Episode 141 - How to Build Stronger Relationships | Leading the Way with Deborah Le Corre

Episode 141 – How to Build Stronger Relationships | Leading the Way with Deborah Le Corre

The Marriage Life Coach podcast is all about building the marriage and life we want.

But what if, at the same time, you could love the marriage you already have? This is a big part of what I talked about today with Deborah Le Corre.

As a double-certified international brain coach, Deborah Le Corre helps humans perceived as strong but who have a gooey center (ie: introvert, highly sensitive, neurodiverse) love the life they have while building the life they want.

Deborah’s extensive background in science (including a phD in material science and nanotechnology!) deeply informs her coaching, using evidence-based tools and theories with her clients to help them make confident choices and decisions.

Deborah is also a recent graduate of The Marriage MBA, so not only did I get to ask her about her experience, but she shared some of her favorite tools from the program and how she used them to build a stronger relationship.

One of my favorite insights from Deborah was this:

“In some books about relationships, often some authors say both partners have to put in the work (which is also what they sometimes say in therapy). And I don’t think it’s true. What I’m seeing is that actually one partner can lead the way.”

Relationship coaching ah-ha moment: learning to manage versus solve problems

One of Deborah’s big ah-ha moments when she decided she wanted to figure out how to build stronger relationships was a concept I teach (and recorded this podcast about) referencing Unsolvable Problems.

It might be the first time you’ve heard of this as an idea, but I know you’ve seen it in the real world. It happens when a spender marries a saver, a night owl marries an early bird, or someone who’s very punctual marries someone who’s always running late (like me and my hubby).

There are certain things inherent to ourselves that aren’t going to change just because we love that other person.

Recounting a conversation with her husband on their opposing parenting styles, Deborah said, “I told my husband, this is an unsolvable problem. I have this vision and these values, and you have those ones, and they’re incompatible. And we’re trying to solve it, versus manage it. But unsolvable problems are unsolvable.”

What they realized they wanted to do was manage this problem instead.

“We both described what truly mattered to us and then moved on to, how do we get closer? How can I honor a little bit of how he shows up, and how can he honor a little bit of how I show up, so that we’re closer in our parenting style?”

Making this small shift was a game changer for Deborah’s relationship.

Deborah’s path to relationship coaching in The Marriage MBA

“I was concussed, burnt out, and grieving the somewhat traumatic death of my mom. So that was where I started. I was going to a therapist, telling her about my life, how I felt trapped – and also ‘my husband this, my husband that’.

After a few sessions she said, ‘Okay, so how do you want to get out of your marriage?’

I stopped seeing her, and I’m a researcher, so I went on a mission to find my answers. I started listening to lots of podcasts and that’s how I found coaching, and the idea of taking responsibility for where your life is.

How did I contribute to creating my life, my career, my marriage?

One podcast led to another and the first time I heard about you, Maggie, was on someone else’s podcast. I joined a coaching community where you were a guest coach and that’s when I was like ‘Oh, this is my person,’ and then I joined the Marriage Mindset Makeover. Then I was like, ‘I want more,’ so I joined The Marriage MBA.”

How relationship coaching led to acceptance of different emotions

So often in coaching we find that there are layers to get through before we can dive into the specific relationship issues. For Deborah, one of these layers involved having compassion and acceptance for her own human emotions.

“Another tool I wanted to mention because we coached on this for a long time, was accepting different emotions. In my case, it was accepting and having a relationship with my anger and other people’s anger.

Having worked on my emotions, I have more productive disagreements because now I can allow those emotions.”

I love that Deborah pointed this out because communicating clearly, understanding your emotions, managing your emotions, understanding your stress cycles, managing your stress cycles, these are different things that we talk about in the program and that I talk about all the time on this podcast.

What I teach and what we mean when we say a fight is productive is you can have a breakdown that leads to a breakthrough where at the end of the fight, you’re actually closer to your partner.

You understand each other more deeply. There’s something about it that moves you forward in a way that feels very tangible and real, versus having the same fight 50 times and you don’t feel like you actually made any progress in it.

Understanding and accepting your own emotions is an essential part of not just navigating how to build stronger relationships with others, but with who you are at your core.

The best time to get relationship coaching

I had to ask: what did Deborah want to get most out of our work together?

She said, “The funny thing is, my husband and I have been together for 18 years, and so I was like yes [this relationship] is good, it’s better than most, but it could be better.”

I really admire Deborah’s willingness to build a stronger relationship that she already saw as a good one. What I see so often as a relationship coach is that people think they have to wait until their situation is dire to get help.

The best time to get relationship coaching isn’t when it’s a dire situation, it’s when you’re noticing little things that can become big things.

Get the tools to build a stronger relationship

If you want to stop being frustrated with others’ behavior and how you respond to disagreements or fights and start showing up as the person you want to be, I want to invite you to enroll in The Marriage MBA.

The Marriage MBA — the Mindset Breakthrough Activator — is the 6-month group coaching and mentoring program that teaches you the relationship skills you weren’t taught in school.

What you’ll learn inside draws upon cognitive behavioral psychology — how your thoughts and feelings impact your actions and outcomes — to equip you with the kind of mindset that activates breakthroughs in ANY area of your marriage that feels less than 5-star.

You have so much more power and influence in your marriage than you realize. In The Marriage MBA, you’ll build the skills and tools to and deepen the level of connection in your marriage, then use them over and over for the years to come.

If you’re ready to figure out how to have a stronger relationship for yourself and your honey, this program will help you.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: