When you’re in a relationship that feels stuck, where you love your partner, you chose this person, and yet something feels off, disconnected, or like you’re going through the motions, there’s a question that often lives in your mind:

Can this actually be different?

In this greatest hits episode of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, I’m sharing one of my favorite teachings—the power of one.

This is a teaching that comes up all the time in conversations with the women I work with. When I ask people what’s one of their favorite things they learned from me, the power of one comes up over and over again.

The Only Way to Find Out

Here’s what I’ve learned from coaching hundreds of women over the years: The only way to find out if your relationship can be different is to do the work.

The only way to find out if your relationship can work differently is to think differently, do differently, and then see how you feel, see how your partner feels, see how your partner responds, see how it goes.

That’s it. That’s the experiment.

You have to collect data. You have to try stuff. You have to evaluate and iterate.

The scientific method applied to marriage.

Why Should I Be the One to Change?

So many of us get stuck in this loop of “Why should I be the one to change?” or “It takes two to tango.”

I get it. I totally hear you. I’ve heard those questions thousands of times over the years.

Those thoughts make so much sense. But they also keep you stuck in a holding pattern where nothing moves forward because you keep waiting for somebody else to take action.

And you never actually get the answer to the question you most want answered: Can this be different? Can it work for me? What would it look like if it was different and if it worked for both of us?

What Is the Power of One?

The power of one is completely based on systems theory.

Systems theory tells us that when one element of a system changes, the rest of the system responds to that change.

For example, if you come to a coaching session with me, we talk about something, and then you take a different attitude, intention, or focus to your next conversation with your partner—they respond to that intention.

They don’t have to have been in the room with you when you created the intention. They’re just responding to it.

And they either respond in a loving, connective way, or they respond in a way that gives you more data around what’s possible in your relationship.

Going First Doesn’t Mean Doing All the Work

When you practice the power of one, you go first.

And that isn’t you doing all the work. That is you leading with love, leading with intention.

You go first, and then you see what happens.

When you show up with a clear mindset, when you practice gratitude on purpose, when you choose a do-over instead of starting a fight, when you bring your best self to the table with your partner—your partner either meets you there or they don’t.

And like I always say: Either way, that’s information you want to have.

You either get closer or you get clear. And both of those outcomes serve you to move forward.

Small Tweaks Lead to Quantum Leaps

One of the things I love about the power of one is that it gives you a place to start.

You don’t have to overhaul everything. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to wait until you’re perfect or until the timing is right.

You just pick one thing. One small tweak. One tiny shift.

Maybe it’s practicing gratitude on purpose. Maybe it’s asking for a do-over when you mess up. Maybe it’s showing up for what you want instead of waiting for permission.

And then you see what happens.

Those small tweaks, done consistently over time, can lead to quantum leaps.

What the Power of One Doesn’t Mean

The power of one does NOT mean that you can change your partner.

I wish it did. If I had the answer to doing that, I would put it in a bottle and sell it. 😉

The power of one does not mean that you can overcome everything no matter what, either. There are some things that cannot be overcome. 

There are some relationships where the highest and most loving and most powerful outcome is where that relationship ends.

But what the power of one DOES give you is a place to start. A way forward. Clarity about what’s possible.

Your Invitation

Listen to this episode with intent to apply.

Pick one thing that resonates with you and experiment with it this week. See what shifts in you first. Then notice what shifts around you.

If this episode lights something up in you and you want the full experience, the Marriage Mindset Makeover takes you through five workshops that cover:

• How to embody your best self in the relationship
• How to choose thoughts that actually serve you
• How to be the change you want to see using the power of one
• How to develop relationship elasticity so you can navigate ups and downs without losing your connection
• How to make small daily investments that compound into real transformation over time

Those small tweaks, those tiny shifts—they matter more than you think.

Listen to the full episode

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Join the Growth Gap Workshop (FREE)

If you’re navigating any kind of relationship challenge and want support, I invite you to join my free Growth Gap Workshop. I teach you how to bridge the gap when you and your husband are growing at different speeds—and these principles apply to all aspects of your relationship.

Get access to the workshop for free here

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Work With Me Privately

If you’re a woman in a marriage that’s safe but stuck, mostly good but not nourishing, private coaching might be perfect for you. I work with women who have already decided to stay and want to close the gap between where their marriage is and where they know it can be.

Learn more about private coaching here.

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About Maggie Reyes

Maggie Reyes is a Master Certified Life Coach and feminist marriage coach for high-achieving women who want to strengthen marriages that feel stuck but not broken. She is the host of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, ranked in the top 2% globally, where she teaches high-achieving women the practical relationship skills they were never taught in school.

Through individual marriage coaching for women, Maggie helps clients improve communication, reconnect emotionally, and create real change in their relationships — even if their partner isn’t interested in couples therapy or coaching. She is the author of the bestselling Questions for Couples Journal and creator of the Soul-Centered Communication framework.

Maggie’s work is rooted in feminist values. While she primarily works with women married to men — navigating the patriarchal programming (and deprogramming) that shapes those relationships — she has also supported women in same-sex marriages. The same kinds of communication patterns, emotional disconnection, conflict loops, and repair skills apply regardless of gender. Her work is inclusive of diverse identities and experiences.

Marriage coaching for women who want to feel connected, not just committed

If you love your husband but feel disconnected, stuck in the same arguments, or exhausted from carrying the emotional load of the relationship, you’re not alone — and your side of the table is where your power lives.

Maggie specializes in individual marriage coaching for high-achieving women who want to feel loved, respected, and deeply connected again. Whether you’re looking for communication tools, emotional clarity, or a new way forward in your marriage, you’ll find support here.

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✨ Transparency Note

This post was inspired by The Marriage Life Coach Podcast and prepared with support from my team and AI. (It really does take a village — and I’m grateful for mine. ✨ 

Thank you for reading, it’s an honor to be part of your day.