Let me guess, after reading that title, you are either thinking:
Absolutely not, no way.
Or my problems are too large, this is crazy talk.
Or tell me more, I am listening. First we need to agree that every relationship has both solvable and unsolvable problems.
You know that *one* thing that you just never saw eye to eye on, even when you were dating?
That, my dear, is an unsolvable problem that will never go away.
However, over time it can either bring you closer together or farther apart.
Obviously, considering we are all about creating lives we love with the loves of our lives around these parts, we want the closer together version.
Navigating a doozie of a problem can actually bring you more intimacy, love, connection and strengthen the bonds you already have.
The Presence of Problems
I know many people who believe their life would be perfect if they had no problems.
They often think that their neighbors, bosses, reality stars and really rich people simply have no problems and that’s why they are happier.
They see a happy couple and think, “They must not have any problems.”
Do you know someone like that? <Inserts sheepish look, I might have been someone just like that, but life and coaching has taught me, everyone has problems and that beautiful green grass on the other side comes from a mix of water, fertile soil and sun. When I devote time, energy and love to my grass, it can be just as green. Greener even.>
So now that we all agree that everyone has problems, what do we do about them exactly?
I often write about the importance of the daily check in, or clear communication, or not believing your negative thoughts.
Although all of those things matter, when you study the different research that has been done over the last 20 years about marriage and what makes relationships last, you see a very clear thread that is just so simple and yet so easy to forget.
Marriages that last don’t necessarily argue less or have magical lives with no issues, but they all do have one thing in common: they have learned how to nurture the love that hooked them up in the first place.
Which brings me back to Compassion, Empathy, and Really Deep Breaths.
Obviously these 3 things *alone* will not necessarily solve whatever problem you are facing right now, however the presence of these 3 elements creates an environment where solving a problem is possible. In other words – grass cannot grow on rock.
It needs to be placed in fertile soil to thrive.
Compassion, which includes the strong desire alleviate the suffering of another and empathy, which indicates the ability to identify with another person’s emotions, create a fertile soil where problems can be addressed without overpowering the loving connection you had in the first place.
The deep breath helps to bring on enough calm for compassion and empathy to kick in before the problem escalates.
If you have ever taken a yoga or tai chi class, you probably learned about anchoring movement to breath. In other words, you slow down your breath and coordinate your movements.
The health benefits of this type of breathing have been researched extensively. Here is one of my favorite articles from those smarty pants at Harvard about the benefits of deep breathing.
Take a moment right now and notice how you are breathing. Is it deep? Is it shallow? Is it super-fast?
Can you take a moment to put your hand on your hear and take a nice slow deep breath?
Yes. Now.
Because reading articles is super fun, but it is in the ACTION you take that your life improves.
Now think of your honey. The love of your life. Think of one reason why you love him. Or 3. You can use these reasons as anchors to remind you that he is worth taking a deep breath over.
No matter what marriage problem you might be facing right now.
It’s a mountain worth climbing. Not only because of all the ways he is loveable and awesome, but because taking that deep breath, and remembering one of the reasons why you got together in the first place will help you bring the power of that love into the present moment, right now, where it is needed the most. See?
Going back to our original question, can Compassion, Empathy and a Really Deep Breath Solve Your Marriage Problems?
The answer is it’s up to you.
Marriage and love are not mysteries to be confused about, they are decisions we make every day.
You can use a marriage problem to bring you closer together or tear you further apart.
And the one thing you have in absolutely every moment of your life and marriage is the power to choose.
I invite you to choose love whenever possible.
Do you have marriage problem that has kept you stuck longer than forever?
I might be able to help you with that. Click here to Contact Me for a Complimentary “What Do You Want + How Can I Help” Call where we can discuss how you want to feel and options to help you discover how to experience those feelings again.
If you know someone who is struggling in their relationship, please send them this post. It might be the spark of inspiration they need to choose love today. XO
