Hello, and welcome, everyone. This is Episode 52 of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast. It’s a very special episode. I’m so excited to be recording it. Today I am sharing 20 life lessons from Oprah. So we’re gonna spend some time with Miss O celebrating Episode 52. And I’m recording this at the beginning of January, but you’re gonna listen to it at the end of January and here’s what I want you to know. We are up to big things here at Maggie Reyes International this year. If you don’t already get my emails, go to maggiereyes.com and sign up for those today, literally pause the podcast go sign up, then come back. We are doing a virtual event in February. The last time I ran it, my own coach challenged me to make it life changing. So I did. And I’m meeting with my assistant tomorrow to iron out all the details. And by the time you listen to this, it will be happening. So you definitely want to get all the news and all the updates so you can sign up and you can participate. It’s going to be amazing. In the spirit of big things, we’re gonna hang out with Oprah on this episode, and I have some fun stories to share. Back in 2013, I wrote my favorite life lessons from over 20 years just kind of weird to think about over 20 years of watching the Oprah show. And I shared them on the blog that I used to write back then. And I know that not all of you love Oprah with the passion and devotion that I do.
But I know that for sure you’re gonna get some really useful eye opening thoughts and ideas from today’s show. And if you do love Oprah, and I’ve followed her for a while, you’re gonna love hearing some of these again, and thinking about how to apply them to your life and your marriage now. So as I go through the lessons that I’m going to share today, listen with the idea of picking one that you’re going to embody that you’re going to choose that you’re going to live with, that you’re really going to implement. So as I go through them a little bit later in the show, definitely look for the one that just makes your heart sing. Or if it scares you a little, that’s a good way to decide like, Ooh, that’s the one I have a little resistance to, you can pick that one too. So as I am prepping for our very special virtual event, and for the next round of may marriage breakthrough program, Marriage MBA, I was thinking about why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who think bigger, and who think differently than you do. So back when I had nothing when I was growing up with a single mom and eating bologna sandwiches, and all I could do was watch Oprah and learn from her from afar. That is what I did. And now the thing that I invest the most in, is in my brain. I could have bought a luxury car twice over for what I invested in coaching over the last couple of years. But a car only depreciates in value. Whereas my brain increases in value, the more that I learned how to manage it, how to think more powerfully, more lovingly and more clearly. And that’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about coaching because of its effect in my own life, the effect that I see in my clients and my students lives. So I think that as a life coach, one of the things that I do is help my clients think bigger, better, deeper, maybe differently than they were before.
And that means I’m always challenging myself to think bigger, better, deeper and differently than I have before. And I like to surround myself with mentors and teachers and coaches who helped me think outside of my current circumstances, right. So that is something that I do to this day. And for as long as I can remember, Oprah has helped me do that. She was a true role model for me when I was growing up. And years ago, when I wrote my first list of Oprah-isms, I had not met her and it’s kind of a mind trip to look back now and realize when I talk about her I actually met her a few years ago at the life you want weekend, when she did that tour. And that is an amazing story of how that happened, which I will definitely share on another episode. We’re not going to talk about it today. So I will leave you a little bit of suspense. But I’ll definitely be sharing that story in another episode soon. That was a few years back. But today I do want to share about 2019. So before COVID happened back in January of 2019 Oprah did another tour, and I took my hubby to see her live. And when I was writing up my notes for today about my favorite 20 lessons from over the years, I found some really fabulous little golden nuggets from the notes that I took at that event and I want to share some of them with you now. So the guest speaker at that event that I went to was Lady Gaga. And she was talking about her own mental health journey, and how she now has a whole team supporting her. And it was really fabulous to hear someone so powerful, be so vulnerable, and share the emotional and physical pain that she has gone through in her life. And not just survived, but obviously thrives and is one of the biggest, you know, stars and talents in the world. And sometimes when clients hire me as their coach or join one of my programs, they’re excited, and some things are a little embarrassed. And here’s what I tell them. Go watch Lady Gaga, talk to Oprah about her therapist and her doctors and how she has a whole team for her mental health, just like we have whole teams for our physical health. Right?
