EPISODE #42 – The Way Men Heal with Tom Golden
On this episode of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, I’m so excited to be joined by Tom Golden, author of the landmark book – The Way Men Heal.
Tom Golden is well known in the field of healing from loss. He started working as a Therapist in the 1970s at a center for death and dying. It was there that he began to study the ways that men grieve, and how it was vastly different from women.
Drawing on thirty years of practical, hands-on clinical experience, Tom brings a gentle sense of humor and a gift for storytelling to everything he does, including this interview.
His work and his web site have been featured in the New York Times, the Washington Post, and U.S. News and World Report, as well as on CNN, CBS Evening News, and now, The Marriage Life Coach Podcast.
In the episode, we talk about the way men process grief and emotion, four concepts that make men’s pain invisible, and what women can do to help men who are grieving.
Heads up – some of the topics we touch upon here will sound patriarchal to you, because they are. It’s the water we swim in and we need to SEE the water to learn how to navigate it differently and start changing the way that water is flowing.
You don’t want to miss this eye-opening episode, it will help you understand the men in your life in a whole new way. And if you are married to a man, listen to it twice.
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HIGHLIGHTS
- (1:42) Tom tells us about his work and what inspired him to write The Way Men Heal
- (5:16) The way men process grief vs. the way women process grief
- (9:21) What happened when I “tested” this book on my husband
- (11:15) The testosterone flood and how it affects men
- (16:19) The first concept that makes men’s pain invisible: it’s taboo
- (20:45) The second concept that makes men’s pain invisible: the provide-protect role
- (25:00) The third concept that makes men’s pain invisible: the dominance hierarchy
- (29:54) How to react to the dominance hierarchy in a way that brings you and your partner closer together
- (30:44) The final concept that makes men’s pain invisible: testosterone priming
- (32:18) The surprising thing that happens when men get married
- (33:35) The importance of fathers
- (39:07) Why it’s important to men to be respected and admired
- (46:14) Why it’s vital to listen and love
- (49:26) What women can do to help men who are grieving
- (50:52) Tom’s answer to one of the questions from the Questions for Couples Journal
TRANSCRIPT
Click here to download this episode’s transcript.