Hello, everyone and welcome, today’s episode is going to light you up I just know it. One of the concepts that has helped my clients the most out of everything I teach is called emotional weight loss. And it’s super simple. It’s no complaining, no defending, which is like the no flour and no sugar of marriage. And my client Jewelle reminded me on her episode on the millennial five-star marriage, that we tweaked it during our private coaching time together. And it was so effective. It was a real game changer for her. So I want to share more about that today. And today I am calling that advanced emotional weight loss, which is also super simple, but not always easy. And it’s this; no convincing, no pretending. So emotional weight loss, no complaining, no defending. Advanced emotional weight loss, no convincing, no pretending. So we’re going to dive into what that means, how to apply it.
I’m going to give you the whole scoop, with lots of examples in just a moment, but first I have some things to share. So you might not be aware of this, but I used to be a blogger and I have written over 150 articles on marriage. And I have written so many listicles, you know, those posts that are three ways to do this or five ways to stop doing that. I feel like it’s part of my cellular body now that when I make lists, I number everything. It’s a little weird, but so cool at the same time. So when I was writing up my notes for the episode, I’m like, number one, number two. So here we go, number one. I just found out that the podcast is number 55 in the United Kingdom, and they want to say, thank you to everyone in the UK who’s listening to this podcast.
I love my listeners all over the world. It just warms my heart, this Cuban girl in Miami podcasting for the world. I just can’t even tell you what it means to me to have listeners everywhere. I spoke to a beautiful listener from Australia last week and it just made my heart so happy to know that marriages are healing all over the world. And that brings us to number two, which is we are having some fun on Instagram. I’m doing a podcast giveaway where, wherever you’re listening to this in the US in the UK, anywhere on earth, hello to everyone. I would love for you to share your favorite episode on Instagram and tag me @themaggiereyes. Tag me and tell me what city, what country you’re in, because I think that’s so fun.
You can take a screen cap of your favorite episode post that, or you can leave a review on iTunes or wherever you love to listen to the podcast, take a screen cap of your review, post it on Instagram, share it in your stories. Remember to tag me @themaggiereyes, and I will do a drawing and a giveaway. And the giveaway is a half hour laser coaching session to one lucky loving listener of the podcast. The giveaway expires October 31st of 2020. If you are listening to this another time, I would love to hear your favorite episode. Just feel free to post it and tag me, but know that the giveaway has ended. So right now in the present as I record this tag away. Okay? Number three, super important. The marriage mindset breakthrough activator program, which I am lovingly calling Marriage MBA is open for enrollment.
We will be open for enrollment until October 30th of 2020. If you’re listening to this episode, the week it was released, this is your loving invitation to apply now. It is a six month group program. We will meet on zoom. I will teach you and coach you. And we will have a private group on Facebook for celebrations and support in between sessions. And it’s really basically the things I teach on this podcast brought to life, applied to your life. Plus some things I don’t teach on the podcast that we will apply to your life into your marriage. So here’s what I want you to do. Think about whatever problem is concerning you, annoying you the most in your marriage right now. Think about how long it’s been affecting you. Just think on that for a moment and imagine resolving it in the next six months with my guidance and mentorship and a group of likeminded women, all committed to making their marriages stronger together.
The whole reason I’m calling it a breakthrough activator is that my highest intention for the program is to help you activate breakthroughs in your relationship. Yes, it for sure will be challenging. And yes, you will try new things. And some of them will feel amazing and some of them will feel hard, but you know, I always tell you all choose your heart. There’s the hard that gets harder. And there’s the hard that helps everything get easier. My favorite kind of heard is the hard that once I go through it, I’m more powerful and more loving and more centered on the other side of it. So if that’s your kind of hard, then I invite you to apply now,. Here’s how you apply. You go to maggiereyes.com/group. You will see the program details. You will see a link to book your enrollment consultation with me, and I want to make sure it’s a great fit.
So I want to talk to you. I want to know what your goals are. I want to know what’s in the way so I can coach you up once you’re inside the program, admission is by application only. So if you’re thinking you want to do it apply now, because once all the spots are filled, we’re closing enrollment. Go to maggiereyes.com/group to submit your application. Definitely do that today. Okay. Let’s dive into advanced emotional weight loss. Here is the behind the scenes of how I develop my coaching tools. I either use them on me to help myself solve a problem or create a result that I want to create, or I develop them as I work with my clients. And I see what comes up for that. So we recently did an episode, as I mentioned in the intro call the millennial five star marriage with my client Jewellle.
And we will link to that in the show notes. And she shared her favorite tools that helped her really make her marriage thrive. And one of the things we worked on was arguing less and minimizing the intensity of arguments when they happened. She talks about that in the episode. And one of the things that helped eliminate so many arguments for her was releasing the need to convince her husband of anything, any time ever. So think about it this way. You want one thing, your honey, once another thing, if this kicks you into a spiral of trying to convince your honey to do or be or have the other thing, just stop that. Just want what you want, let your honey want whatever your honey wants and just see what happens. Just test the effect of removing convincing from your data day life, and then see where that leads you.
If you feel super attached to an outcome or a decision or anything like that, where you want it to go a particular way, all we want to do is just question that attachment. We want to get super curious about why it feels so important and why it could be worth sacrificing your relationship over. Like how important is it? Now to be clear, this does not mean compromise your core values or turn yourself into someone you are not. What this means is especially if you’re a frequent fighter, if you fight a lot, we want to check in for the root cause of the fight. So what Jewelle so beautifully shared in her interview was once she realized that she just automatically went to convincing mode and she released the reins and stopped going into convincing mode, she basically eliminated half of the things that they were fighting about. So in her specific situation, removing convincing, made everything else easier. So here’s what I want you to do. Take a moment now, check in. Do you feel like you dip into convincing energy often, rarely like think about once a week, once a month, once a quarter, once a year, right? If we’re convincing someone once a year of something, we say let it go and move on. Okay. But if we’re doing it every week or every day or multiple times a day, we just want to check it. Okay.
