Maggie Reyes:
Hello everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I am so excited to bring you this episode today. I have one of the members of the Marriage Mindset Makeover here who wrote me the most beautiful letter that just touched me to the core of my soul, and I can’t wait to share her story and her experiences and just her beautiful heart with all of you.
Her name is Bobby and I want to welcome Bobby to the podcast. Please introduce yourself. Just let us know a little bit about you and then we’ll talk a little bit about your experiences in the makeover.
Bobbi Marinello:
Okay, great. Thank you Maggie, so much for having me on. It’s such an honor. Like Maggie said, my name is Bobby and I have been in an almost eight year relationship. Me and my partner are not married, but we have been living together for almost eight years now. So we’re basically married .
Maggie Reyes:
Long-term.
Bobbi Marinello:
And we’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs and that is sort of my journey with starting thought work was working on my relationship because I always wanted to stay in this relationship.
One of my goals, as I wrote to you, Maggie, was to get married eventually, and I just thought, well, this relationship can’t really, I don’t see that happening unless I work on it. And I thought, best thing is to start with myself. So I went through, the thought work journey and started listening to different podcasts and met you through that originally.
And we were at another turning point where I just felt like, okay, I need to really settle down and work on this and focus on my relationship because I had a lot of other focuses at the time, school work, and my daughter. And so I started the Marriage Mindset Makeover and it just opened up so many doors and really improved my relationship in a short amount of time.
Maggie Reyes:
I love hearing that. So for everyone who’s listening, we’re in 2022 as we record this, but this will probably come out in 2023, interestingly enough. So, hi 2023, and I have a self-study program called the Marriage Mindset Makeover, where you get five workshops and you get a bunch of bonus items and we have a library of coaching calls in there.
And so this is a program that I run that is very low touch. So the Marriage MBA, very high touch. You meet with me every week, we work through things. It’s like a very intimate program. And this one, I really wanted to have something out in the world where anybody could do it. You could do it on your own schedule at your own time.
Number one, to show people something that I talk about on the podcast all the time, which is one person can change your relationship. Like one person can have such a huge impact on how a relationship goes. And that’s really the focus in the Mindset Makeover is to really think about how you’re thinking about your relationship.
So Bobby I know made some notes and has some things that she learned in the program that she wants to share, and I really wanna sort of hand the microphone over to you and just hear what your experiences were, what helped you the most, and anything that’s on your mind.
Bobbi Marinello:
Yeah, I mean, every single day in the Marriage Mindset Makeover, there’s like hundreds of things that you can write down.
There’s like these little nuggets of wisdom that I get every time I’m like, ooh, I need to write that down. I need to talk about that. I need to think about that more and see how I can apply it. Because I think that’s one thing that I really learned too with coaching in general, is it’s directly applicable.
And I just can find so many things that I can work on daily through that. So one of the things that you just referenced was the power of one. And I was always stuck in this loop of, well, if he’s not gonna do it, I’m not gonna do it. Or if he’s not gonna change, you know, what does it matter if I change?
And it matters so much, and it’s always when you see that you’re focusing on the other person, you’re not seeing the growth that you can make in yourself and how much that changes the entire relationship. So the power of one really helped, and then I had written in my notes here, is that even if you’re working on yourself and the other person doesn’t change, you have all that growth and all that change for you to move forward in whatever way that you choose.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah, so sometimes you’re working on yourself and you start responding to your partner differently, and then they start responding to you differently. So sometimes that happens. Sometimes you’re working on yourself and they respond that the way they always have, but it doesn’t land the same way because now you’re in a different space in your brain, so something maybe hurt your feelings, or it was upsetting before, and you’re like, oh, they’re just having a bad day.
It has nothing to do with me. Suddenly it doesn’t land. It doesn’t hurt my feelings the way it might have before, and I think that’s such an important distinction to make that sometimes they do start relating differently in some ways and sometimes they don’t, but it just doesn’t land the same.
