Maggie
Hello everyone. Welcome. I am so excited to have my good friend who I adore, Danielle Savory, back on the podcast today. We did an episode called Sex and Stressful Times. We will link to that in the show notes because it’s always stressful times. We did it right at the beginning of COVID. And I want everyone to listen to that.
But she is here today. She is one of the most innovative sex Coaches on Earth. She mixes neuroscience and mindfulness with pleasure and sexuality. And I’m going to give you her official intro and we’re going to have the juiciest, most delicious conversation about setting a sex goal. We’re going to make this fun, you’re gonna see at the end of the episode if I’m right or not. I’m gonna be right.
Okay, so here’s the official intro to my friend, Danielle Savory, who I love. She’s a Master Coach helping high achieving women have mind blowing sex lives. She’s the host of the podcast, It’s My Pleasure. We will link to that in the show notes. It’s called It’s My Pleasure. It’s a must listen. You must subscribe.
Danielle’s work is at the intersection of neuroscience and sex. And she focuses on empowering women through better understanding and communicating their desires, which is exactly what we’re going to talk about today. She is known for taking a smart and humorous approach to an often delicate subject. And she lives in Portland, Oregon, with her two kids, her husband and an adorable puppy. Welcome, Danielle.
Danielle Savory
Thank you. Thank you so much. So happy to be here.
Maggie
I’m so excited. So, I have to tell you all behind the scenes, before we recorded this episode, I told her I wanted to do an episode really inspired by an episode on her podcast called Setting a Sex Goal. And she said yes, and so she’s here. And we will link to that episode in the show notes.
Because here’s what happened. Preparing for today, I re-listened to that episode. And first of all, it’s an awesome episode which is why it inspired me so much. And today, we’re gonna sort of talk a little bit from a different angle about some of the things she talks about in that episode so you could absolutely listen to both.
But I’m listening to the episode and the very intro of the episode is when she worked with her first Coach five years ago. And this was back when I did general Life Coaching. And she says her first Coach made her do celebrations on every call and how she would roll her eyes. Hey, listen, y’all when you go listen to this episode, I am that Coach. I got the eye rolls.
Danielle Savory
You got so many eye rolls. I was like, “Stop it Maggie. I don’t want to do this.”
Maggie
Yes. And all of my clients and all my students know we always start with celebrations every call no matter what we’ll be doing. And I just loved hearing that.
Because then the eye rolls were worth it. And now I was just listening to that, you know, years later, right? Danielle has embodied the power of celebrations. She teaches it to her clients. We’re all about that here.
Danielle Savory
Yeah. I was like, is this really necessary? And then I was like, oh, this actually changes everything. And now every single one of my clients gives me the eye rolls. So thank you for passing the eye rolling around.
Maggie
So fun. So I just loved hearing that. And I really think as we talked about setting a sex goal — and a lot of you listening to us may have thriving sex lives and be like, oh, this will be interesting, this will help me. But a lot of you listening to us, I know because you write to me, and I Coach you. You’re both my clients and my community.
A lot of you might not be having as much sex as you want to be having. You might not be enjoying sex as much as you want to enjoy it. I know there’s a whole group of you that wants to want it more. And this for sure will help you no matter where you are in your sex life.
Like this episode, if you’re going from good to great, you know, you’re gonna get something out of today. And if you’re going from, it’s not that good, and I just want to get to good, definitely this will help you. But where we start isn’t in talking about setting the goal. It’s talking about celebrations and why they matter.
And even when we go set a goal, we want to start with what’s working now. So tell us a little bit about how that’s your approach when you’re setting a sex goal and why that matters. Now that you’ve like made it your own (it’s five years later, so you do your own style of celebrations so it’s totally a different thing.) Tell us about that.
Danielle Savory
Well, I think it’s always good when we’re starting to do any, like any goal — sex or not, right? To think about, you know, being able to come from a place of like: not everything is doom and gloom. Because what we’re going for — we’re starting some sort of goal with like: I suck, I’m broken, my marriage is broken, my partnership is broken, my sex is broken, right?
Like you’re already coming at your goal with so much like dumpy kind of energy. And also, like, the whole reason behind the goal is with this idea that I need fixing. And I like to think of any goals is like what inspires me?
Like when I’m thinking about a goal and my business, it’s not like, “Oh, my business is broken. So I’m going to set this goal.” It’s like, “Ooh, wouldn’t it be fun if XYZ,” right? So when we get to a place of like, okay, what are some of the things that are working? Or we’re putting ourselves in this mindset of celebrating ahead of time, then your goal gets to be inspired out of this place of like, “Ooh, what’s next?” Or, “Oh, what’s possible?”
Now, what Maggie said, if you’re at that place where you’re kind of like, blah, and you just want to get to good, that might feel like a stretch, but allow yourself to see that there are certain things that are working right now. And yes, we can want improvement. Yes, we can want to like move forward with our sex life.
Yes, we can want to feel safer in our body, or like, you know, just more in love with our body, more turned on in our bodies, like all of these are wonderful things. But it doesn’t have to come from this recipe of like, this is broken. I am wrong. This sucks so bad. That’s why I want to improve.
Like, this is where we’re at. Okay, like even just getting to a neutral place if celebratory feels really far away. This is great. This is just where we’re at right now. And let’s see where else we can go. Wouldn’t it be fun if…? And when we set a goal from that place, it’s already infused with like being supportive of yourself and really being in love with like, more of your life and where you’re at, versus looking at it as problematic.
Maggie
I love that so much. And I think of celebrations, you know, obviously I think about celebrations a lot because they’ve always mattered to me. And the deeper I go into them, the more like layers I find of how useful they can be.
And one of the things I think about is what do you want to acknowledge yourself for? Like if celebrating like parades, and conga lines feel too far away? Oh, you know what, yesterday, I was kind to myself. I want to acknowledge myself for that. I want to see that I’m capable of doing that in the smallest simplest way, is always useful.
So that’s one, and the other thing is I’ve really thought about this. You don’t really own your accomplishments. This is my hypothesis. You don’t really own your accomplishments until you celebrate them.
Danielle Savory
Hmm, I love that.
Maggie
Yes, that’s like where I landed. It’s like, oh, if we really want ownership over our lives. Right? We want power. We want to feel powerful in our marriages and our sex life and our relationships. How do we get there? You get there by owning our accomplishments.
And one of the methodologies we use to own our accomplishments is to acknowledge ourselves. Especially — listen you all — if you feel underappreciated, or under-acknowledged. Here’s how we start, is we start by appreciating and acknowledging ourselves, and then we cultivate the ability to receive acknowledgement from other people.
