The Definition of Modern Marriage

Let’s start with a scandalous declaration shall we? The definition of a modern marriage is, there is none.

There isn’t one way to fold sheets, or climb mountains, or be a wife. There is only your way. And my way way, and his way and her way. There is no wrong way either.

What’s absolutely perfect for me – blogging, making travel plans with the hubs, having an alarm that says “kiss your wife” on his phone that makes us laugh every night – has nothing to do with what is perfect for you.

And that’s okay.

We cause ourselves so much pain by thinking and believing that we have to live up to our (divorced) Auntie’s idea of marriage or my great grandmother’s ideal relationship.

We really don’t.

What we need to do is find what integrity means to us. And then do that.

Define what love means to us. And then be that.

Brenè Brown says vulnerability is your greatest strength.

 

I say marriage makes you vulnerable and strong. It brings out the best and worst in you and then it changes you in ways you could have never expected. For the better.

 

 

I tell everyone I know we need to re-define marriage. Together as a society. Individually as couples. Every day.

The totally adorable Nate Bagley asked me recently if I could only give one piece of advice and never write another blog ever again, what would I say. That man is crafty with a question!

My answer?

Question your assumptions.

Leave yourself open to interpretation. Let life surprise you. Question your assumptions. So you can learn. And teach. So your mind can be broken open and your heart can overflow with awe.

Question your assumptions about what your honey should or should not do.

Listen with love.

Question your idea of who you should be. What is a wife?

It’s whoever we say she is. We make her up every day as we go along.

Savor the freedom of knowing that if you didn’t like the wife you were yesterday, you can start again today.

And tomorrow.

And the next day.

You can make your marriage sacred. And soulful. And funny. And kind.

You can choose every day to look for the love. And find it.

Marriage is a choice we make every day.

Choose to make it your own.

Whatever that means.

And declare it wonderful.

Or at the very least – custom-made. Just for you. Everyday.

Like a Love-Latte.

The definition of a modern marriage is, there is none.

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This week’s LoveWork? Question your assumptions.

What is your definition of marriage? Please share in the comments.