One of my very favorite favorite things that she said during that interview was be the one who tells the truth first. I love that so much. And that can feel so hard sometimes, right? You pay a price for being the one who tells the truth first. But finding the truth and telling it is what helps you become unstoppable in your life. Sometimes it takes a minute to clear the clutter, to remove the stories we make up about what’s happening, to find the center to find the facts that are useful and use them to get closer in your marriage or become more powerful in your work in the world. But seeking the truth is just always a good idea. It will always make you stronger, and being the one who tells the truth, first. Just take that into your heart this week and see where that leads you. I thought that was so powerful. When she said it. Another thing that she talked about in great detail, and I will link to the YouTube video for the interview with Lady Gaga and Oprah it was just so deep and really beautiful and vulnerable. I’m pretty sure it’s on Oprah’s channel, so I will link to it. But if you listen to this episode sometime after 2021, and that link doesn’t work, please write to Oprah and not to me, okay, take it all the way to the top. So as I was saying, the other thing that Lady Gaga mentioned is that she had trouble getting diagnosed, and it wasn’t easy to figure out what was wrong with her. And then it wasn’t easy to get help for her situation. And she kind of talks about the journey that she went through with that. And now she has the right combination of help. And it’s really helping her thrive in a way that she wasn’t before. And one of her core core messages was to keep trying things until you figure out the right combination of things that work for you. And I see that so much in both my private coaching and my group program. Now, some of my clients group therapy along with coaching, others have worked with psychiatrists and on medication. Some of my clients have tried a variety of things, whether it’s workshops, or retreats, or different things that they’ve experimented with. And then they’ve come to me and my work with them either complemented what they’d already done, or it was the thing that finally worked for them.
So keep trying until you find the right combination of things that work for you. And if it takes a team, it takes a team. That’s awesome and beautiful. Remember, even Lady Gaga had to do that. For some reason, I find that so comforting. When I think about someone who’s a superstar like her, and I just remember that we’re all human, no matter what our brains have glitches, we have thought patterns that sometimes are not helpful. We have both emotional and physiological things that sometimes we just need help with. And it was just really beautiful to hear Lady Gaga talking about that. So I will link to her interview with Oprah in the show notes for this episode. And Oprah also had Mindy Grossman, who is the CEO of Weight Watchers on the stage with her. And Mindy said something so good. These were my two favorite sentences that Mindy said, I pulled out my phone and I wrote them down to get them exactly down. Here’s what she said. She said, You never waste a good crisis, you learn from it. And wow, are we in the middle of a good crisis right now? I don’t know if I would call it good. But for sure, I would call it a crisis. So let’s not wasted Let’s learn everything we can from it, even if what we learn is to slow down or to count our blessings or to take stock or to ask for help. Or to ask ourselves if this is the life we wouldn’t be living, right. Never waste a good crisis. Learn from it. Thank you, Mindy. That was so good. Okay. Another thing that was great from seeing Oprah live was I had this thought, Oprah is still Oprah. Everything I loved about her growing up is still part of who she is now. Even though I don’t spend an hour with her almost every day of the week like I used to. Here is what I wrote on my phone when I had that realization because I was thinking about the podcast. I was thinking about all of you and what I would say when I share about that event, and I wrote, Oprah is still Oprah. And the love in your marriage is still there.
For so many of you it is still there, you just have to connect with it. If it was ever there, it is there now. Go and look for it, keep looking for it until you find it. So those were a little thought moment that I had when I was watching that. And that was a little impromptu recap of the Florida stop of Oprah’s 2020. It was called Oprah’s 2020 Vision, Your Life in Focus Tour, that was the official name of the tour. And if you look up that name, she had a bunch of other stops and did some great interviews with some amazing people. The one that I saw with Lady Gaga was absolutely phenomenal. And now I’m going to share the 20 lessons that are some of my favorites, that really have stood the test of time in my life that are still principles that I use to make decisions and think through things as I do things in my life today. And I also wanted to share them because for those of you thinking about working with me in one of my coaching programs, I just think it’s so useful for you to know how I think and why I think that way and why I take the approaches that I take when I’m coaching and mentoring you. So I’ve shared about some of my other teachers, I did a couple of episodes called relationship mastery on some of my favorite episodes from the Life Coach School, which is where I did my original coach training. And you know, I love to quote my different mentors and trainings that I’ve done. And this is one of those things where I grew up with these ideas. So they’re definitely part of my thinking process. And I want to share that with you as well. And it’s really amazing to think but there is a really a direct link from this podcast, to miss Oprah Winfrey.