Danielle Savory
Yes, exactly. It’s taking responsibility for those achievements, or where we’re at right now in like a really loving way. And that is one place that, you know, I’ve done so much work on, and I continue to not just in my sex life, but in all of these others.
And I think for those of us that identify with being overachievers and high achievers, it’s the one thing that we aren’t typically taught, and we aren’t in practice of doing. And to help kind of get out of that constantly reaching for the next thing, moving on to the next.
It’s like, no, first I need to stay here. And then it, you know, it diminishes that kind of nagging feeling of like, I gotta get the next thing and I got to go to the next level, and I gotta go to the next level. And it never feels enough. That feeling of never enough, is exactly what you’re saying. Because we’re not acknowledging and taking ownership and responsibility for those achievements.
Maggie
And I think another thing when we’re creating a new chapter in our relationship, a new chapter in our sex life, a new chapter in our own interior world and our relationship with ourselves. When we pause to acknowledge and see: how did I create that win, we also become available to creating other wins.
Our resourcefulness muscle gets stronger and stronger because we say, oh, you know what I did at work. You know what I did with my business? Oh, you know what I did with these kids? You know what I did over here? I can take that skill and apply that skill in a new place.
So this idea that we start setting a goal by looking at what’s working first, and if celebrating feels too big just acknowledging, these things, the smallest things sometimes and some big, juicy, delightful things, these things work. Let’s start with that. And then setting the goal is so important.
So tell us about why it’s important to even have a goal because I, one of the reasons that I wanted you to be on and talk about setting a sex goal is when I heard your podcast, I thought, I’ve never heard anyone say this. I’ve never heard someone set a sex goal. But I know about setting a health goal, setting a business goal.
You know, I used to work in HR, we had all kinds of quarterly goals. Like I’m all about the goals. But really setting a sex goal. I was like, wait a minute, what is she saying? The whole world needs to know this! So why is it important to have a sex — a healthy sex life — to think about potentially setting some sex goals for ourselves?
Danielle Savory
Yeah, well, even before I get into that, I think what’s really important for us to see here is like the underlying messages that we’ve been socialized around and also that we’re adopting, which is our sex life just happens to us. Right?
And when we are thinking that our sex life is it should just be easy, right? It should just be fireworks. And of course, it’s like all juicy at the beginning, and then the honeymoon phase. And then obviously, it just like, you know, dwindles with time or age or hormones, or whatever it is, we’re giving all of our power and our responsibility for our sex life away.
It’s just like, oh, it’s just this thing that happens to us, right? And there’s so many other areas when you start to take a look at it, that we don’t do this, you know, that we don’t like — like you said, with health goals, for example, right?
You hear all the time about people setting health goals. And by doing that, they’re taking responsibility in their health. They’re setting the intention. And they’re being very purposeful, that this is something that I really want to thrive in. I want to be a healthy person.
Or maybe you want to have good skincare or you’re doing dental hygiene, even right, like, there are goals like brush your teeth twice a day. This is like a goal. We’ve heard this from our dentist from like day one — floss once a day, brush your teeth once a day, go to the dentist twice a year. Like those are your goals, whether or not you’ve thought of them as goals.
But having these kind of things has you showing up with an intention. It has you being purposeful with it. And the same thing goes on with sex goals. There’s so many clients of mine — and I’m sure you know, the same with Maggie — that come to us and they’re like, all these things I want with my sex life, but there’s no actual like, this is for sure what I want. Like there’s not like a claiming of it.
So much so that it has you putting like pen to paper this is a goal of mine. It’s like, oh, yeah, that would be nice, right? But you don’t see people being like, you know, if they wanted to lose weight or something like, oh, yeah, it would be nice if I, you know, lost some weight or 100 pounds, and then expect it just to happen without thinking it through or having some kind of goal because the goal, then put a plan into action.
And then it puts purposeful intention into it. And then you start thinking about it daily. And then you start doing these little steps that actually bring you closer to the goal. And sex is no different. We again, it’s just coming from that foundational belief that it should just be easy.
And it just happens. And we have no responsibility. But this is an area you create mind blowing orgasmic results from or you just go by default, and you just deal with what you got to deal with. Or usually, it does get worse.
Maggie
And it’s the same with marriages. Right? We had an episode recently called Relationship Inertia. And I will link to that in the show notes. And the basic gist of that episode is like whatever is happening now, unless you act upon it, we’ll have more of that. Right?
So it’s like, whatever is happening in your sex life — if you’re delighted with how it’s going, you don’t need to do anything to move it around, right, to change course. Right? You don’t need to put in a new GPS coordinate.
But if you’re not delighted with what’s happening, then this is a way to create a new path, to create a new emotional destination, physical destination for this is the way I want it to go. I’m going to act upon it so that it goes in a different direction than it’s been going in.
Danielle Savory
Yes, yes. And I would even add to that too. Even if you are delighted, I still like to think of it as like, what else is possible for us? What else is possible for my body, right? Like not even just settling for like, the delight I have is great because that does help us keep growing and so when a lot of people you know, I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with my husband for 18 years.
You know, a lot of people talk about oh, you know, it gets boring or gets this or it’s fine, you know, as time goes on. And it’s like, if you want to keep it being interesting, it doesn’t just happen, right? If you want to keep being delighted sometimes we do actually have to think about things, in a way of a goal to keep it interesting, to keep being curious, to keep coming back and connecting with one another.
Maggie
Yeah, that’s so important. It’s like it’s a complete lie. Let’s say it explicitly, that time makes your marriage or your sex life worse. That is just a myth. Time is a neutral construct. And it’s how we show up during that time — what we’re thinking, and feeling, and doing that creates the result in our relationship. Right?
And so if anything, just thinking about that differently, like it’s not something that happens to me, it’s something that I happen to.
Danielle Savory
Yeah, I create it.
Maggie
I create it. I love that. Okay, so tell us setting us: setting a sex goal. We start with celebrations. What do we do? Tell us all the things.
Danielle Savory
Well, I think you could just start by thinking about like, what are some of the areas I would even be interested in setting a sex goal around? And there’s a lot of different ways that we can go with a sex goal. I want you to really not think that there’s any right or wrong way. Any kind of sex goal is going to have you feeling more pleasure in your body at the end of the day, right? Like any kind.
Maggie
First you might feel some panic and terror, which is alright. But eventually, it’ll help you feel sometimes — and we want to just acknowledge both if you’ve never set a sex goal, if it’s been a while, if it does feel stale for you right now, you might feel anxious to even think about what could my goal be?
