think that’s so important and we don’t find out what’s possible until we have those difficult conversations, until we figure out what it is we want, until we see what our partners are available for. And I think it’s just so important to get as much clarity as we can. And in the meantime, when we don’t have clarity, we just follow what feels delicious.
Judith Borger:
And it is messy, and it’s ups and downs. But I think I love that it’s also six months program because there’s not that pressure of time. It does allow you when I… I want to guess explain the benefit of Coaching to people.
I always tell them is we shift one degree at a time, but when you shift that one degree, the trajectory of your life looks entirely different. And I think that’s really what I found in my relationship, and witnessing the transformation that everybody else has in their relationships.
Sometimes that one degree for a certain issue, that’s really sticky, and that’s really messy, and that’s maybe really deeply ingrained, might take three weeks. And then the next week just turning that degree, that issue one degree, all these other issues fall like dominoes. So it’s that witnessing, it’s that allowing, those degree shifts.
And yeah, you would’ve never imagined all the dominoes falling. At least I could have not imagined, in January, that I was making out and slow dancing with my husband, and that we were just having this more amicable relationship, and we are excited to spend time together.
And we’ve had conversations that are really honest and true and vulnerable. Are there days that are still not roses and daffodils? Of course, because it’s life. And I don’t want to tell anybody that like, “Oh, we don’t have bad days,” but overall, the trajectory of my relationship is just so much more fun and connected and loving after the program.
Maggie Reyes:
That is so beautiful. And I love the emphasis on it’s not all daffodils. And I always say, when I talk about five star hotels, if you think about the most amazing experience you’ve ever had, if you think about the fanciest hotel in the world, it’s not that things don’t go wrong there, it’s just they have mechanisms for when things go wrong, how they will handle it.
And that’s very much my philosophy in anything that I teach is absolutely are we going to fight? Are we going to disagree? Are we going to have stuff happen? Are we going to have bad days? All those things. Yes, yes, yes.
And we’re going to know how to handle those things, whether it’s just having stress cycle awareness, whether it’s just pausing and breathing, whether it’s just leaning into what feels delicious. We’re going to know how to handle that stuff when it comes up.
Okay. Anything else you want to add before I ask you a question from The Questions for Couple’s Journal?
Judith Borger:
No, I think I’ve, yeah. I think I’ve covered it all.
Maggie Reyes:
Love it. Okay. So here’s a question, at the end of every interview I love to ask a question from The Questions for Couple’s Journal. And today it’s actually a statement. Name at least three qualities you want to display as a partner.
Judith Borger:
Yeah. I think, of course, loving is one of those. Supportive. And then fun.
Maggie Reyes:
Fun is so important. So imagine, for everyone listening, if we put fun as an intention that we want to display, and then we look at last week or the week before, we’re like, “Were we fun? Did we show up with fun? Were we lighthearted? Or we were like a drag the whole time?”
So just identifying how we want to show up is so incredibly powerful and makes it exponentially more likely that you are going to show up that way. I think that’s so, so, so, so important. Okay. How can people find you if people want to follow you?
Judith Borger:
Yes, yes. Yes. So my podcast is The Aesthetic Doctor. It’s on all major channels. Of course, iTunes, Google, YouTube, all the things. My Instagram is doctorborger. And the doctor is spelled out D-O-C-T-O-R. And then Borger is B-O-R-G-E-R. And then I have a website, that is www.theaestheticdoctor.com.
Maggie Reyes:
And for anybody, one of my best friends is very spelling-challenged, aesthetic is A-E-S-T-H-
Judith Borger:
E-T-I-C.
Maggie Reyes:
Do remember the A-E at the beginning. And we’ll link to all of those things on the show notes if you want to find out more. Absolutely just come to maggiereyes.com, click on podcasts, and then you’ll see all the links in the show notes there.
Thank you so much. First of all, for being an amazing participant, for embracing everything with your whole heart. This beautiful journey that we’ve been on together over the last six months, it’s such an honor and a joy to just be part of your life and this chapter of your life. And then thank you for sharing so open-heartedly and beautifully today.
Judith Borger:
Thank you. I completely receive that and all the love that you’ve given. And thank you for making my wellbeing, and the wellbeing of my relationship, your mission. Thank you.
Maggie Reyes:
Bye everyone.
Judith Borger:
Bye.