Many years ago, she did an episode on vision boards, which I watched very faithfully and with great attention. And after that episode, I googled vision boards. I finished watching the show went to Google, Googled that term. And that experience led me to my very first coach who eventually led me to start my own business and become a coach myself, and the coach training and all of those things that eventually led to this podcast. So when I share something useful on this show, you can definitely take a moment and say thank you, Oprah. Okay, here we go. 20 of my favorite all time favorite Oprah-isms. And one of my favorite quotes is that once a mind is expanded by a new idea, it never goes back to its original dimensions. This is from Oliver Wendell Holmes, once the mind is expanded by a new idea. It never goes back to its original dimensions. And every single thought or concept that I’m about to share these 20 lessons has expanded my mind in some way. And I hope that it expands yours. So, number one, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. People will reveal themselves to you and their words and their actions. And many times we make excuses, or we ignore key pieces of information. People are always telling you who they are. When someone tells you who they are, pay attention. believe them. That is a absolute super important. One of my favorites. All of these are my favorites self. Probably gonna say that a few times in this episode. Okay, number two, sign your own checks. Very practical, very focused. No one will pay the same attention to your finances, as you will sign your own checks, whether it’s $100 or a million dollars or any amount. Just always keep an eye on your money. Okay? You teach people how to treat you. That was from Dr. Phil, but he said it on The Oprah show.
So here he goes number three, you teach people how to treat you, when you accept someone else’s behavior. You’re telling that person that it’s okay to treat you that way. So think about for a moment, let’s just pause. And if there’s anyone where you feel that they’re treating you unfairly or they’re treating you in a way that isn’t the way you want to be treated, take a step back, imagine sort of zooming out of the situation. And just asking yourself in what way am I teaching this person to treat me this way? And how can I tweak or amend or redirect what I’m teaching them to treat me in a different way? That one will take a little bit of thinking so keep that one just sort of in your back pocket. If there’s anyone where you’re thinking that the way they’re treating you just isn’t the way you want to be treated? Take a step back and see where is there a no That may need to be said, where is there a conversation that might need to be had, all those kinds of things. Okay, number four is a classic from Maya Angelou, who I will quote multiple times, because she said some amazing things on The Oprah show. And she said, courage is the best and most important virtue. Without courage, you cannot practice any of the other virtues consistently. And I remember hearing my her that, and it really sort of landed for me like courage is the most important one. And if we think about it, I wouldn’t even say maybe confidence, right? The confidence to do something to ask for something to say something. Somehow I think for me, courage and confidence kind of go together with the way she said it was. Courage is the best and most important virtue. Without courage, you cannot practice any of the other virtues consistently. Okay, number five, this same behavior produces the same results, that’s it. That’s what I’m talking about in your marriage all the time. The same behavior produces the same results, the same thinking produces the same feelings. The same thinking and feelings produces the same actions. You want to change up how you’re experiencing your relationship? We need to help you start thinking differently about it and start feeling differently about it and then produce a different results around it. So I totally agree with Oprah on that one.
