Embracing Imperfect Love

When I sat down to write this post today I got stuck. Completely and utterly stuck in the mud, the car won’t start, it’s raining and I am getting oh so frustrated – stuck.

I wanted to write something lofty about breakdowns and breakthroughs. If I was totally honest with you, Dear Reader, I wanted to be brilliant. I wanted to write something inspiring and wonderful. And I wanted it so badly that I couldn’t write a word.

Has that ever happened to you?

I suspect there was some kind of battle between my ego and my soul and as long as my ego wanted to be brilliant and my soul wanted to be authentic and real we stayed in a stalemate.

Usually I sit down to write and have so much to say I can’t type fast enough.

Not today.

I will still write about breakdowns and breakthroughs, because I think there are so many angles to explore about what we get stuck in about our relationships – with our honeys and with ourselves.

But the post born out of my stuck-in-the-mud-moment is completely different than what I had in mind.

First – I took the advice I always give, and “changed the channel.” I got up, took a shower, turned on my iPod and cranked it all the way up.

You will know I am 39 years old and grew up listening to Pop Music when I tell you Celine Dion was singing. Loud and Proud, dears. Loud and Proud.

The song that came on was “That’s the Way It Is.” These are the lyrics:

I can read your mind and I know your story

I see what you’re going through

It’s an uphill climb, and I’m feeling sorry

But I know it will come to you

Don’t surrender ‘cause you can win

In this thing called love

When you want it the most there’s no easy way out

When you’re ready to go and your hearts left in doubt

Don’t give up on your faith

Love comes to those who believe it

And that’s the way it is

Moments like those, make me believe in angels. Celine was telling me *exactly* what I needed to hear at the very moment I needed to hear it.

Don’t surrender. You can win. Love comes to those who believe it.

Seriously. *Exactly* what I needed to hear.

I knew I would write a post today. Because I wasn’t going to surrender. Not when Ms. Dion was giving me a direct order at the top of her ever so beautiful lungs.

So I worked on a few other things first and came back to a blank page.

Suddenly the floodgates opened, and I *knew* what I wanted to share. First – the truth of the writing process – sometimes it’s jagged and rough and off-road and the truth is that even when you have a map you often end up in places you had never imagined you would go.

Second, I’ve written before about the myth of perfection, and I will surely write about it again and again. For as long as models are photo shopped and Bachelors give roses, I will want to point out that real life isn’t perfect and whenever we expect it to be we are setting ourselves up for pain and disappointment.

Today I remembered my very first Valentine’s Day with the Hubs. We went to a Jazz concert outside, it was a perfectly moonlit night and we had a picnic.

Back then the hubby was so nervous he was shaking. He wanted everything to be PERFECT. Although I part of me thinks it is eternally sweet that he was aspiring to “the perfect Valentine’s day,” the Life Coach in me says vehemently that “perfection is an illusion and the pursuit of it has cost generations of us countless tears and feelings of unworthiness.” We cry for real because of a lie we believe it’s true.

But believing it’s true does not make it so.

We had a great time that night. We also had a great time tonight when we watched “Once Upon a Time” and washed dishes. Real life is not all French bread and picnics. And I feel the need to remind you of that today and remind myself that on a regular basis.

If we expect imperfect love from ourselves and from others, we can open ourselves up to the beauty of the small moments. Holding hands while watching TV, dancing to Michael Buble at Best Buy, or giving each other a hug when one of us is frustrated, it’s those tiny moments that are evidence, not of perfection but of large, lovely, unconditional love.

The kind of love that doesn’t surrender because it’s having a bad day. The kind of love that says, “you can win in this thing called love.”

That’s what I want. For myself and for you.

I decided the most brilliant thing I could share today is to say that I believe in that kind of love. I believe in it and I will fight for it.

I will fight bad thoughts, negative assumptions, society’s expectations and all the false images we are fed about perfection.

And when I get stuck I will remember, “Love comes to those who believe it,” as Celine sings, “and that’s the way it is.”

 

How do you “change the channel” or change focus when you are stuck? What’s your favorite song to listen to when you need inspiration quickly? Please share in the comments.