This is a special episode on my current hyper-fixation – HEATED RIVALRY. 

Quick heads up before we dive in: this blog post and the podcast episode that accompanies it are NOT spoiler-free! 

If you’ve never heard of Heated Rivalry and you think you might watch it and you don’t like spoilers, save this for another day. 

I’m joined on the podcast by the brilliant Laura Jurgens, PhD — a Somatic Sex & Intimacy Specialist and Master Certified Intimacy & Relationship Coach who works at the intersection of attachment & sexuality. 

We’ve talked before about the patriarchy & masculine-feminine myths, and I knew this conversation would be just as rich. As Laura put it, this is two relationship coaches talking about a show we both love — and we’d be having this conversation even if no one was listening. 

As we celebrate PRIDE month, I also want to acknowledge that as a cisgender heterosexual woman, I will never fully understand the lived experiences of the gay & bisexual characters in this show. But as a person who loves love both in real life & on TV, I have LOTS OF THOUGHTS. And I’m so grateful for the deep joy this celebration of queer love has brought to my life. 

What Heated Rivalry Actually Teaches Us

On the surface, Heated Rivalry is a smutty, sexy hockey romance. But underneath, it’s a story about courage, shame, vulnerability, & what happens when people can — or can’t — say what they actually want out loud.

And that’s exactly the stuff Laura & I coach on all the time. So I picked a theme for Part 1, and here it is: the courage to listen to your inner voice & actually follow it.

The Courage to Listen to Your Inner Voice

Early in the story, Shane seeks out a player he admires & basically says, “It’s amazing to watch you. I see you.” He follows that intuitive impulse even though it’s vulnerable & risky.

Laura made a point that reframed this for me: being resourced enough to put yourself out there is actually a kind of privilege — & a gift. The two main characters are teenagers, 18 or 19, “babies,” as Laura said. One comes from a stable, loving family & can move through the world a little more openly. The other carries a much harder attachment history & is navigating an entirely new country & language. So the courage to reach out isn’t equally available to everyone, & noticing that matters.

The takeaway I kept coming back to: the courage to listen to our inner voice — & act on it — even when it’s frightening.

Shame Is a Social Wound

We spent real time on shame, which Laura works with constantly in her practice. Her framing stopped me: shame is a social emotion. It doesn’t exist without the fear of other people’s censure, the fear of being ostracized. & we tend to build that fear up far bigger than it actually is, creating a cage for ourselves.

Here’s the part worth tattooing somewhere: de-shaming yourself involves allowing yourself to be SEEN. A social wound has to be healed socially. When you own out loud who you are — & the people around you get to see you & stay — that’s what completes the dissolving of the shame.

The scene where Shane comes out to his parents is a beautiful example. He admits the shame (“I tried not to love who I love”) as if it were something to apologize for — & his mother stays with him & tells him it’s not something to be ashamed of. That staying is the healing.

Turning Toward Each Other

One of my own relationship themes is turning toward each other. In the story, you watch the characters turn toward, then away, then toward again — & they keep turning back to each other just enough to stay connected.

Laura named why this is so hard: when people play games & pretend they don’t care as much as they do, it doesn’t build trust, it doesn’t build safety, & it doesn’t actually come from confidence. The harder, rarer move is the vulnerability to stay with someone when they need a moment to come back to you — to be patient while they find their way back.

Vulnerability Is the Real Glue

We’re trained — especially as men, but really everyone — to believe invulnerability is protective, & we’re rewarded for it. Laura’s take is the opposite: if you don’t show vulnerability, you’re not showing who you are.

In her words, you end up handing someone a “plastic person” you’ve created & placed in front of you. And you NEVER get to feel loved if you’re loved for being someone you’re not. Vulnerability requires courage — including the courage to stay with someone else while they struggle to be vulnerable too.

This is where Scott & Kip come in. Their relationship moves SO much faster because they’re honest almost from the start. My favorite Scott moment is when he essentially asks, “Can I be too much with you? Can I be really intense right now?” He names what’s real & asks if the other person wants it too — the exact opposite of the boys who silently want the same thing & never say it.

The power of this directness is real. It takes courage, so it feels risky. And it’s also a very strong glue.

Male Affection & Being Under-Touched

The other thread I loved was the warmth between the men — Scott with his friends, with his dad, the “ride or die” loyalty of a best friend who says, essentially, I’m here for you no matter what. Laura pointed out how rarely men feel they’re allowed that kind of open affection. There’s research that men are severely under-touched, & the show offers a tender, beautiful glimpse of what it looks like when that changes.

The Real Takeaway

The bravest thing is often simply saying what you actually want — & letting yourself be seen while you do it. That’s where trust, intimacy, & safety come from, on screen & in real life.

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Listen to the Episode

This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation with Laura Jurgens. In Part 2, we go deeper into desire, women’s sexuality, & what this show reveals to us culturally.

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Connect with Laura Jurgens

Laura Jurgens, PhD is a Somatic Sex & Intimacy Specialist and Master Certified Intimacy & Relationship Coach specializing in desire, arousal, attachment, and nervous system work with individuals and couples. A former university professor with a PhD in biological sciences, she is dual-certified through the Somatica Institute and the NeuroAffective Touch Institute, with additional training from the Life Coach School. Her approach is research-backed, body-based, trauma-informed, and explicitly inclusive. She hosts The Pleasure Uprising Podcast and sees clients through her private practice at laurajurgens.com. 

Visit Laura’s website: www.laurajurgens.com   

Follow Laura on Instagram: @laura.jurgens.coach

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About Maggie Reyes

Maggie Reyes is a Master Certified Life Coach and feminist marriage coach for high-achieving women who want to strengthen marriages that feel stuck but not broken. She is the host of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, ranked in the top 2% globally, where she teaches high-achieving women the practical relationship skills they were never taught in school.

Through individual marriage coaching for women, Maggie helps clients improve communication, reconnect emotionally, and create real change in their relationships — even if their partner isn’t interested in couples therapy or coaching. She is the author of the bestselling Questions for Couples Journal and creator of the Soul-Centered Communication framework.

Maggie’s work is rooted in feminist values. While she primarily works with women married to men — navigating the patriarchal programming (and deprogramming) that shapes those relationships — she has also supported women in same-sex marriages. The same kinds of communication patterns, emotional disconnection, conflict loops, and repair skills apply regardless of gender. Her work is inclusive of diverse identities and experiences.

Marriage coaching for women who want to feel connected, not just committed

If you love your husband but feel disconnected, stuck in the same arguments, or exhausted from carrying the emotional load of the relationship, you’re not alone — and your side of the table is where your power lives.

Maggie specializes in individual marriage coaching for high-achieving women who want to feel loved, respected, and deeply connected again. Whether you’re looking for communication tools, emotional clarity, or a new way forward in your marriage, you’ll find support here.

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✨ Transparency Note

This blog post was inspired by The Marriage Life Coach Podcast episode, prepared by my team and helped by AI. IT REALLY TAKES A VILLAGE PEOPLE ;-).

Thank you for reading, it’s an honor to be part of your day.