Bobbi Marinello:
Yeah, exactly. And I definitely can relate to that because I think I was very, I considered myself very sensitive and got my feelings hurt very easily, and I saw sort of taking myself out of that loop that not everything is about me. Sometimes they’re just having a bad day, you know, he’s just tired and doesn’t wanna talk or doesn’t want to play with the kids or doesn’t wanna do something, he’s just tired. That has nothing to do with us, and I’ve learned to have so much more compassion too, in my relationship.
Maggie Reyes:
I love that so much. I think that when we turn to his compassion, we always win. And compassion for ourselves and the other person.
So that doesn’t mean, cause we have compassion doesn’t mean we allow behavior we don’t actually want, or it doesn’t mean we accept things that go against our values. It’s just, we can see, oh my gosh, this person is going through a thing. We still have our brain and can determine if that violates a core value that we have, we don’t have to accept it.
And I always feel like it’s so important to be so explicit because, in relationships we have a spectrum, right? We have a spectrum of what’s healthy, what’s unhealthy, what is useful, what isn’t useful. And I always feel like when we have mindset tools where we can question our perspectives, we can access compassion.
Someone out there listening is gonna take that and twist it into, well, I was being compassionate, so I let them walk all over me. No, no, no. That is not the goal, right? Just say that out loud for that person.
Bobbi Marinello:
And I think that definitely needs to be said too, because I think, well, for myself, I’m pretty compassionate, but I think I also, to bring up another thing, another one of the teaching points, got into the Dr. Drama triangle very easily and then played the victim, right? You just kind of get into that habit of playing the victim and then you allow yourself to be walked all over, but compassion kind of does the opposite. You can see from an outsider’s perspective and not play the victim.
So this person is angry, but it doesn’t have anything to do with me. I’m not the victim of their anger.
Maggie Reyes:
That’s so powerful. So in the Makeover and in the MBA, I actually talk about the trauma triangle. Whenever I teach anything relationship related, there’s this beautiful, I don’t know what I, it’s, it’s not a hypothesis, I guess it’s just a hypothesis. It’s like the idea from a psychologist named Steven Cartman that all of us have different roles in this drama triangle and sometimes with the victim, and sometimes we’re the perpetrator, and then sometimes we’re the rescuer.
I know myself as that sort of type A, get everything done persona. I have absolutely been in the rescuer mindset, like I’m gonna sweep in and I’m gonna fix it. I’m gonna make it better. As opposed to, and then some, what happens often is we jump from role to role to role. So it’s like, oh, I didn’t make it better and now I’m victimized by this terrible behavior that did not improve.
And then I’m also the perpetrator because now I’m really resentful and angry, and now I’m gonna unleash that.So we can be in all the roles in the triangle and what we talk about on the Makeover and in the MBA as well is like stepping out. Let’s just step outta the triangle. Everybody take a moment. Step out. I was excited that you found that useful.
Bobbi Marinello:
Yes. Very useful. What else do I have in my notes? Oh, this was such a good one. Understanding does not equal love. I grew up watching romcoms and thinking that, oh, you know, your soulmate. This is your soulmate. The person who mirrors you, the person who matches you.
And you have to understand everything. And that was sort of an argument that my partner and I had a lot, is that, well, you’re not understanding me, you’re not understanding. You know, you’re not understanding what I’m saying or where I’m coming from. And just because now from my understanding of this, we can allow them to have their opinions or their values or whatever it is that they want.
And maybe it’s not the exact same as ours, but if it’s not, I guess if it’s not detrimental to the relationship, like I don’t know how to explain it. If it doesn’t completely misalign with my values and if it’s okay to allow them to hold that, then it’s okay and I don’t have to go there and try and, you know, think about it all night long to understand why, you know, why he’s thinking that way.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah, I think it’s like we could compare it to something simple like if we love two different sports teams, right? If we have two different ways of loading the dishwasher, right? That could be something people go to blows over, right? But it’s not detrimental to the life of the relationship. If I put the dish facing north and you put it facing south, like we could still relate.
And this is something that actually, it’s so funny that you would mention this cause I just coached on that this week where it’s something that I’ve never really heard it said in this way before, which is why I repeat it a lot. Cause I think people should think about this for everyone listening to the podcast right now when we say understanding does not equal love.
