How to Say No During the Holidays: Setting Boundaries with Love

A lot of us are challenged during the holiday season, especially around setting boundaries. This is often an extremely busy time of year, filled with extra commitments, get-togethers, and requests for help. So the question I hear from my clients and community over and over is…

“How do I say “no” during the holidays without lying, making excuses, or hurting anybody’s feelings?”

Here are 4 steps to saying no lovingly and from a place of integrity:

1. Write a script. Think of the people or situations you might need to say no to, and write up how you’d like that conversation to play out. It might sound odd, but if you write 2-3 bullet points, it helps prepare you so that when you are asked, you already know what to say so that you can say no calmly and with confidence.
   
   
2. Understand the power of deflection. My universal answer to almost everything is, “Let me check with my husband.” (Really! Ask any of my friends – this is always my response.) The hubby and I try to consult with each other and focus our time together, so this provides me the opportunity to talk things over with him before making any commitments. It also gives me time to write a script if I want to jot down notes of how to respond (see #1).
   
   
3. Ask more questions. Sometimes you need more information before you can make an empowered decision. For example, if you’re asked to be on a committee for work or at your kids’ school, maybe you need to ask about what would be required of you to check if it fits into your schedule and your family’s schedule. Asking more questions helps you determine whether or not it’s something you can/want to commit to.
   
   
4. Decide what your priorities are. When you know what’s most important to you in this season, it’s easier to determine how someone’s request fits in with those priorities. If it’s your hubby making the request, have a soulful conversation from a place of love about your priorities as a couple and how his request may or may not fit in with that.
   

Use these 4 tips during the holiday season (and year-round!) to practice saying no with love and intention.

Remember, when you say no to things, you’re making space for the things that are most important for you and for your relationship.