Okay, number six, No means no. When a person fails to hear the word, no, it is a problem. And this is the way they set it on The Oprah show. And I remember it was someone talking about safety. Like, I don’t remember the author’s name. I wish I would have written that down. But No means no. Here’s the whole quote. When a person fails to hear the word, no, it is a problem. Always in every context, because a person who fails to hear the word know is trying to control you. It’s an interesting one to think about. No means no. A person who fails to hear the word no is trying to control you. Sometimes I’ve been the person has not heard the word no, right? Sometimes I have been the person who has been trying to control someone else. That’s what came up for me when I was just reading the quote now. It’s a very interesting thing when you take these in and we kind of look in the mirror a little say, Well, how can I do better? Right? How can I do better? How can I here know better? How can I improve? I’ve improved in that over the years, but I’m sure that you still do better. Okay, number seven, do you want to be right? Or would you rather have peace? We all think being right is better. We’re just sort of unconsciously think rightness is somehow goodness. But right is very rarely leads to peace or to love or to connection. Right? So we have a whole podcast episode a fabulous interview with Melissa Parsons, who’s amazing, called releasing the need to be right, we will link that in the show notes. Because it’s such an important thing that I know, so many people in my community just need to sort of hear that message over and over again, in a variety of different ways. Because it’s really something that we struggle with. I have struggled with it. I am much better now, but it’s something that I know, we just need to hear over and over again.
Okay, number eight. Love is a verb. Is there admiration and respect? If there isn’t, then there is no love. Love is not a feeling, it is a behavior. It is how a person acts and how they treat you. That is a classic Oprah quote, I think a lot of things about love, I think it can be a feeling. I think it’s expressed as a behavior. I think all the things we talked about on the podcast is how to make love come alive in a variety of different ways. What we need to remove and what we need to add in order to create a container that’s filled with love and a thriving five star marriage. But I think it’s very interesting to think about love as a verb, and as a behavior that we bring of things we either stop doing, or keep doing or start doing right. Okay, next number nine, when the mother decides the child will follow, this applies to all areas of life. And I added a note that said when you decide everything else falls into place, so it’s kind of when the leader decides, like I don’t have children, right? If you’re a mom, yay. But it’s like whenever you’re in any role, that’s a leadership role. When the leader decides everything else follows and sometimes we’re not sort of named the leader or baptized the leader, or chosen as a leader. Sometimes we just have to lead by deciding first. And then everything else falls into place. Okay. 10 is children are little people with not as much life experience. I think that’s such a beautiful way to think about children. They have their own thoughts and ideas and passions and delights. They just didn’t have as much life experience as we do. Okay, another classic from Maya Angelou for number 11. Say, I love you. And she said it this way. She said, you don’t have to be really well educated to be eloquent. You don’t have to be extremely blessed and talented to be eloquent. There is nothing more eloquent than a wife saying to her husband, I love you. Right? How beautiful is that? This is something that I was thinking back as to how I compile these, I think I watched some kind of recap, show or episode or I’ve read through a bunch of things where they sort of had these and they wrote some of them down and some of them that I just remembered and thought about. So I thought that was beautiful. That’s how she said it. Say I love you. You don’t have to be eloquent or know exactly. The perfect words to say those.
Okay, number 12. through the grace of God, I am not my past. Amen. We are not our past. Our past can inform who we are, it can influence who we are, it’s part of who we are. But we don’t have to stay in our past. One of the things I teach my clients is to make their vision stronger than their history. Right? Sometimes we have so much evidence for disappointment or hurts in a relationship that’s struggling. And the only thing we have is the vision. And if we focus on the vision and not on the history, we can create amazing, amazing things. So through the grace of God I am not my past is a wonderful one to remember. Okay, number 13. With mud on your wings, you cannot fly. So the way I interpret that one is complete your incompletions. What do you need to get let go of? What messiness do you need to clear up? Whatever qualifies as mud in your life. Sometimes it’s emotional mud, right? Sometimes it’s actual physical clutter. with mud on your wings, you cannot fly? What is the mud in your life right now? Just take a minute and think about that. Right? That is what’s holding you back. And it needs to be cleaned and cleared for you to move on. Okay. 14, this is, again, one of my favorites. Right this minute, you have everything you need to make your dreams come true. Right this minute, you have everything that you need to make your dreams come true. What if that was true? I think it could be, what if we just pretended it was and saw what happened. Imagine what that could open up for you. If right this minute, you have everything you need to make your dreams come true.