What I mean by that is you don’t have to understand a person to love them. And people will hear me say that and be like, oh, I don’t know. Everybody wants to be understood. Like that’s the whole point, right? Well, maybe. So if you look around the room you’re in, or if you’re out for a walk when we’re with you, as you’re out for a walk and you’re out and about, just look around where you are right now.
If you’re out walking, maybe there’s a light post. Maybe there’s a car whizzing by. Maybe there’s some piece of technology you’re using to listen to us. If you’re in a room, like I’m in a room right now and I’m in Miami, Florida and there’s air conditioning here, and unless you’re an automotive engineer or an electrical engineer, or an AC technician or something, I have no idea how any of these things work.
Yet, I love these things and so when you start looking around your life to all the things that you don’t actually understand, but that you have love for. Like why is chocolate cake delicious? Do we really know? What is it about the combination of the flour and the sugar that’s different and the yellow cake and then the chocolate cake?
I have no idea, and yet I find it delicious and I enjoy it very much, and I don’t feel a compulsion to understand the chemistry of these chemicals. And yeah, we take humans, which is one of the most nuanced things on earth, that sometimes we ourselves don’t understand ourselves. We’re like, no, no, no, I must understand in order to love this.
Bobbi Marinello:
And thinking, you know, like he loves, he’s been working on this classic truck now for almost two years, he’ll spend his entire days off, you know, his whole weekends in the garage and it’s, we live in California and it’s really hot in the garage and it’s not air conditioned.
He’ll work 12 hours straight on this truck. And I’m like, I don’t understand why he enjoys that. Like, I have no idea, but I respect it and I love him for it. I’m like, I’m so proud of you for this dedication that you have. Would I ever wanna do that? No. I’ll never in my life teach myself how to rebuild a classic track.
I will never do that. And he has, he’s spent like hours on YouTube teaching himself how to do this, right? And he doesn’t know how I can finish my master’s degree and go to school and do the things that I do. He’s like, I hate school. I would never do that. But we still, you know, find the love for each other and respect, even though we don’t understand it.
Maggie Reyes:
And I love that you use the word respect. So you can respect a person or their hobbies or their passions or their delights without understanding them. And so many of us trip ourselves up. We put understanding in between us and love. And sometimes it’s useful, like, I’m not saying don’t understand a person if you can and, it’s possible and that’s great, that’s awesome. But if for some reason that’s just not available to you, then understanding is not required. You can just love them. Just like I love AC and I will never understand how there’s like hot air all around me and cold air comes out of that vent.
I will never know. But I can love it every day.
Bobbi Marinello:
There was something you said in the last episode or the last module of the Mindset Breakthrough that was, what if you take a break from making them wrong? And that really stuck with me because I think I get in the black and white loop thinking like, this is right and this is wrong. And the way that he thinks about this is wrong and I’m right. Or you know, however it goes. And it’s like, what if I just stop and release that judgment of right and wrong? And where can that take me?
And I think it really leads to more compassion and understanding. Which eventually leads to a stronger bond and more love between us, which is what I want. I think that’s what everybody wants in their marriage and their relationship. And so I’m, when I heard that today, I’m like, oh, that’s such a good point, and I really want to try and practice that.
I really wanna try and take a break from the judgment of right and wrong.
Maggie Reyes:
I love that so much, that that stood out for you and that it’s really something that’s simple, but not easy. So as you’re listening to Bobbi share the different things that stood out for her, what I want everyone to think about is you could spend a whole year just on that one thing.
And it would completely transform your relationship for one, and you would fall down, get back up again. You would forget. You’d like, oh my gosh, I’m doing it again. Right. Just how any habit that we break or that we form, there’d be all of these sort of like little hiccups along the way. But it’s very, very, very simple.
The thing you were doing is just like, oh, am I making that partner wrong again? Oh, oh, there, there am I making myself wrong again? What if I wasn’t wrong? We do it to ourselves too. Like what if I get to have my opinion and they get to have their opinion and it’s fine? And so I just offer it to everyone listening as you’re listening to the different things we’re talking about.