We’re gonna give you some really simple examples of some simple goals in just a moment. So if you feel some anxiousness even thinking about this, I’m so glad you’re here. It’s all right. But it will lead to more pleasure and more joy and more delight, and ultimately, more connection, in whatever relationship you’re in, including the relationship with yourself.
Danielle Savory
Mm hmm. So it’s like, I think it’s good to ease like that anxiety and ease all of that, knowing, right? It’s just like, if you set a health goal, it might be kind of uncomfortable at the beginning, changing the way that you eat or changing the way that you move your body. Like, of course, there’s going to be a little of that discomfort. You’ve never done this before.
And like the future you, that future goal, keeping that in mind, like becoming a more turned on person, becoming more connected and juicy in your relationship, becoming more bold and brave and confident and focused and in your body. Like there’s so many benefits.
So it’s like, keep that in mind and know that any of these quote unquote goals or ways that you choose to focus on it and put your intention will lead to that result. The results are always the same.
Maggie
Yes. If you keep going, you will be able to create that result by experimentation, by falling down and getting back up again, just like when we learn how to walk. When you learn how to walk, we assume we will eventually walk, right? Alot of times we start goals, assuming we’re not going to reach them. Yeah, I invite you to set a sex goal, assuming you will reach it even if you fall down 50 times.
Danielle Savory
Exactly. Exactly. So some of the goals to think about. I think frequency is always a thing, right? And again, the reason that I’m bringing up like specific goals for you to think about, it’s not just that this is like the important part, right? I don’t want anybody thinking that like, how many times a week you have sex is what determines whether or not you have a good sex life.
It totally varies with every single individual. It is just a point of focus for you. It’s a point of focus, and why would you want to do that? So if you’re somebody that really struggles to want it, or if you’re saying no a lot, or maybe you’re the higher drive partner, and your partner is — like scheduling or doing something where it’s like, once or twice a week, we’re going to have a sexy time session. Right?
So it could be like a frequency goal. It could be a goal like orgasms. Now, this is an interesting one, because if any of you follow me, or you’re familiar with my work at all. I’m always like, orgasm isn’t the goal, orgasm isn’t the goal, orgasm isn’t the goal. Right?
But you could still set a goal that orgasm — I want to have an orgasm once a week, right? Now, the caveat here is to think okay, that’s my goal, but to be able to get to that goal, and the way that you get to the goal is going to be your focus of work, right?
So it’s not just like getting that orgasm and checking it off. It’s like that juicy connection, that way — that what it requires from you as a woman, what it requires from you and your partner so that you can orgasm is really like — it’s like the journey of getting there that makes that goal something more fun and juicy or pleasurable.
Maggie
And you can set the goal to have an orgasm once a week. And then you can not have it once a week. It can end up that you have it two or three times a month. But the fact that you set the goal, now you’re thinking about sex, you’re thinking maybe about self-pleasure, you’re thinking about connection, you’re thinking about setting dates, and scheduling time together, all of these other things that arise because you set that goal.
And I’ve — I certainly Coach on this all the time, too. And I have my clients schedule, as I know that you do as well, schedule sexy times and sexy dates. And overtime, you see that like not every sexy date becomes a sexy date. Right? Things happen. And it’s like, yeah, but because we scheduled it, now we’re talking about it. Now we’re engaging each other.
Then, paradoxically, some of that spontaneity that many of you crave happens more often, because you’re talking about it and scheduling it, it opens the door to some more spontaneous connection as well.
So it’s like when you think about setting this goal, or a goal that’s related to sex, really, just with gentleness, with gentleness, and like really, with the lightest, loving touch something that feels like expansive and delicious is a good goal. And what are all the things that arise because you set that goal?
Danielle Savory
Exactly, exactly. And, you know, and just to add on to that, right, it’s like when you think about other goals, right? Like, maybe you have like a really long term goal of making a certain amount of money in your business or losing like a lot of pounds, right?
You don’t actually reach that goal until you reach that goal. So having an orgasm every week. Like Maggie said, you might not a lot of weeks, but it’s just like that intention that this is something that’s at the forefront of my mind, that I’m going to be orienting my day and planning my day and my time, and maybe the way that I spend my off time with like Mind Body Practices, or being in my body, like all of these things that you’re doing. Now, because you have set this like intention up in your life.
Maggie
I love it. It’s so good. One that I thought about was what is your sexual relationship with yourself? And then with your partner? So it’s like, if I was gonna set a goal, like, oh, what do I want — what is what — first of all, this is a question I ask a lot. What are your current thoughts about sex? And what would you like your thoughts about sex to be?
So your goal, if you’re just like, oh, my gosh, ladies, I’m nowhere near any of that. Your goal can just be simply to spend a few minutes, either a day or a week, just thinking about sex. That’s it. That could be your goal. You could subscribe to It’s My Pleasure, which is Danielle’s fabulous podcast, and you could just listen to that. That could be a goal.
I’m just gonna start connecting with my sexual self. That’s it. And then what does that look like? And what would it be like if I was connected with my sexual self? What does she want? And what does she like? And just really being with her, right?
Sometimes our partners want to please us, and we don’t even know. And sometimes we feel frustrated, because we’re not, quote unquote, being pleased to the way we would like, but I often invite my clients to really slow down because we need to figure out what that is.
Danielle Savory
Yeah. And that takes some time and some work on our part without our partners. Exactly. Exactly. And I even thought about, you know, some other ones, like, especially when it comes to our sexual self, you know, it might be being able to be naked in front of a mirror on your own, or have sex with the lights on, or do a fun chair dance for your partner, which might seem like so scary and like, out of the thing.
You know, it might be speaking up. You know, speaking up and asking for what you want. Trying something new. You know, there’s so many different types of like, things that it might be a goal for you. It might be like, I want to initiate, you know, I want to initiate a certain amount of time.
So it’s like don’t we don’t have to limit ourselves, but I know sometimes when it comes to sex goals, it’s like what is there outside of how many times? And you know, it could be like, if you’re used to using a vibrator a lot, it could be having an orgasm or having sex without a vibrator.
You know, there’s so many like different — and that was one for me. I really enjoyed that goal for myself. And it was, you know, it was self pleasure without a vibrator and like the level that I wanted to get to without using a vibrator at all. And it was just like, I’m not gonna use one again until I learn my body and how I want to like be in my body.
So there’s like so many different ones. So just think about like, what feels juicy, what feels fun, what feels like a little bit of a stretch, what would actually allow me to have like, during my week, I would actually have to think of my week differently if this was my goal?
