Dear Lovely ModernMarried Readers I am so delighted to share the very first Guest Post by my beloved hubsicle today. When you read this you might think he is dreamy and wise and has a way with words. In other words, you might figure out why I married him.
Super Extra Special Guest Post
By The Hubs
Hello, everyone, it’s Maggie’s hubby, A.K.A. The Hubs. My wife has sweet talked me into writing a guest post, so here it is:
First, since this is a beginning, I thought I’d share about another beginning. My story with Maggie began with Truth, Love, and Courage, here is how it all started, back when Maggie and I met, I had a spiritual discussion group, which was how Maggie and I came to connect before I asked her out.
The same day I sent Maggie the e-mail in which I officially asked her out, I sent another e-mail to my spiritual discussion group. This one was about how everything I needed to learn to be on the spiritual path I learned from a video game.
This game talked about how the Principles of Truth, Love, and Courage created the virtues that the characters aspired to live by in the game. You could combine the principles with each other to make virtues so Truth and Courage would make Honor and Love and Truth would make Justice, etc.
Back then, I shared how crucial those 3 principles were to one’s spiritual growth.
What I could not know then is that these principles would be even more important when entering a serious relationship and, eventually, marriage.
So this is what I want to talk about today, is how those principles are key to a happily married life.
Truth
A good marriage must be based on truth, no doubt about it. You have to be yourself, share the real you, be willing to face the parts of yourself that even you’ve been hiding for yourself. You have to be authentic about who you are, what you like, what you don’t like. This is a tall order when dating, when you want to put your best foot forward and make a good impression, but a relationship based on lies is a house made of straw, it will not survive the first strong wind.
Pretending to be what you are not in order to be with someone is a recipe for misery and disaster. In a marriage, you have to share who are, every day, as you grow and evolve, and listen to the truth of who your spouse is if you are going to continue to grow and evolve towards the same future.
When Maggie and I met, I was committed to being fully who I was, sharing my truth in a way my former, unenlightened self would have considered foolish and reckless, but only by being authentic could I have communicated with Maggie in a way that allowed us to build the amazing relationship we have today.
Consider sharing more of yourself (a little at a time is OK) with those around you and see how your world changes. When I started being authentic, not everyone was comfortable with my new, spiritual self, but I had a much stronger relationship with those that did accept me for who I chose to be.
Love
Love is the price of admission AND the reward of any healthy marriage. If you would have a healthy relationship, then you can’t come into it out of need, you must come into it out of love. You must come in loving yourself, and ready to give of yourself, give of your love to the one you would be with.
If you don’t come in happy and full of love to share, then instead of being a bright sun shining your love into your significant other, you will be the other thing, a black hole, sucking light and love voraciously, trying to fill a hole in yourself that no one can ever fill for you.
And you don’t half-ass love. You have to be willing to love someone fully, you have to love all of them, even the parts that they’re afraid to share. If both of you practice love in this way, you will create a sacred space of love and healing, that will create a sanctuary for both of you and bring you joy every day.
When I met Maggie, I had just finished an exciting and fulfilling year of following my passions, stretching my horizons, and rediscovering the real, joyous me that had been forgotten behind the 9 to 5 drudgery of life. Reigniting my inner fire and loving myself was the key to being ready to share and love my future wife when she came along.
Do you love yourself fully, or are there parts of yourself you prefer to hide or ignore? Try accepting or forgiving yourself for something your own inner judge disapproves of. Loving yourself unconditionally will result in you having plenty of love to share.
Courage
Finally, you must have courage. Courage is the fuel that makes everything else happen. Sharing yourself, all of yourself, takes courage. Being willing to love (and possibly have your heart broken) takes courage. Spreading your wings so you can soar takes courage. Without courage, there can be no action, and no results.
I have had plenty of heart-pumping adventures, from whitewater canoeing to skydiving, if there was fear and risk and challenge involved, I wanted to try it. However, I discovered that for me, sharing the real me and opening my heart to possible heartbreak was the scariest, most adrenaline-pumping thing in the world, scarier than skydiving or anything else I had done.
Practicing courage is the one thing that transformed my world and set the stage for meeting and falling head over heels over Maggie.
Courage is a muscle, the more you do scary things, they easier they get. Try facing some small fears, so when a (potential or current) relationship requires you to act with courage, you’re ready to act.
It might seem simplistic, but if you bring these principles into your marriage, you will be equipped, for the good times and the bad, because when your relationship has a breakdown, there ain’t nothing that a little Truth, Love, and Courage can’t fix.
(If you are curious about this game, go here for the wiki: Ultima IV: Quest of the Avatar.)
How have you applied these principles in your marriage? How could you apply them going forward? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please share in the comments.
{This is Maggie just chiming in to say, Didn’t he do a GREAT JOB? So proud of The Hubster! And he really *would* love to read your comments and thoughts so please share!}