Okay. Number 15. This is another Maya Angelou one. You did then what you knew how to do. And when you knew better, you did better. And I feel like that one is so filled with compassion and love and self kindness. We sometimes beat ourselves up so hard because we made mistakes or we didn’t show up the way we wanted to or we allowed a behavior that we you know, felt like a self betrayal so many different reasons we beat ourselves up, right? And such a beautiful thought is have. You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better you did better. Right? So beautiful. Number 16. There is no strength where there is no struggle. So sometimes, you know, we’re caught up in the struggle and it’s just frustrating and hard. And it’s just good to take a moment and realize you’re building a muscle of some kind. Sometimes it’s an emotional muscle. Sometimes it’s a physical muscles and sometimes it’s a financial muscle. But there is no strength if there is no struggle. That’s a good one. Okay, 17 one person can make a difference. One person. This, of course, is one of the core things I teach all day every day. One person can change the world and one person can change a marriage. Absolutely, yes. Okay. 18 you can come out of difficult circumstances, one of two ways, bitter or better, and you get to choose which way. That is so good, right? We can either come up bitter, we can come out better. We get to choose which one is going to be. I know that everyone who listens to this podcast, you’re coming up better because you’re here for that right. I love that. Okay, number 19. Live Each day with greater courage, greater intensity and greater kindness. I think if there’s one thing, you know, I definitely took away from 2019 was that idea to live with just greater intensity. What have I not done in my life that I could do right now? How can I be kinder to myself to other people, we’re all in this together, right? Live each day with greater courage, greater intensity and greater kindness. Okay?
Number 20 is a get your pen out. If you haven’t written down one of these already. This is the one to write down. You get in life, what you have the courage to ask for. I literally had this on my wall, I don’t know for like two years, and then I took it down to clean my whiteboard, and I have to put it back up. But one of the things is gonna happen in 2021. I’m gonna put it back up on my wall, you get a lay for you have the courage to ask for. Sometimes you need to ask for a raise, or a date night or help. Take a moment right now and think about what you need to ask for. That you haven’t asked for yet. years ago, when I was still working in HR, I once got a $10,000 bonus. Just because I took the time to write up all the money I had saved the company, which was well over 10,000. But I took the time to write up all the money that I had saved the company through a bunch of projects where I did a bunch of things, instead of hiring outside vendors, I did some really cool things in house. And I decided I have nothing to lose by asking. And I always really believed Oprah when she said that, that you get in life, but you have the courage to ask for. But I really remember when that happened I just became convinced I need to just ask for more things. Right? What else could be possible? And not necessarily material things, but things that matter to me, things that I care about. I just need to ask. So if you remember back to the episode called requests versus demands, you just need to make the request. It’s okay if the person says no, your growth comes from the asking, right?
You get in life that you have the courage to ask for is seriously one of my all time favorites, probably. I implement all of these in different ways. But that is one that I just really live in a very deep way. I mentioned I did a podcast episode recently where I choose a word of the year every year. And a couple years back, I chose the word ask as my word of the year and I thought, What do I need to ask? And I just really sort of built my asking muscle, right. And I keep building it now but it’s something I really focused on for a whole year. So here are my asks for you today. Number one, if you’re not already on my email list, as I mentioned when we started the episode, go get yourself on it right now go to maggiereyes.com to sign up. Join me for the ritual that in February, if you get my emails, you will know all the details and you won’t miss anything. Then my second ask is pick one thing from today’s show and apply it in your own life. Take it in, see where it applies, which was the one that like I said earlier, either scared you a little or excited you a little right. And whether it’s Lady Gaga, as you know, be the first one to tell the truth or my favorite, which is waking up the courage to ask for what you really want. I’m really inviting you and asking you to be bold today and choose one of these and implement it to the best that you can, right? Just the best that you can for today. I hope that you had as much fun as I did spending some time with Oprah’s thoughts and me today. I will be back next week with more guidance and more love and how to make your marriage stronger. And remember, you get a life what you have the courage to ask for.