Military Spouse Magazine is doing a feature story in their January issue on how to “Take Charge of Your Time.” I am delighted and honored to share that they spoke with a very sassy expert on this issue who had fabulous advice to offer.
Humble? Me? Really?
Yup Tony Robbins was in Fiji, Martha Beck was with Oprah, and so they called me. Page 49 – check it.
Their questions were centered around how to tactfully say-no-to-and-get-out-of volunteer situations. However, these strategies work for a wide variety of sticky situations, whether it’s the office picnic, the church pot luck, or the everyday PTA. (Is it still called PTA? I don’t have kids. I have been told things are different now.)
Let’s start with saying NO in the first place – before you over commit.
Sometimes in addition to a strategy, it’s a good idea to have a mini-script in mind of what you might say, so that you are not caught off guard when asked to hand over every Tuesday afternoon from 4 to 6 until 2014.
When I was in my twenties I worked as a Receptionist at a Law Firm. We repeatedly had inquiries about the same topics and I found myself writing scripts to cover the questions that we got over and over again so I always felt prepared and knew exactly what to say.
As I have gotten older and gained more confidence in myself, I haven’t relied on scripts as much, but every once in a while, when I know I am facing a difficult conversation, I will actually write down a couple of points in preparation. This increases my confidence and I feel less nervous.
I will be sharing some simple scripts today. I hope they help you as they have helped me. If you use one, please let me know how it goes. I love testing things in real life and tweaking as I learn what works best and what doesn’t.
Deflect – Tell the person you need to talk it over with your spouse first. Then you can come back to that person later and tell them no softly.
Suggested script: “Thank you so much for the opportunity, after reflection, and discussing it with my family, it’s not the right time for me to participate in this project. Thanks again for thinking of me.”
Ask for more information, then determine the size of your no:
Questions to ask: How long is the commitment? How many hours per day? Per week? What is the scope of the project? Are you stuffing envelopes or planning the Navy Ball?
Possible Script: ” Well I am sorry, I can’t commit to a 3 month project right now because of my family, but I am available the week before the ball to help with all the decorations, I will block off Monday and Tuesday to be available for whatever you need.”
Possible Script: “I am sorry I am not available to stuff envelopes, but I used to be an Event Planner for a luxury hotel, I can definitely assist with the fundraiser in February instead. Who should I contact to join that committee?”
How to tactfully leave a situation where you had previously committed to a project or committee, etc.
When you are already over committed, the best course of action depends on your personal situation and the people you are working with:
The Cold Turkey No – end your assignment immediately by speaking with whoever is in charge and letting them know you are taking a break and will no longer be available.
The Gradual Goodbye – If you are already on committees or groups that you want to re-assess your level of participation in, you can prepare your team for your shift in thinking in advance. Tell them you are thinking about what your families’ priorities will be in the New Year and you may need to take a break from the project for a couple of weeks to determine how involved you will be the following year.
In both of these cases it is useful to determine in advance:
- How many hours you are available
- What you and your family’s priorities are
- How much time you are willing to invest in volunteering *before* you have a conversation with anyone
If you are particularly nervous about the conversation, rehearse it with your spouse or a good friend and try to anticipate what the hardest part of the conversation will be so you can address it in advance of your meeting or phone call.
These are some strategies that have worked for me. Do you have a great way to say “No, Thank You?” Please share in the comments.
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