When it comes to relationships, we often focus on expanding our network, but what if the secret lies in deepening our connections instead? In a revealing conversation with Selena Soo, relationship expert and author of “Rich Relationships,” we explored how the quality of our connections shapes every aspect of our lives – from our marriages to our professional partnerships.

Redefining Rich Relationships

The concept of a “rich relationship” goes far beyond material success or social status. These are connections that fundamentally enrich our lives, creating abundance in unexpected ways. They’re the relationships that help us reach our dreams faster and inspire us to become better versions of ourselves.

As Selena beautifully puts it, “The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions.” The same holds true for our relationships – once we experience truly enriching connections, we can never go back to superficial networking.

The Six Circles: A New Way to View Your Relationships

Instead of seeing relationships as simply close or distant, Selena introduces a nuanced framework that helps us understand where each relationship truly stands. This framework, known as the Six Circles of Connection, provides clarity about who belongs in our inner circle and who might better serve us from a distance.

Understanding Your Inner Circle

The first and most crucial circle represents your innermost connections – those precious few who know your daily struggles, celebrate your small wins, and understand your deepest fears. These aren’t just the people you see regularly; they’re the ones who have earned access to your authentic self. While most of us might have between one and six such relationships, their impact on our lives is immeasurable.

Beyond this core group lies your second circle of treasured connections. These might not be daily confidants, but they’re the ones who would drop everything if you called in need. Think of them as your emotional emergency contacts – always ready to show up when it matters most.

The Hidden Power of Quantity Time

In our fast-paced world, we often pride ourselves on mastering the “quick catch-up” or “power lunch.” However, a compelling story from Susie Moore challenges this approach. After scheduling a quick lunch with a friend, she was shocked to learn about that friend’s divorce announcement just a week later. The revelation sparked an important insight: while they had spent time together, they hadn’t spent enough time to create the space for vulnerable conversations.

This distinction between quality and quantity time reshapes how we think about nurturing relationships. Sometimes, what our connections need isn’t our undivided attention for an hour, but rather the luxury of unhurried time where meaningful conversations can naturally unfold.

Golden Moments: The Make-or-Break Opportunities

Life presents us with what Selena calls “golden moments” – critical opportunities to show up for others. These moments often come in two forms: during times of pain or celebration. It’s easy to send a quick “thinking of you” text when someone’s going through a divorce or facing a natural disaster, but rich relationships are built by those who show up first, not last.

When you become someone’s support during these pivotal moments, you transform from being just another connection to becoming an essential part of their story. This isn’t about constant availability; it’s about recognizing and honoring these significant moments in others’ lives.

Breaking Free from Reciprocity

One of the most counterintuitive aspects of rich relationships is moving beyond the traditional notion of reciprocity. The idea that every gesture must be matched equally can actually block the natural flow of giving and receiving. This doesn’t mean accepting one-sided relationships, but rather understanding that different seasons call for different types of support.

The Art of Giving in Relationships

Not all giving is created equal. Some give indiscriminately from a place of insecurity, while others approach relationships with a transactional mindset. The richest relationships, however, stem from what Selena calls “rich giving” – offering support from a place of relaxed abundance.

The truth is, we all contain elements of different giving styles. There have been times when we’ve given too much and felt resentful, or times when we’ve calculated the return on our relational investments. The key is recognizing these patterns and consciously choosing to give from a place of genuine abundance.

Setting Boundaries with Grace

Creating rich relationships doesn’t mean maintaining every connection at all costs. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is recognizing when a relationship consistently drains rather than enriches. If someone repeatedly demonstrates they don’t value your time, energy, or emotions, it’s perfectly acceptable to create distance.

Remember, as Selena emphasizes, one rich relationship carries more value than hundreds of casual connections. This perspective frees us to invest our emotional energy where it matters most.

Moving Forward

Understanding these dynamics of rich relationships isn’t just about personal connections – it’s about creating a life filled with meaningful interactions that support your growth and happiness. Whether in marriage, friendship, or professional relationships, the principles remain the same: prioritize depth over breadth, show up during golden moments, and give from a place of abundance.

Want to explore how these principles can transform your own relationships? Selena’s book “Rich Relationships” offers deeper insights, and you can get free chapters and scripts at richrelationshipsbook.com/maggie.

If today’s exploration resonated with you, and you’re ready to create positive changes in your relationships, remember that support is available. Sometimes, the first step toward richer relationships is having the courage to ask for guidance.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Follow Selena Soo on Instagram
• 1st Four Chapters of Rich Relationships by Selena Soo
• The Questions for Couples Journal
• Private Coaching with Maggie

PRIVATE COACHING

If you are finding the concepts I teach in this podcast useful, and you want in depth personalized support for your own relationship, I invite you to apply for my personalized coaching program where we take all the things I talk about here and apply them to you and your marriage. CLICK HERE to apply.