Which one pops out at you and just play with it and I always say with the spirit of playfulness, with the spirit of like, let’s try it. Let’s see how it goes. I’m very curious to hear, Bobbi, I know that you’ve watched the workshops more than once. What’s been your experience in being in a completely like self-study environment?
I know for some people, some people listening, they like love that it’s like totally, they totally thrive. It’s like, get the Makeover, do it immediately. Other people come into the marriage MBA and then I coach them and we’re in contact for the week. And we’re just going deeper into different things.
But tell me a little bit about just your, your experience around the actual interaction with the material.
Bobbi Marinello:
So I think for me, I’m a very auditory and visual learner. So the videos really help me and I’m also, I’m in my car a lot. I’m driving a lot or I’m doing things around the house and so it helps me to just put my AirPods in and listen or, or watch.
And having that own time to do it on my own time is really helpful for me. And then also, you know, I like to absorb it a couple times, so each time I watch it, I get another nugget out of it, you know, to work on or to think about or to journal about. So the self-study for me is really helpful. I think there’s a place definitely, and like I would love to be in the Marriage MBA one day and do that deep dive, but I think this right now is like, there’s so much you could work on, like you said, just that one thing you could work on for an entire year.
Maggie Reyes:
It’s just that I think that sometimes we, I don’t know what I would call it, like gluttony, I don’t know if that’s the right word, but it’s kind of like we wanna do all the things and I, before I was a life coach, I worked in ultra luxury hospitality and in luxury anything, but especially in luxury hospitality, it was always not about doing all the things.
It was about doing some very, very simple things to a high degree. And that mindset always stayed with me that it’s like it’s not necessary to do all the things, like pick one thing and do it spectacularly well. And I think whether it’s the power of one and just deciding that you’re just gonna decide who you wanna be in the relationship and then show up like that every day or deciding I don’t need to understand.
Like imagine for everyone listening, just putting that sweater on of “I don’t need to understand”, not just with your partner, but maybe with their boss at work, maybe with your coworkers, maybe with a family member that you just don’t see eye to eye with. It’s like, what if I didn’t need to understand? And that’s all you did.
It would still have this like, I feel like it would just open up so much in your hearts.
Bobbi Marinello:
You just see people as human and not an adversary or, you know what I mean? You just see people as like, oh, well they’re just a human trying to get through this life with whatever tools that they’ve been given.
And it just opens up so much more understanding.
Maggie Reyes:
I love that. And what has been the effect in your relationship of using some of these? What have you found?
Bobbi Marinello:
I am not as quick to anger for sure, and I think I really listen to what my partner is saying to me more. So one of the first things that happened when I had first started, and I think I did it over, I think I did maybe one module a week, so I was taking it pretty slow. But the first one, I remember you saying, you know, this is one of the most important relationships in your life. So put it first, and we’ll put yourself first also, right? But like put your marriage, put your relationship first.
And I had been planning a trip to go see my family. So my family lives in Las Vegas and I live in California. And the trip got canceled. So the following weekend I was like, oh, you know, I’m gonna go back to Vegas to see my family this weekend. And I had gone on a girls trip the month before and I had done some other things with my daughter cuz she’s in a competitive dance.
And he was like, we never do anything together. We haven’t gone on a trip together for over a year. We haven’t done, like he was just saying, we’re not spending any time together. And he got pretty angry and pretty upset. And instead of me being defensive and saying, well, you never plan anything or you don’t, you know, instead of starting the argument, I sat there and I listened to him and I’m like, he’s asking for me to not go and to do something with him and to make our relationship a priority.
And so I said, let’s go do something. We planned something, like a weekend getaway right then. And it really opened up so much for us because we got to spend one-on-one time together that I probably wouldn’t have done it before this. I probably would’ve been like, no, this is what I wanna do.
I wanna see my family. Sorry. And so, yeah, it just like allowed me to see, and it made us closer. And so thank you for that.
Maggie Reyes:
Aw, you’re welcome. That’s the goal. I mean, my highest intention is always, and I talk about it, one of the days in the Makeover is get closer and get clear.