Maggie
And it could even be having a conversation about sex with your partner. That can be another sex goal. It’s like, “Oh, this week, we’re just going to have a conversation about what they like.” Wow, well, maybe what’s something we haven’t done in a while that we should bring back or something that they want to try? Or that I want to try? Right? Something that simple can be really, really useful.
Danielle Savory
Oh, this is a fun one. I just thought when you said that is saying no, or stopping sex when it doesn’t feel good.
Maggie
Oh, yes. Telling the truth.
Danielle Savory
Telling the truth. Like this is a really, really hard one for a lot of women, especially in long term partnerships more than new partnerships, is you get into the pattern or get into the habit and maybe your things are going along and you’re really trying to get into your body. And it’s just not.
It’s just not clicking for whatever reason, and being okay with stopping or being okay with saying, no, but actually, you know, giving yourself the chance to pause to get like — I have my clients go through this whole process to like, really see if it’s a no or if it’s a habitual no, right?
But then like giving yourself permission to say no, or give yourself permission to like, make out with your husband, and then be done there. Rather than following through with the assumption that it’s always going to end with like penis and vagina sort of situation.
Maggie
And we talk a lot, I say this a lot in the podcast, I talk a lot about women married to men, because I work with a lot of women married men, but this could be with your wife as well, if you’re married to a woman and the psychology is the same.
And one thing I want to say about that — I actually Coach on this quite a lot. When we want to create a new chapter in our sex life, very often, there will be a conversation that I don’t think it’s required, but I always strongly recommend it. And it’s this: it’s talking to our partners and saying, I want to be more available for sex. And in order to be more available for sex, we’re going to we’re going to experiment with some things that I might like, and I might not like, and you might like, and you may not like.
So I have to be able to say no, at any point, no matter how far we’ve gotten into the process, in order to say yes more often. Right? And that just want to plant that seed. Right? That that is a conversation that could be part of your sex goal is preparing for that conversation, you know, that kind of thing. But I want to also say that it’s very useful to do that when you’re not in the middle of a sexual connection.
Danielle Savory
Yes. I say that all the time with my clients. We need to have these conversations outside because there can be a lot of heightened emotions in the vulnerability of like, intimate sexy time.
Maggie
Yes. So that might be oh, I want to discover my sexual self. One goal could be what are all the conversations I need to have about that? There could be a conversation about what we want to try, there could be a conversation about frequency, and there could be a conversation about letting no be okay.
Now, in my completely unscientific experience, which is just the case studies of my own clients, I’ve never had a partner not be open to having more and better sex. So, and this is a completely unscientific example.
But I want to tell you, if you think that conversation is impossible, or that you can possibly have that conversation with someone, I do want to say, there are many humans on this planet earth that after, you know, preparing for it and thinking about it thoughtfully and lovingly with their partners, their partners, you’re like, oh, yeah, we get to have more sex? If sometimes you say no, and we’re gonna try more things than we’ve ever tried before, so you figure out what you like.
They’re like, I could be available for that. Right? So I just want to be, you know, we talked about in Coaching being example of what’s possible, I want that to really be an example of what’s possible that we do help our clients through this on a regular basis and our clients do get through it on a regular basis. It is something that you can do. Okay, what else? What’s next?
Danielle Savory
Oh, well, I think those were the main ones. I mean, we talked a lot just about falling more in love with your body, not seeing this as a chore.
Maggie
Oh, let’s pause there, actually. Sometimes sex can feel like another thing on your to do list, especially if you’re a lower drive partner and you’re partnered with someone who has a higher drive, right? It can very much feel like that. And it doesn’t have to feel like that. We want to investigate why it feels like that. Right? And I know that you and I come at it from like these different angles, but we get to the same places.
Danielle Savory
Yeah. But I think it’s like setting that as a goal. Right? You know, it’s like, I want to want it is an amazing goal. Right? Just that in and of itself. Like, I really don’t want it to feel like a chore. I want to want it and not just when we’re on a romantic getaway vacation.
You know, I work with a lot of mamas. And it’s like when you’re having the groping, grabbing, especially if your kids are younger, or even if they’re not, even if they’re older. And it’s just that constant like, you know, communication and talking and all of that.
And if you’re a business owner, there’s so much like we’re giving, giving, giving, giving and then when your partner asks, it’s like, okay, one more thing I have to do. So helping just change like I think that’s such a yummy goal is like: I don’t want this to be a have to, I don’t want it to be a checkoff, I don’t want it to be something I feel obligated to, or that it’s like just for them.
It’s for me and I actually want it is such a fun goal and the way you get there’s like so many different ways, like Maggie said, like that’s what we work with our clients on all the time. But setting that goal and then you don’t even have to understand the how right now but just knowing that’s what you want is a huge, like, big claim out there to the universe. Like I’m ready for this. I’m ready for this to stop feeling like one more thing.
Maggie
Love it. Love it. So good. Okay, so we have set a simple goal that doesn’t feel overwhelming. So everyone think about what your goal might be. Just tell yourself in your brain. If you want to have like even more fun, you can go to Instagram. What’s your Instagram Danielle?
Danielle Savory
@Danielle.savory.
Maggie
@Danielle.savory. So you can go to @Danielle.savory or @themaggiereyes. And you can tell us: I set a sex goal? That would be fun. We’ll cheer you on.
Danielle Savory
Yeah, totally, totally. And then. And then I would love to just share with you all like how to actually be successful at these. Like after you’ve chosen them, after you’ve decided them — whatever it may be, maybe it’s not having it be a chore. Maybe it’s having an orgasm once a week. Maybe it’s having five conversations with your partner.
Like some of the ideas that Maggie and I said about sex might be just thinking about it, whatever it is, decide what that is. Write it down. Claim it right now. Put it down. Now, these are the ways you could actually be successful with following through with them. I know there’s a lot of stuff out there, we always hear about, you know, sex goals or not sex goals, but goals in general and how to follow through.
And I think it’s helpful for us to be like, when you set a goal, like Maggie said, you might feel that anxiety at first, especially when it’s around sex, because it tends to be a little bit more vulnerable for us and it can bring up some nerves and a little bit of fear. So understand that’s part of it. You also might be really excited.
And in order to get to that goal, we really need to understand that the brain is going to get kind of like this surge of energy, right when you set that goal. So right now, when you decide what it is, and you put it on paper, you’re going to get that surge of energy. And then there’s this whole other journey of actually getting the goal, right?
Maggie
Yes. And staying engaged.
