Usually when you hear the words “decision making” sexy, fun, and cool might not be the first words that come to your mind. I know.
I want to change that today. Or blog trying. 😉
I have read a lot lately about decision fatigue – the President has two colors of suits, Mark Zuckerberg wears the same t-shirt and jeans combo, so “what to wear” decisions are eliminated and they can move on to juicier decisions like how improve the economy or improve the feed experience on Facebook, etc.
The idea is that you make a decision once, put that item on autopilot and move on to other decisions that matter to you more.
Now generally speaking I am not a fan of putting your marriage on autopilot because I believe our relationships are dynamic experiences we create every day with love and intention.
However, there is always the exception that makes the rule more interesting and I have some ideas on decision making and auto pilot and marriage and sexiness that I think might be useful.
Here we go….
I realized this weekend that I made a hugely impactful decision at the beginning of my marriage that my hubby loves, works for me, and I never thought of again until yesterday.
When we first got married, I had a lot of thoughts about the kind of wife I wanted to be and I decided I wanted to be the cool wife.
Like the cool mom, but without kids. In other words, the approachable, reliable, serious, yet fun kind of wife.
In short, a wife that doesn’t nag.
I even dislike the word nag. It just sounds like ick to me.
We were talking about changing a showerhead. Don’t Aha moments come disguised as regular every day moments, like, all the time? They do in my house.
We bought a new showerhead a year ago. It’s been collecting dust on one of our shelves ever since.
So we were talking about finally installing the new one.
And we started joking and laughing about how long we have had it and other pending projects around the house.
I told my hubby, “We have never had a Honey-Do list, it’s been nine years, it’s time.” Then we both laughed and I immediately retracted my statement.
I realized I made a decision a long time ago that I didn’t want to be a nagging wife.
Then I said, “Yup, when we got married, I wanted to be the cool wife, how is that working?” and the hubster, with a huge grin on his face said, “Just fine, I like it!”
I made that decision once. And every decision that came after that was easy.
Power question #1 – “Does this feel naggy?”
Hmmmm a little, yeah. Don’t do it. Don’t say it.” As my favorite superhero show, Arrow, often says: Find another way.
Power question #2 – “What would a cool wife do?”
Answer – At my house, she walks into Gamestop, knowing nothing about games and gets the brand new release her hubby is lusting after, even though it just shipped and it’s packed in a box and the boys have go to back of the store to unpack it, because #Priorities.
Your power questions might be different and your answers most certainly will be.
The idea is that the decision comes first.
Making the decision to invest love and intention into your marriage came first. Then that decision, put on autopilot, makes it immensely easier to make all the others.
“Does this bring me closer to the person I want to be? To the wife I want to embody?”
If it’s a yes, it’s done. If it’s a not sure or a maybe…..it’s probably a no in disguise.
MENTAL NOTE FOR ALL MY READERS – Not sures and maybes are usually no’s in disguise. Here is my Oprah Mantra on the topic: “Doubt means no.” I learned it from the Big O and I use it daily. It might not be no forever. It might be no until I have more information or the timing isn’t right or I change my perspective, but it almost always is the “take no-action-right-this-second, let-it-simmer, kind of no.” Got that? Good. You are welcome. Carry on.
Back to making decisions…
I decided when I got married that I wouldn’t nag. That decision came from a more overarching decision that included the notions that A. I wanted to stay married and B. I wanted to not only love my hubby but also enjoy my marriage.
As I thought about this I came to the conclusion that in order to love my relationship – and who I am when I am in it, I want to be the best me I can be, which I labelled with the words “The Cool Wife.”
I made a decision to not just be authentic and myself but to bring the best parts of myself to my marriage.
And that my friends, is probably the one of the sexiest decisions I ever made.
In fact, the hubster would like the world to know that he wholeheartedly approves and supports of this choice.
How is making decisions like this sexy? Sexy has so many meanings: passionate, amorous, highly appealing or interesting.
Being the best of myself brings all those qualities to the table. Making that choice daily helps me connect to my hubby in a way that feels good to me and to him.
And when you feel good, you connect emotionally and physically way more often.
Hence the sexiness of the situation.
My mother in law reads this blog, so that is all I am going to say about that.
Here is what I want you to notice: creating goodwill in your marriage is like making deposits in your emotional bank account, the more you put in, the greater your fortune in fun, connectedness, sexiness, happiness and all the –nesses.
Nurturing and nourishing your relationship is both a daily activity and a decision you can put on autopilot. Your daily decisions come from that first instinct to decide to make your marriage awesome.
What do you need to make a decision about this week? Take a minute as you are reading this right now and decide. Then do.
Every good thing you have ever done, had or been started with a decision. Deciding is part 1. Doing is part 2. What do you need to do right now, in this moment, during this week to bring that decision to life?
Do it.
I am so passionate about how important the power of decision is that I made it the first step towards creating a thriving, happy marriage, or what I like to call a “5 Star Marriage.” Click here to download my free guide “The Love Upgrade” with all 7 steps and my deep and easy “Where is the Love?” quiz to give you a “State of Your Union” snapshot on what to celebrate and what to escalate to make your relationship awesome.
And if you want some personalized help with your decision making process, click here for information on 1:1 private coaching with me.
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