Get clear about what’s possible in your relationship, and I really feel that it’s almost impossible not to get closer. If you go through and you experiment with the different things, you can pick whichever one you wanna experiment with, but it’s, it’s virtually impossible. So I love hearing that.
What I love hearing your story is how concrete that was. And so sometimes when we’re talking about things like forgiveness or letting go or, or being less defensive, it’s like, well, what happens on a Tuesday? I’m always like, what’s happening on a Tuesday? If you actually do the thing, it’s like, here’s what happens.
He says something that would’ve led you to a fight and instead of a fight, you go on vacation. That’s what happens on a Tuesday. Instead, and I think you mentioned that in the letter that you sent me about the fight that you don’t start is the fight you don’t have to recover from. And that’s the thing that I say like a broken record whenever I’m teaching anything.
So everyone I’m sure has heard it on the podcast, you’ll hear it in the Makeover, you heard it in the MBA. It’s just an important thing and it’s like what happens when you’re not recovering from fights all the time?
Bobbi Marinello:
That has been something that has helped so much and I think you know that having more compassion and understanding and not trying to defend myself all the time. What was that concept? It’s no defending.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah, no complaining and no defending.
Bobbi Marinello:
No complaining and no defending. And I think with defending, it’s goes right along for me. With the fight, you don’t start, it’s the part you don’t have to recover from.
So if I’m in a defensive mode, then I’m already starting a fight. So it’s like, oh, well how can I be curious about what he’s saying instead of trying to defend? Or how can I just take it in and feel my anger and process the emotion before I react to it and then start a fight?
Maggie Reyes:
I love that so much.
How can I be curious about what he has to say instead of preparing to de defend myself? That is so powerful and I love, there’s a quote by Byron Katie, who is a personal development author who says, defense is the first act of war. And that always stuck with me. That sentence. It’s like, wait, when I go into defense, then I’ve already started the fight.
And any fight I start, I’m always gonna lose. Think about this for a second. Everybody, whenever we start a fight, we’re always losing cuz we’re losing connection, we’re losing communication, we’re losing passion, we’re losing joy. Like the price we pay is very high. And that doesn’t mean you don’t stand up for ourselves, ask for the things we want.
It’s just the way we go about it. Where, how can we collaborate as a team on the things that matter the most to us, it’s very different than being defensive about it.
Bobbi Marinello:
And I’ve seen that, really change in my relationship too, is that I found a way to, instead of say things I guess in a defensive way, speak about my needs.
You know, and be, and ask, request, right? Request, not demand, request for the things that I want in the relationship. And right away I’ve noticed he’s not always the most receptive. He’s sometimes is very, you know, annoyed or whatever about it, but he takes his time, he thinks about it.
He might come back a couple hours later. He might come back the next morning, he’ll be like, oh yeah, let’s do that. You know you were right. And it’s because of the way I’ve changed how I speak to him.
Maggie Reyes:
No, I love that. I think that’s very clear. You changed how it’s not that your desires have changed or that you don’t want some of the same things that you wanted before.
It’s the way in which you communicate that. And that makes the difference. And I love that, like such a good example where he’s not like all into it in the first 30 seconds, right? It’s like he has to warm up to it, but because it’s a, it’s a more loving approach. It’s like he’s able to digest it, is what it sounds like to me.
Bobbi Marinello:
Yeah, and it’s not in a defense mode, way that I’m saying it, that allows him, cuz we’re not arguing or we’re having just like a conversation where we can be open and honest with each other and then he can hear it and take it in.
Maggie Reyes:
So good. Okay, so I always like to ask a question from the book, the Questions for Couples Journal.
I wrote this book, I’m saying this out loud on the podcast because recently I posted on one of my social media about my book and somebody said, well, what book? I’m like just in case somebody’s brand new. Welcome. It’s a really cool book. It has 400 questions that’ll help you get closer. And this is really funny actually, somebody, every once in a while I’ll pop into Amazon and I’ll read some of the reviews and the book is called the Questions for Couples Journal and someone on an Amazon review said it was not what I expected. , and I have laughed about that for days. I’m like, what? Did you think it was gonna be a cookbook? I don’t. I’m so confused. Like, I’ve never had a more literal title. So person who wasn’t what you expected. We are just curious, what were you expecting?