Danielle Savory
And staying engaged with it because that dopamine hit — like the brain loves to set a new goal because it’s like, ooh, something new and fun and shiny. And then when you actually get in the weeds of it, it’s like, do we really need to do this anymore? I’m pretty sure I’m okay.
So just understand that how the brain is going to work. And these five things are really going to help you through, especially that hump where you don’t feel as jazzed about your goal anymore. So number one, have a light hearted approach.
Maggie
We are all about that on The Marriage Life Coach Podcast. We are all about that. Light hearted approach. Yes.
Danielle Savory
Like be fun and playful. Like I think that sex — like we make it this really heavy topic. And it can be really serious. And it’s so hard to talk about, especially if it’s been this area of like, not really meeting your partner, you know, head to head on things.
But when we bring a funness to it again, when we bring a playfulness to it again, when you think about like the beginning of a relationship where it’s for flirty and fun and playful. Like we are talking about sex like fun pleasure and flirtiness and deliciousness and yumminess and even if that hasn’t been your relationship to sex in the past, allow yourself to have fun with this.
Maggie
Yes, give yourself permission. Yes. What would it be like if I could have fun with this, right? It’s a great place to pick your brain. And I have a podcast episode on flirting and fun. We’ll link to it in the show notes because I forgot what it’s called. Usually I know all the titles, but sometimes if thinking about sex playfully, feels like too far of a stretch. If you’re there, go there.
But if it feels like too far of a stretch, think just about flirting. Of lighthearted communication with yourself and with your partner. Just think about that. That will like always — the smallest step you can take in the direction you want to go is the best step to take in the direction you want to go. Because then you’re going in the direction you want to go. You don’t have to do the most difficult thing first. Sometimes it’s helpful. But sometimes, and I talked about on the podcast, also quite a bit. Sometimes the easiest thing is the best thing to do first, because it gets you engaged. It gets you in motion. It keeps you going.
Danielle Savory
Yeah, even, I mean, this just came to me when you were saying this about like, even if it feels like total stretch. Like I have two young children. And like we giggle about body parts all the time, like just this morning.
You know, like in the bathtub, my daughter was asking these very, like curious questions about penises and balls, and like we’re just talking and it was just light hearted. And we’re giggling. Because when you also allow a little bit of that, like innocence come in, where we don’t have to put all these labels and heaviness on it. It’s like, we’re talking about body parts. It’s kind of silly. It’s kind of fun. Like, let’s just go there at least.
Maggie
I love it. That’s so good. Bring a light hearted approach. Love it.
Danielle Savory
Yep. Approach. Okay, and then number two, being willing to “fail.” And I’m putting those in air quotes and redefine success. So this is really, really important, especially when we’re talking about our sex life. Any goals, but really, with our sex life.
Because in our head, the way we’ve been socialized, the way media portrays is a lot of times with sex, it’s like, failure means something so big to us. Right? Like it, let’s say one of your goals was this conversation, and it doesn’t go how you want it, or your partner doesn’t receive it, or, you know, it ends up being this big fight.
You could be like, see, I knew this was a waste of time, we never should have done this, like, I’m never gonna get anywhere talking with this. And it’s like, when we really kind of harp on ourselves, or if we’re trying to go for orgasm, and we don’t even get turned on.
And then we make it mean our body is broken, or that we’re never gonna get there. Or maybe our marriage, like I have a client, she was like, my biggest thought is like, anytime we don’t have that arousal, or that connection, like, this just isn’t the relationship. Like we should probably — we’re gonna end in doom and divorce if we can’t figure this out, right?
So when it comes to sex, what we make failure mean, are these very big things, really, really big things. So I encourage you at these goals to really help yourself redefine success, whether or not you reach the goal, but helping think of like, I’m going to be so proud of myself if I continue to love myself through this conversation, if I create safety with my body, and I really listen to what my partner is going to say.
So it could be a horrible, quote, unquote, horrible conversation that ends and all of this stuff, but you can still feel successful because of the way you showed up. Right?
Maggie
Absolutely. Yeah. And that’s something we talk about a lot, which is, no one thing that happens in your relationship is a verdict on the whole relationship. But a lot of us do that. One thing goes wrong or doesn’t go as expected, or we have a series of things over time. And then we make — it’s like, this is how I like to describe it.
It’s like taking circumstantial evidence that all these things that are pieces of evidence have occurred, but they do not equal that, that person is guilty, right? They do not equal, that you are unable to find your way with pleasure. They do not equal that you are unable to find the best relationship you can have with your partner, right?
And my philosophy is we want to find what’s the best relationship we can have with our partners, and then we want to decide if that’s what we want. Many times it is. Sometimes it isn’t. But we don’t use circumstantial evidence to make that case. We really come at it played with playfulness, like a detective like a scientist.
It’s like, ooh what happens when I put this together with that? That was an interesting combination. What happens when I do this? What happens when I take this away, right? Really engaging with playfulness around the failure, right? That playfulness that we said was step one, we bring in even to like the thing that didn’t go as planned, which we’re labeling failure, but we’re gonna say…
There’s — it’s like a paradox, right? We want to be more elastic around our relationship and feeling like I can fail, and it’s okay. Just call it failure. But we also want to question like, is that actually failure? Or did I discover something really important I needed to know. Both of those things are true. We want to hold that duality, right?
Danielle Savory
Yeah, it’s that growth mindset, right? That we’re constantly learning. It’s not really failure. It’s either success, you’ve got like the orgasm that you wanted, or it’s learning. And even — who’s to say that you did get the thing that you wanted? You still want to learn from it so that you can have it again. And keep repeating it and growing on that.
So it’s really this like — success is all like, can I be non judgmental here? Can I take a look at things mindfully and keeping them succinct to this one situation? Can I learn from this? What can I learn from it? How can I be curious? How can I support myself going forward the next time. That is going to totally support you on this.
So number three, have your own back. I mean, I know we all say this a lot. But this is really, really, really important, especially when it comes to pleasure goals, which hopefully there’s some pleasure in this expo of yours.
And the reason is, is if you don’t have your own back, what you’re doing is you’re really attacking yourself, right? You’re not supporting yourself, you’re not being on your own side, and you’re rejecting a part of you. You’re saying she didn’t do the things, she’s not good enough, what’s wrong with you?
And we’re talking about being in our body, when we’re talking about sex, we really need to be on our own side, because your nervous system will not be in the right place. That pleasure and connection that you’re wanting is even accessible.
