Episode 150- Christmas Marriage Magic | 5 Lessons Learned From Our Love Story
This week, I decided to share the story of how my husband and I met by bringing it to you from the two leading experts on the matter – me and my hubby, Mariano.
This is the perfect story to share with you on Christmas Day, because we in fact met on Christmas Day in 2005, just like a real-life Hallmark movie.
Not only did we meet on Christmas Day (me with a recently-broken heart), but our first date was a record-breaking 7 hours long. And he proposed six months later.
Can you see why this is my favorite love story? And my hubby is the best person in the world to tell it with, because he remembers tons of the little details that make it so fun.
We spent this episode remembering that sweet time of first meeting, and we shared five relationship lessons we learned when we were dating – including how those lessons have shaped our marriage into what it is now.
First lesson learned: change happens in an instant
As soon as you make a decision, change can happen. Earlier in the year, before we met, Mariano made a new year’s resolution to let more love into his heart (bold, right?).
He spent the whole year experiencing adventures and challenges – traveling, attending happy hours as a natural introvert, reading books on relationships – that were outside his comfort zone.
He wanted to grow into a person who would be ready for love when it came along.
As for me, I spent the year leading up to our meet cute staying busy with my law firm job, which had me constantly traveling between their offices in Chicago, New York, and LA. One day I realized… It was a great job for a single person, but I eventually wanted to get married. So I made a conscious decision to reorganize my life around that goal.
I found a job where I traveled less, and started putting myself out in the dating world.
Because we made our individual decisions, everything else was able to happen. When the time came for us to meet, we had laid all the groundwork needed for change to happen in an instant.
Second lesson learned: be 100% you
From the moment we met, we didn’t sugarcoat anything. There was zero pretending in the dating stage. We were only our authentic selves, which meant we got close quickly.
We met Christmas 2005 and Mariano proposed six months later, which was a quick progression. But our bond developed early because we were our true selves from the very beginning.
Third lesson learned: say yes to things you might normally say no to
Mariano spent the year leading up to our meeting saying yes to all kinds of experiences. But I needed to give my true yes, too, for us to start something new.
We were attending the same church when we met. After church service one day, my and Mariano’s separate friend groups decided to get brunch and invited us along. And what I’ve always loved to tell about this story is that I had already eaten. So normally, I would have said no, because why would I go to a meal when I’d already eaten?
But I was also practicing saying yes to things on purpose, giving intentional yeses and moving out of my comfort zone. So I said yes, and the rest is marriage history.
Sometimes we say we want something to be different, but what we do keeps creating the same results we don’t want. Giving ourselves permission to try new things is what will finally break that cycle.
Fourth lesson learned: be bold
I had just been unceremoniously dumped (for being too efficient…) when Mariano asked me out, but I was bold and said yes to him anyway.
Mariano had been practicing his boldness all year, so he felt no drama around being bold again in asking me out.
In his words, “You were a fascinating person I wanted to get to know better. Why should that hold me back?”
Fifth lesson learned: plan for the long term
By the end of our first date, we’d spent the whole afternoon together.
We’d been ice skating, to dinner, and to Starbucks. As we were going our separate ways, Mariano just said, “I plan for the long term. Bye,” and drove away.
I mean… what? I was left there wondering, ‘What does he mean, he plans for the long term? What is he talking about?’ Cue all the questions you could imagine.
Explaining that moment, Mariano said, “You were taking it slow. You wanted to protect yourself, you wanted to be sure it was safe before you fully opened up. And I got it. I understood. And I was really into you. And basically I was going to wait as long as it takes.”
As a now-happy couple, we still joke about that cliffhanger today!
But we each knew what we wanted long-term out of life and out of a partner. It’s easier sometimes to think in the shorter term of today and tomorrow. But it’s so immensely powerful to take a step back and think about the next 20 or 30 years.
What do you want your marriage to look like? If you had more of the same of what you’re having right now, would you want 30 years of that?
Find your happy couple story with support from a relationship coach
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