Okay. So I like to ask a question from the book, and this is the one for today, you get to pick one thing from your favorite store that you never have to pay for again.
What would you choose?
Bobbi Marinello:
That’s so hard, because I have a lot of favorite stores and a lot of favorite things. Okay.
Maggie Reyes:
Top three girl.
Bobbi Marinello:
One thing would be, this is the first thing that came to my mind and it’s so silly, but when I think about like things that boyfriend and I like, I cook a lot because we live in a place that doesn’t have a lot of good food, and I always run out of avocados like really quickly.
So if I could just get avocados from my favorite grocery store just at the house for Life that would be great.
Maggie Reyes:
That’s so good.
Bobbi Marinello:
It’s a little silly, but that’s kind of the first thing that came to my mind.
Maggie Reyes:
Yeah, I don’t think it’s silly at all. My favorite store is Anne Taylor.
If you’ve ever seen me on a Zoom or like if you see me in the Makeover, this is like a 98% chance or whatever I’m wearing came from Anne Taylor. Yeah. Like if you guess Anne Taylor, you’re likely to be right. Even what I’m wearing today. So I would like, my favorite thing from Anne Taylor would be like, can I just have anything I want? for the rest of my life.
Bobbi Marinello:
That would be fun. That’s me in anthropology. I could live with that store.
Maggie Reyes:
Oh my gosh. Anthropology has the best candles. They have this butter rum Christmas candle that is like the best candle in the history of all candles.
Bobbi Marinello:
Yes. And they last forever. Their candles last forever.
Maggie Reyes:
They’re delicious. They’re amazing. Butter rum. I don’t know if they put it out when it’s not Christmas, but it definitely is always out at Christmas and I really go then and I always buy some. So highly recommend everyone listening.
Bobbi Marinello:
Get anthropology candle. One of the things, I’m sure it’s a part of one of the module, but it was also a part of sort of like my own thought work journey too, was really getting into understanding my patterns of thinking and how it leads me in a certain way. And I think this was actually on the last module and probably, you know, peppered throughout each one, but.
Like I said, I was used to playing like, I’m the perfect one in this relationship and I’m doing everything right and like, he’s the villain, right? So like always casting him as the villain in the story . And when I did that for the years that we, you know, we were together, but it was a up and down relationship I saw the damage that it did, you know? And so I really wanted to change that narrative. And so doing that through thought work really helped. But it also helped thinking about what are all, I think you did say this at one point, what are all the things that my partner does for me or for our relationship that are acts of love, our acts of kindness?
And it could be the smallest things. And every time that I start to get into that real negative, he’s the villain this isn’t gonna work, this relationship, you know, whatever. All the bad thoughts or the thoughts that make me feel bad. I think, how can I counteract that? What is my evidence against that?
Because it’s very easy for me to come up with all the evidence that I’m used to looking at and the ways that my brain is used to, you know, thinking. And then I started thinking recently, like, so I am doing my first triathlon and I’ve never done one before. So I’m super excited about it and he is really excited for me.
He’s like so excited. He went and bought me this really nice bike, it’s so sweet. And he’s doing all these things to prepare me for that. And so we had gotten into I think one of our biggest fights since I started it and I started to go down the negative road. And then I switched and then all I could think about was, look at all these things he’s done to help me prepare for this triathlon.
Like, look at all the extra links. He’s gone look at all the little things that he’s done. he looked up the route for me of where the bike trail’s gonna go and where I’m gonna swim. Before I even was able to do that, he’s like, I’m so excited. Look at this is what you’re gonna do and this is where you’re gonna be.
And I’m like thinking to myself. How could he not love me? You know, with all of these things that he does and he’s a human and he gets angry or he gets, you know, a little depressed maybe, or he has moods that are hard for me to deal with, but that’s, he’s human.
Maggie Reyes:
I think that when we can look at ourselves as human, like we have ups and downs, we have good days and bad days, we loosen the grip on the need for perfection in ourselves.