So always have your own back, love yourself through it, have understanding with yourself, but especially when it comes to pleasure and sex, learning how to change that narrative with more kindness and infused with love, and infused with support and acceptance is only going to get you closer to your goal in the end.
Maggie
Yeah, I love that. I think it’s so important. I talk about gentleness a lot. Being gentle with yourself. How, you know, sometimes we’ll have a Coaching call and we can cover something that’s really tender. And I’ll say your only homework is gentleness.
If you were extremely kind to yourself today, what would you do? If you were extremely loving with yourself today, what would be on your schedule? Like, that’s it. That’s the homework. So if you hear a sentence like have your own back and you’re like, well, what the heck do I do? I don’t even know what that means.
Imagine it’s your best friend or someone you deeply love. If hey had a setback or something that challenged them, whatever you would tell them, whatever you would recommend to them. Sometimes it’s easier when we think of someone we love like that. Like, I feel like we’re always the hardest on ourselves. Right?
And like Danielle is one of those people that I imagine oh, if I was telling Danielle, I’d be like, “But of course you’re trying a new thing. Of course it’s gonna be okay. You know, it’s not a problem.” It’s like, oh, can I tell that to myself? Sometimes that feels hard, right?
And that’s why you work with Coaches to help you through that, right? And to have someone that it’s like, if you don’t know how to have your own back, we will have your back. So you see what it’s like to have someone have your back. And then we reproduce that, right?
Danielle Savory
Yes, exactly. And I even have clients tell me still from like years ago, they hear my voice in their head. And I want you to think like even if you access, you know, maybe you access Maggie’s voice or maybe you access my voice.
Like what would Danielle say to me at the end of this? Or what would Maggie say to me at the end of this? So we can flip it around. Like sometimes we could think of like what we would tell our best friends. But also, what would this loving, compassionate like Coach — like, that’s our job, this is what we do — say to me, and understand that even if you’re able to conjure up the words that might be in Maggie’s tone, or in my tone, it’s still you saying it to you.
It’s still this relationship you’re having with yourself, even if you use this kind of hack, by imagining a different person. It’s still your relationship with you that you’re having inside and it will have the same physiological impact on your nervous system.
Maggie
I love it. So good. And the physiological impact on your nervous system is to help you come back to center. To be really clear and explicit, right? It’s like, it helps you come back to the place where it’s easier to get back up again, to the place where it’s easier to just get through the day, and completes the stress cycle.
So I recently had Emily Nagurski on the show, and I’ll link to that in the show notes too. But we talked really in depth about what is it like to complete a stress cycle? And basically, we want our bodies to know it’s safe. And when we hear those comforting, those comforting words coming from our inner self, or you know, our inner wise self, our highest, you know, wisest part of us.
Whether we can access it directly or whether we need to imagine it’s somebody, you know, somebody we love and admire telling us those things, when we can access that, that helps us complete the stress cycle so we can keep going just in the day to day of life. I love that. I think it’s so important. And I think it’s important that we talk about it, too.
Danielle Savory
Yeah, yeah. And especially just supporting yourself on whatever journey and goal and what this intention is to keep coming back to that, because that’s what’s gonna fuel you through. Okay, so number four: expect obstacles.
I think, I mean, it sounds so obvious. But I think that a lot of times, we just don’t, you know, when it comes to sex, just like that foundational belief that this should be easy. That even, you know, I find clients like they say, “Oh, I really want to speak up or ask for this new thing,” and it comes out really wrong.
Or if they say the wrong thing, or they don’t say it right, or, you know, there’s this kind of miscommunication in the bedroom, you know, and then they’re just like, ughh, and they want to quit after that one time. It’s just expecting that things aren’t actually going to go smoothly.
You haven’t done it like this before, you haven’t approached your sex life in this way. It’s not going to be perfect. And that’s okay. So expect obstacles and some of the obstacles that you might like actually be obstacles in the real world, you know, and what are you going to do about them when they happen?
And thinking about how to strategize around obstacles ahead of time. So, like, when I’m working with mothers, and they’re worried like, okay, we’re gonna schedule, then we’re gonna do all of this, like, do you have a game plan if you get interrupted by your kids?
Maggie
Yes. Where will the kids be? Who will be watching them?
Danielle Savory
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, you know, if something doesn’t work, you know, in your conversation, like, what are you going to do? Like, really help yourself think of like these, like worldly type obstacles that could actually come out, as you’re approaching these goals.
But also, mindset obstacles. Like maybe you come across something that you didn’t know was there. How are you going to support yourself and work through that obstacle. So just assume that there’s gonna be obstacles. Nothing’s gone wrong, there isn’t a problem.
But when you just approach it in this non judgmental way, knowing they’re coming up, then how do you want to handle them when they do? And this, of course, is where Coaching comes in so helpful, because you have somebody at the expert level that can really help like, I’m going to get Coached on this when it comes up. This is all — I’ll bring it to group, I will bring it to, you know, the call and I’ll be able to work through it.
Maggie
Yeah, so a couple of things I want to say about that. One, a really fun one is one of my clients was working on having a better sex life. And when we anticipated the obstacles together, she had tweens at the time. So they were self sufficient kids who did not, you know, need her immediate attention.
And her homework for that week was to put a sign on her door. And it was basically: unless the house is burning, if this door is closed, you don’t knock, you turn around, you walk away. And she had a very open door so they can come in anytime unless this door — when this door is closed. Stop. It’s a no. Right?
And it could be something as simple and as playful as that. And she just did a beautiful sign. And she laminated it. And then she had fun. She had the playfulness part with it. Right? And then they use it for a while. And then it was very clear was like the new rule in the home was if that door was closed. Then the sign wasn’t even necessary anymore. Right? So that was a fun one.
And then there is extensive research on anticipating obstacles makes it proportionally much more likely for you to reach the goal. There’s a book called Rethinking Positive Thinking, which the book itself just quotes and explains all the research, so it’s a little bit dry. Like you have to really love this topic to read the book.
I love this topic, so I read the book, but I just want to warn you all because sometimes I recommend books that are super fun, and you’re just gonna have like the best time. This one is really quoting all the research. However, it’s a great book if you love this topic. I just want to be clear.
And so it’s anticipating that obstacle. Taking the moment to think about what could go wrong, what can get in the way. When you think about that, it makes it exponentially more likely that you will reach the goal.
And by the way, writing it down. I know we said we kind of said earlier putting it on paper but we should have said it and then kept going and I want to go back to that because writing it down and then anticipating the opposite goals are two like heavily researched things that will increase your ability to reach any goal, including the sex goals we’re talking about today.