Play with that this week. Notice when it comes up and just imagine releasing the reins and being curious about whatever it is you would have been arguing about. What is your honeys position? Why does it matter? How important is it? Is it something to come back to later or something that really maybe doesn’t even need to be dealt with at all? So no convincing is literally no convincing. Okay. Get curious, release the reins. See what happens, play with that. Now for no pretending. Here’s what happened when I decided to unite these two things into advanced emotional weight loss. Over the last couple of months, several of my clients, multiple people in completely different situations, don’t know each other, are just completely having different adventures in this beautiful planet of life. They have told me different variations of the same thing to the point where I had to develop a concept around it.
So here’s what happened. My clients would say, I really resent it when my husband does this thing, or he doesn’t do this other thing, right? It’s either something he’s doing or something he’s not doing. Just name your thing here when I give you an example. We all have a thing. And it’s whatever you’re upset that either is not happening or is happening. So think about your own thing and see if this applies to you or not. So they start describing the situation and then they say, but I haven’t said a word about it to him, so he does not know how upset I am. Listen. People of planet earth, your husband always knows. Whenever you think the thought he doesn’t know, I’m telling you right now, even if he can’t say with words and he might not articulate it the same way that you would, his intuition and your intuition always knows.
And I’m going to tell you the exact thing that I tell my private clients when they tell me, but he doesn’t know. So we can put this to bed forever. Like after today, never again, that kind of forever. So here it is. Imagine that you visit a house and it’s warm and cozy and cute, and it smells amazing. Maybe they’re baking cookies or your favorite meals in the oven. And you can just sink into the sofa and drink tea or your favorite beverage to just relax. And you feel like you never want to leave this place. It is just so warm and delightful. We have all been to a place at some point that just feels like when you walk through the door, the house is giving you a hug, right? It doesn’t even have to be fancy. It just feels like you’re so welcomed there.
So that’s house number one. Okay. House number two, you walk through the door and maybe it’s fancier. It’s more posh, as my British friends would say. And everything in that house is state of the art, but it’s super cold. No seat is comfortable. You want to stand, but you don’t want to sit either. Like you don’t want to stand. You don’t want to sit no matter how kind the hosts may be. You just cannot wait to leave that place. That is house number two. Notice the feeling from house number one that was warm and inviting. And that feeling from house number two, that was cold and felt almost repulsive. Notice that whenever you have been in any of these situations, not a single word had to be spoken for you to feel the repulsion or the attraction. Now imagine that you are that house. You’re either warm and welcoming or cold and rejecting, and you don’t have to say a word.
You can even see the opposite with your words and it wouldn’t matter. Okay? This is what brings me to no pretending. Here’s the thing about pretending it’s really lying. It’s a kind lie. It’s a lie that’s inspired from this loving place where maybe you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or you think it’s better for whatever reason or you’re trying to avoid a conflict. And so you pretend, and the thing is, it’s still a lie. And the thing about lies is, they never get you to thriving. So everything we do on this podcast is five star, right? The goal is five star. We may start out in one star, or two star, but the place we want to eventually arrive at is truly having the best marriage that you can have. So imagine having the best marriage you can have, this is never created from pretending.
So I was telling my hubby about this episode as I was writing up my notes and I told him, you know, pretending is like a motel level situation. It’s the cold showers and scratchy sheets of marriage. And he said, and rough toilet paper. And I started laughing and he started laughing. Of course, I said, that’s going in the podcast. So listen, nobody wants rough toilet paper do not use rough toilet paper and expect to thrive. That is not a five star marriage situation. No pretending. That is the end of pretending as we know it for some of you that are listening today, because once you know you cannot unknow. Okay, so what do you do instead? You know that I’m not going to leave you wondering, I want your marriage to get better and stronger. I want you to have delicious towels and yummy room service.
So here’s what you do. Instead, you actually have two options. The first option is you find the place in your heart where it’s true, whatever it was, you were pretending about, you find the place in your heart where you can love your husband in spite of that thing and where it true without repression or betraying yourself or your values. And one of the things we work on a lot in coaching is acceptance. And I’ll link to that episode too. It kind of goes beyond the scope of what we’re talking about today, but it’s very simple. Can I love a person who does this thing or who doesn’t do this thing? Can I just love them? And you find the place in your heart where you do love them and it is true and there’s no pretending about it. So that’s option one. Option two is you check in with your five star self, your highest and best, most loving, most powerful self.
And you speak your truth without pretending you share what is in your heart about the situation from a place of grounded centered love, and you just share. Okay, option one, you find the place in your heart where it’s true. Option two, you speak your truth into the situation with grounded centered love. Those are your two options. Choose one. That’s it. No convincing, no pretending. Okay, there you have it. That is advanced emotional weight loss. If you haven’t heard the original emotional weight loss episode yet, definitely go back and listen to that one. I love it when we have an after party in the show notes where we link to more resources and episodes for you. So you can really apply everything I’m teaching here to your marriage and just make it more loving and more powerful and more awesome. So we’ll definitely have a bunch of links there for you today. Remember nothing in your life has to be perfect, to be awesome. That is a wrap for today. Tag me on Instagram @themaggiereyes, enter the drawing and go to maggiereyes.com/group to apply to the Marriage MBA program. I will be back next week with more tools and resources to help you make your marriage stronger.