It helps us also loosen the grip for the need for perfection in our partners. And then we can look at them and just see that humanity in them and see the good and the bad, and the great and the, I always, I call it the big burrito of life. Like they’re wildly amazing, but also have a terrible thing and also, you know, have a beautiful quality of generosity, but also can lose the fuse really quickly.
Like we can just see all of it, like a big burrito. Like, oh, it’s all, it all comes together. The good, the bad, the neutral, and it’s ok. Ah, I love that. And I love something that you mentioned is that you were going down that road and then you chose another road. And something I talk about a lot. It’s like do-overs, fresh starts and do-overs?
Well, we have a podcast episode called Fresh Starts and Do-Overs. We’ll link to that in the show notes and we’ll link to the podcast episode on self coaching and thought work so that I talk about it in the makeover. And I also have a podcast episode where I sort of overview of it too. So if that’s something for everyone who’s listening, if that’s new to you, just listen to the podcast.
And definitely sign up for the Makeover. We’ll link up to the makeover in notes as well. But I love that you just, you noticed that you were going down that road and this is what all for me, all of coaching is about is having awareness. Because most of the time, before I was a coach, I had no awareness.
I did not notice when I was going down that road, I just kept barreling forward, right? in the wrong direction, and now it’s like, oh, I can see what’s gonna happen if I get to the end of that road and I do not want to go to that place and I can change course in the moment. Sometimes the times I’ve had clients come back to me and say, in the middle of the fight, I just dropped in the middle of the thing I just said, oh wait, hold on. That’s right. I love you. Hold on,
Bobbi Marinello:
It’s so crazy. It’s like the hundreds of tools that you give Maggie, and if you apply them, you use them. It really is like, unless one person does not wanna be in the relationship anymore, really, unless that, it just feels like there’s no way that it can’t work.
Because they just make it, the tools make it so much better because like you said, you can stop bites during the fight, you can just say, no, I’m actually not here for this anymore.
Maggie Reyes:
That’s super fun by the way, because it really, like the other person just is like, what? Usually it catches them totally off guard and they’re like, well, what do you mean?
But, I’ve done this where I’ve been in the middle of something really like riled up and I’m like, actually I think you’re right. And then the person is like, you know, trying to barrel forward like, wait, what? You said I was right? Like, yeah. I actually agree with you. Like, hold on. It’s like, it usually we start laughing , that’s a side effect and it just changes the whole energy of the whole thing when we’re able to do that.
Bobbi Marinello:
I’ve seen my partner do that where we’re fighting and then I say something, he is like, well, you might be right about that. You might be right.
Maggie Reyes:
Let’s slow down. Let’s enjoy my rightness. Tell me more.
And now you’re just having a different conversation about the whole thing.
Okay. If you had one thing that you would just want everyone listening to know about anything, which one thing, one thought you would leave them with
Bobbi Marinello:
Don’t wait. Do the Marriage Mindset Makeover.
Do not wait to sign up for it. Just first of all, it’s gonna help and it definitely can’t hurt, and it will bring you so much clarity on your own thought process, your own behaviors, your own way of interpreting your relationship, and then you can see how you can improve it on your own.
Maggie Reyes:
I love that so much.
Thank you. Thank you for coming to the show with such a beautiful open heart to share your story. I find it so deeply inspiring, like I’m inspired by you and I’m so grateful to just have you in my world. Thank you to everyone for listening. We just, we just wanna see more people love each other.
Bobbi Marinello:
Spread the love .
Maggie Reyes:
Spread the love. Bye everyone. Hey, this is the best part. If you love the podcast and you know you’re ready for more, get on the early access list for a Marriage MBA. Right now, the Marriage Mindset Breakthrough Activator is my six month marriage breakthrough program where I will guide you through the most coaching tools and relationship building processes, and you will take what you learn and apply it at home every week. We will activate your ability to create more connection and love no matter what is happening in your relationship right now, so you can move forward with more power, more love, and more confidence every day.
Go to Maggiereyes.com/group to sign up.