Danielle Savory
Yeah, yeah. And I would say that on a macro and micro level too, right? You might want to anticipate your obstacles for like, the long term and then anticipate obstacles of like, what could come up this week? Or what could come up tonight?
Like, if you schedule sex tonight, like what could come up tonight? And at a very micro level, allowing yourself, you know, to kind of pair it down, like, okay, well, all these things could come up, like, I could be really tired. How are you gonna handle that? I could do that. You know, and they just think about them ahead of time.
Maggie
Yeah, I love this example, that I could be really tired, because what I see so much in my own clients, and in my community is — And in myself, I have been this person. So it’s not just like everybody else But also me. — I have had chapters of my life where I chronically overscheduled myself. And then was not available for a bunch of things that I said I wanted, but I then had no energy to have, right?
And I can see that in my clients right away. And I call it out very easily because I have walked down that road, right? So just the thought of oh, what if I’m really tired? Then it creates: well do I need to leave work early? Do I need to make any special arrangements? Is there a day that’s better than other days? Oh, on this day, I have this meeting that it always ends at whatever time, that’s not the day to schedule that. I should schedule it this other day so it makes it easier. Just engaging with thinking about it makes your path so much more clear.
Danielle Savory
So much more clear. And this goes back to, you know, point number, the last — or two points ago. Number two, right, of like not looking at this as a failure, but a learning opportunity. Because you have this intention of having sex once a week, and you didn’t and you didn’t follow through and you didn’t have it.
Why not? Oh, because I was tired. Okay, why was I tired? And you could just really start to trace it back. And now you’ve taken your quote unquote, failure into like the juiciest, like bed of golden nuggets for you to see what those obstacles that were actually keeping you from pleasurable sex happened.
Maggie
Love it. So good.
Danielle Savory
Yeah. And then the last one is pick one small thing to keep you tethered to your goal every single day. I don’t want this to be overwhelming, like, oh, I have to go and do all of these long drawn out things a day. But like one small thing that reminds you. So it could be looking at your piece of paper that you wrote your goal down on, right? It could be as simple as that.
You know, it could be, you know, just if there’s something that’s going on with your partner, and you’re trying to want to want it more, it’s maybe thinking once a day, why do I want this? Why do I want this today, right? So might be just going over and giving a kiss to your partner or every time you say a kiss goodbye, maybe you’re slipping a little bit tongue in there instead of just a regular kiss.
Like it’s just like really stretching your boundaries a little bit. So one thing every single day, and it doesn’t have to be the same thing, but that keeps your goal on the forefront of your mind.
Maggie
And that could be the goal. Just to get really good about it. Like, what’s the one thing today? Right? What’s my one thing? And everyday you just pick a thing, right? It could be as simple as that. And we really want to bring it to — my philosophy… I learned this from a yoga teacher many years ago, and she was talking to — someone asked her about a yoga studio in some other part of town.
She said, the best yoga studio is the one you go to. And I at the time, I was like, what is she saying? I don’t understand what she’s saying. And now I see the wisdom of that simplicity is like the best tool is the one you use, right?
So any of these five different things that we said — if you just anticipate obstacles, right? If you just choose one thing. Any one of these things that you do on a regular basis, it’s like the best yoga studio is the one you go to.
Danielle Savory
Yep, it’s like the best — I think I’ve heard that with skincare, like the best skincare routine is the one that you do. Right? Like that’s it. If you’re gonna take care of your skin, who cares what you’re doing? But just do something.
Maggie
Exactly, exactly. Yeah, and make it simple. Like I know, we’re going through a time in our history. There’s just a lot going on in the world. And there’s a lot of stressors that we have. And so the simpler that you can make it — and that’s why we focused on really simple things — is what is the simplest version of this that you can implement that will help you feel better as a connection to your sexual self.
And I’ll give you my example which was I did a 600 hour training with Layla Martin. It was very extensive. We had a lot of different things we had to do. Among the things we had to do, there was a whole sort of module on connecting with your sexual self. And I was like, I don’t know, you know, that one thing that I could do throughout the day, what is it?
And it was my underwear. I was wearing this very boring, cotton, very utilitarian, you know, sort of underwear. And I was like, Oh, this isn’t even for my partner. This isn’t even for someone else. This is for me. What would — what’s sexy to me?
Oh, a little, a little things. Maybe a little bow here in there a little. It’s not complicated, either. Yeah, it’s the simplest thing. And I was like, oh, that’s a way that I can connect with my sexual self like every day, in a very — and I don’t have to think about it again. It’s just I bought new underwear. And now that’s what I wear. Very simple. Right?
So how do you make it really simple and meaningful to you? That might not be meaningful to some of you at all, right? To me that was meaningful. And that was a way to connect. To someone else that might be buying a sex toy, right? It might be doing you know, having a post it that says sometimes sex can be fun. Let me remember.
Danielle Savory
For me, it was French kissing my husband every day, right? Like not just like a peck like night, babe, or see you later. But like, an actual pause like good kiss.
Maggie
Yes. Yes.
Danielle Savory
Yeah. And when I only focused on that it was insane. How much more like, like, I thought of him not just as my roommate, but like, my lover again and it woke things up in my own body. And it’s like, it sounds like easy or not this big thing. But it made a big difference every single day that I did that. I could feel a difference in my body and with us.
Maggie
I love it. So good. Okay, there you go. Setting a sex goal. It’s possible.
Danielle Savory
Setting a sex goal. It is. Pleasure is possible, loves.
Maggie
This is how you can do it. Okay. So one of the things I love to do when I have guests on the show is ask a question from The Questions for Couples Journal. And we do have some sexy questions in The Questions for Couples Journal.
So of course, you know, if I have Danielle, the sex Coach on, I’m going to ask you a sex question. So here we go. It is: growing up, what was one belief you had about sex that you no longer have?
Danielle Savory
Well, it’s funny because my brain immediately went to like, what do you mean growing up? Like, when am I grown? When do I get to be considered grown up? Because there’s one thing that I’ve believed for a long time that I’ve let go of.
You know, I think one of the main things and I don’t think I had — I wasn’t clear on it, or it wasn’t clearly articulated for me until, you know, more recent years, like last decade or something — but that sex was really about being desirable. Right? So it was something that it was like, ooh, sex happens, because I’m wanted.
Maggie
As the object of the want.
Danielle Savory
Yes, right. Yes, I am wanted. I have to be like — and then and then that’s a go, right? Like, it didn’t, it didn’t really connect with me, like, oh, well, if I wanted, like, maybe I want them back. Maybe I don’t, but like that was kind of the main thing, especially like younger and in high school and whether or not you’re having like actual sex, right, but like…
Maggie
Yes, the wanting.
