Ep 210 – Using The Four Agreements in Your Marriage Part 2: Don’t Make Assumptions & Always Do Your Best
Welcome to Part 2 of my conversation with Annie M. Henderson about The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and how to use them in your marriage and your life.
We covered the fable about how we’re all made of light, breaking generational curses, and the first two agreements: Be impeccable with your word and don’t take anything personally.
In Part 2, we’re diving into agreements three and four: Don’t make assumptions and always do your best.
A Quick Recap: The Fog We Never Chose
In Part 1, Annie and I talked about the fable that opens The Four Agreements—the idea that everything is made of light, and between the mirrors, there’s a fog.
That fog is made up of all the agreements we’ve absorbed throughout our lives about who we are, what we’re worth, how relationships work.
These are agreements we never consciously chose. We were born into them.
And many of those agreements cause suffering because they aren’t actually true.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz offers us a way to clear that fog—to choose new, conscious, intentional agreements.
In Part 1, we explored the first two agreements: Be impeccable with your word and don’t take anything personally.
Now in Part 2, we’re picking up with agreements three and four.
How The Agreements Work Together
Before we dive in, here’s something Annie pointed out that’s so important: These agreements work together like dominoes.
Breaking one agreement tends to trigger breaking the others. And the flip side is also true: Practicing any one of the agreements strengthens the others.
So as we talk about agreements three and four, notice how they build on what came before.
Agreement #3: Don’t Make Assumptions
The third agreement is: Don’t make assumptions.
Find the courage to ask questions. Express what you really want. Communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings.
How many of us have gotten ourselves in trouble over and over again just for making assumptions?
I know for sure I have.
One of my favorite questions is: What do you mean by that?
Such a simple question. But it prevents so many misunderstandings.
Instead of assuming you know what your partner meant, what they’re thinking, what they want—ask.
Instead of filling in the blanks with your own story about what’s happening—ask.
“What do you mean by that?”
It creates space. It invites clarity. It prevents the stories we tell ourselves from becoming the truth.
Agreement #4: Always Do Your Best
The fourth agreement is: Always do your best.
Your best will change from moment to moment. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment and regret.
Here’s what I notice with a lot of perfectionists (myself included): We hold our best to be our best only on our best day.
Our best of the best is the filter we use.
But what is your best on a bad day?
What is your best on a day that you have a cold? That you don’t feel well? That you’re challenged? That you’re stressed? That you didn’t sleep well?
Your best today might look different than your best yesterday. And that’s okay.
That’s the lens we want to use when we think about always doing your best.
The Domino Effect: How The Agreements Work Together
Annie pointed out something so interesting: Breaking one agreement kind of triggers breaking the others, like a domino effect.
And the flip side is also true: Practicing any one of the agreements strengthens the others.
It’s easier not to take things personally if you don’t make assumptions.
It’s easier to be impeccable with your word when you’re doing your best.
They all work together.
What Is RIM (Regenerating Images and Memory)?
Annie is a specialist in a modality called RIM—Regenerating Images and Memory.
After many years in traditional counseling, she transitioned into whole brain approaches that work with the subconscious and the nervous system.
RIM is one of those approaches.
Annie described it as giving you the experience of a psychedelic journey without using any psychedelics.
It works with your subconscious, your nervous system, and helps you process things at a deeper level than traditional talk therapy.
If you’ve tried a bunch of things and haven’t made the progress you want to make yet, this might be the missing piece.
As Dr. Deb Sandella (the creator of RIM) says: The goal is to avoid unnecessary suffering.
Your Homework
Notice this week when you make assumptions. Ask “What do you mean by that?”
Notice how you talk to yourself about your best. Are you holding yourself to your best on your best day? Or are you allowing your best to change from moment to moment?
Awareness is always the first step. With more awareness, we create more authority.
Listen to Part 2
This conversation with Annie M. Henderson is so rich. Part 1 covered agreements 1 and 2. Part 2 (this episode) covers agreements 3 and 4, plus Annie’s work with RIM.
Connect with Annie M. Henderson
Annie M. Henderson is a transformational life coach, educator, and former licensed professional counselor who helps women navigate identity shifts and emotional stuckness with compassion and clarity.
After years in traditional counseling, she transitioned into whole-brain approaches that work with the subconscious and nervous system, including Regenerating Images in Memory, or RIM.
Annie supports later-in-life lesbians and women who feel disconnected from themselves after years of people-pleasing or living for others. She is the creator of the Liberated Lesbian framework and host of the Liberated Lesbian Lounge podcast, where she explores what it means to come home to yourself at any stage of life.
- Visit Annie’s website www.anniemhenderson.com
- Follow Annie on IG @life_coach_annie
- Follow Annie on TikTok @Anniemhenderson
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Get access to the workshop for free here
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About Maggie Reyes
Maggie Reyes is a Master Certified Life Coach and feminist marriage coach for high-achieving women who want to strengthen marriages that feel stuck but not broken. She is the host of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, ranked in the top 2% globally, where she teaches high-achieving women the practical relationship skills they were never taught in school.
Through individual marriage coaching for women, Maggie helps clients improve communication, reconnect emotionally, and create real change in their relationships — even if their partner isn’t interested in couples therapy or coaching. She is the author of the bestselling Questions for Couples Journal and creator of the Soul-Centered Communication framework.
Maggie’s work is rooted in feminist values. While she primarily works with women married to men — navigating the patriarchal programming (and deprogramming) that shapes those relationships — she has also supported women in same-sex marriages. The same kinds of communication patterns, emotional disconnection, conflict loops, and repair skills apply regardless of gender. Her work is inclusive of diverse identities and experiences.
Marriage coaching for women who want to feel connected, not just committed
If you love your husband but feel disconnected, stuck in the same arguments, or exhausted from carrying the emotional load of the relationship, you’re not alone — and your side of the table is where your power lives.
Maggie specializes in individual marriage coaching for high-achieving women who want to feel loved, respected, and deeply connected again. Whether you’re looking for communication tools, emotional clarity, or a new way forward in your marriage, you’ll find support here.
✨ Transparency Note
This blog post was inspired by The Marriage Life Coach Podcast episode, prepared by my team and helped by AI. IT REALLY TAKES A VILLAGE PEOPLE ;-).
Thank you for reading, it’s an honor to be part of your day.