Danielle Savory
The wanting, being desirable to boys, you know, and like wanting them to like you or wanting them to think you’re hot or cool or laid back or whatever it is. It was like, that was so much tied up in my sexuality. It was like, I didn’t really have a lot of clarity outside of just the one that being the object of pleasure, or being the one the object of the wanting, or the, you know, of the desire, like so much of my sexual identity and, you know, pleasure and desire was dependent on that.
And that is just not a belief. I mean, of course, as humans, like, it’s lovely to be wanted. We’re not going to take away that human, you know, thing that we like. We like to be wanted. Like that’s a thing. But that’s that my own wants and desires are really the important thing here and getting in touch with those. And so that’s how it’s like gone from here to there overtime.
Maggie
I love that you said that because that’s such a patriarchal mindset. It’s very much evolution that we swim in where we hear about the male gaze, and we see in cultural narratives and media and the examples that we have culturally are women as objects of desire. And then we internalize that.
And then we lose that connection with our own desire. Well, what is my role independent of being wanted or not wanted? What do I want? Right? And it’s such a powerful thing when we notice that we swim in these waters. And some of these thoughts that we have are just internalization of these cultural narratives.
And to separate ourselves from that, it takes some emotional heavy lifting to say, “Hold on. Wait, wait, what is that? And do I want to keep it?” And I’ll tell you, you know, when I asked you this question, I thought, you know, this is gonna be really fun, but it went in a really deep direction.
And when you were talking, I asked myself the question, and I, I’m gonna say what came to me because I think a lot of us have had this. So I’m 47, I grew up at the height of the AIDS epidemic, you know, when I was in my 20s, or in that sort of sexual experimentation phase, whatever. And my thoughts as a younger person was sex is dangerous.
That was my predominant thought about sex was it’s dangerous. I could either die, right? I could get a disease and die. Or I could get pregnant in a moment that it’s not what I want, and it could derail this part of my life that I haven’t lived through yet. And that was a predominant thought that I had, probably for at least a decade. That sex was dangerous, right?
And so if, if anyone out there thinks sex could be dangerous in some way, I want to tell you: what could it be like if you thought it was safe? To enjoy your sexuality. It’s safe to enjoy pleasure. To receive pleasure. Of course, we take precautions, and we think about our partners. And we think about, you know, of course, we’re going to be mindful of the sexual practices we engage in, right?
But it’s such a different experience. And then it requires us to do such internal work, to feel safe in our own bodies, to feel safe in our decisions, to feel like the safer I feel, the more enjoyment I’m able to have. And it’s sort of like this paradox. We think that sex has to be risky to be sexy, which is also another lie, that patriarchal mindset that we have.
But it’s really the safer we are, the more deeply we can enjoy sex. And I just wanted to share that because I suspect a lot of us have had that thought. It might not have been your primary thought like it was mine for everyone listening. But at some point, that’s a thought that I think a lot of us have. And I just want to invite us to question that thought and what else could also be possible for us.
Danielle Savory
Yeah, yeah. It’s interesting, because as you said that, like a million other thoughts came up. Right? And I think that’s the truth for all of us is really is, you know, growing up, there’s so many opinions, and rhetoric and things that we have adopted, these seeds that have been planted, when it comes to our sexual self, when it comes to sex in general, when it’s okay, when it’s not okay, all of the things.
There’s so many things that we’ve learned that we — I think like this is literally like my program, right? Like all of the things that have been downloaded from previous partners, to parents, to religion, to the patriarchy, to society, all of that stuff.
And it really is, like, just being curious and being like, what am I coming into this with? And what am I, you know, ready to let go of, especially if it’s not creating the type of sex life and safety and passion and like, juicy yumminess that I am desiring?
Maggie
Okay, so I love that so much. And I have to mention this. So I, at the end of all the interviews, I always ask a question from The Questions for Couples Journal. But this is such a great example of the deep, rich conversation that we had just as a result of one question.
So one of your sex goals can be to use The Questions for Couples Journal, use the sex questions in there and they’re color coded so you can tell which ones they are. And have these conversations. Find out what your partner — what was the belief they had when they were growing up, that they don’t have now and think about what was your belief that you had when you were growing up that you that you don’t have now? Right?
Or that you still have and you need to work through and that you want your partner to help you work through maybe? Yeah, so I love that so much. Okay. Danielle, tell us how we can follow you, how we can learn more about your — I love your approach to sexual education and sexual thriving because it’s mixing neuroscience and the body and mindfulness and pleasure. And it’s just so aligned with everything that I teach on the podcast. So how can people find you if they want to if they want more?
Danielle Savory
Yes, well, first off, come and follow me on Instagram. So talk about being playful, I get really playful with my like reels and videos. And they’re ridiculous and they’re funny. Because again, it can be such a vulnerable, like touchy iffy subject, and I just want to show us all that we can giggle about it, we can laugh about it, we can also put our hands on our heart, we can create safety.
And we can all be in this together, because we are all in this together. Uou know, as this fabric of women lifting up and reclaiming our sexuality and being liberated through it, and all of like that juicy like, ecstasy that our bodies are wired for. We can really band together and support each other. And like Instagram is one of the places that I do that regularly. And I have a lot of fun doing it there.
So that’s one place. And then of course, on the podcast that Maggie had mentioned a couple of times, It’s My Pleasure. That’s where I take kind of some of the concepts or these light hearted videos that I talk about. And I go really deeper into how you can apply those to your life and what we’re really talking about here and more of this mindset and this mind body connection.
And then I have a Group Coaching program where it’s like, the next level. Like okay, we’re ready to do this work. Like your turned on woman is in there, let’s unleash her. Let me show you how to access all that pleasure in your body. Let me show you how to access that passion in your marriage or your partnership. Again, that’s called Better Sex in 90 days, and that’s just a juicy, 90 day fun, you know, thing to do.
Maggie
Love it. It’s so good. And we will link to Danielle’s website and her podcast and her Instagram on the show notes so you can always find them there. You can go to maggiereyes.com/podcast. You can see all her information there. What is your Instagram handle? Tell us one more time for those that just want to go follow you right now.
Danielle Savory
It’s @danielle.savory.
Maggie
Perfect. Okay. Thank you for saying yes. Thank you for this rich, amazing conversation. Thank you for thinking about sex so much to help all of us have better sex.
Danielle Savory
Yes, thank you for having me. It was so fun, as always.
Maggie
Bye, everyone.