Oh Dear Beautiful ModernMarried Readers, this week’s post is hot, steamy, sexy, and soulful. It’s also really practical, actionable advice from one of my favorite online friends. Ande Lyons is a little ball of light and love that wants couples everywhere to stay connected. We met on Twitter and it was “love at first tweet.” I believe every marriage needs to have a healthy sex life to truly be happy, healthy and whole. Ande’s tips are some of my favorites. Enjoy!
By Ande Lyons, Chief Passion Curator @ BringBackDesire.com
Love doesn’t sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread: remade all the time, made new ~ Og Mandino
Congratulations! This is a wonderful time in your life – you’ve married your favorite person in the whole world and have set sail on a life together… filled with love, honor, cherishing… and great sex!
Okay, so the first three (love, honor, cherishing) you can definitely see happening for the rest of your marriage, but have you ever wondered how to avoid getting physically and emotionally bored with the same person over the next 50+ years?
Well, after 26 years with the same darling man, I’m here to tell you it can be done… and it can be better than ever, decades after you tossed that garter!
Here are some tips to keep your [not so newly] newlywed passion burning and your love and romance alive…
Stay in touch, literally! Sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner emphasizes the importance of having as much physical contact as possible on a daily basis. “It may sound obvious, but once you’re married you tend to become less lovey-dovey and more complacent as you sit side by side, tapping away on your laptops, rather than holding hands or hugging.” Hugging, snuggling, holding hands and kissing for more than 30-60 seconds releases oxytocin in the brain, which not only makes you feel yummy, it also increases your feelings of attachment to someone.
Respect differences. No shocker here – but men and women perceive most things differently. Men need to be appreciated (“thanks honey!”) while women really need to be understood (“wow, I hear you…!”). Women love to tell stories, while men like to get to the point quickly. Women love to anticipate needs. Men are not subtle, nor are they good mind readers. Knowing your gender differences and clarifying and adjusting expectations in the right way makes it easier and a lot more fun to keep your love alive.
Change the recipe. The “shopping” phase is over… now it’s time to focus on creating fresh new recipes of arousal and desire… keep things hot by adding different spices. Participate in an adventure together that you’ve never done… whether it’s sailing for the first time or taking a cooking class. Preserving a sense of “play” and newness actually stimulates arousal and desire… and bonds you closer together.
Schedule intimacy. I realize this doesn’t sound at all romantic, especially while you’re in the early stages of your relationship when all you need is a “look” and you’re ready to go! But as life gets busy, children are born, and challenging times flow through your lives, the most important thing you can do for your marriage is to make “alone time” a priority. The best way to do it is by “scheduling intimacy.”
Intimacy isn’t just for night time; try afternoon delights and early morning risers… get creative! Turn your bedroom into a romantic oasis, or book a hotel for a quick getaway… during the day! And start the foreplay hours… even days in advance… use a few titillating text messages or a send a glimpse of a new piece of lingerie… and sharing a nice long kiss goodbye in the morning gets a couple off to a great start.
Share your needs. You have sexual needs and desires… and you need to share these feelings with your sweetheart. If you’re not sure what might turn you on, read some sex books or dive into a romantic erotic novel… they have plenty of fun ideas and examples of what you might try together.
If you’re shy, just point to the passage or sections in the books to show your darling what you find arousing. Learning to share openly in this way will benefit more than your sex lives. It will strengthen the foundation of your marriage and help you get through the peaks and valleys we all experience. You might try adding role playing to your intimate moments to keep things exciting and fresh. Don’t forget those buzzing little toys from the Far East. They come in a great variety, and they’re fun and effective!
Grow together. In The Kosher Sutra Rabbi Shmuley tells us “eroticism is the thrilling desire to connect: to know, to explore, to penetrate, and to comprehend.” As you both continue to evolve, shift and change over the years, staying intimate helps illuminate every part of your lives together… so you don’t lose touch… emotionally, physically or spiritually.
After your walk down the aisle, life gets busy with daily routines, and sex can tumble away if you’re not careful. By putting these tips into practice you’ll keep the newlywed glow throughout your marriage!
Ande Lyons is certainly familiar with the cry of ‘someone stole my sex drive!’ She and her husband have been loving each other for 27 years and, after navigating ALL the turbulent waves of life events, we’re still turned on and tuned in – with each other. As the founder and Chief Passion Curator for BringBackDesire.com, she tastefully and playfully shares tips, tools and resources with women who want more sexual excitement in their lives. Ande is the host of After Dark Radio Show, where she helps couples stay tuned in through her engaging and informative conversations with sexperts and relationship experts.
An enthusiastic and experienced entrepreneur with an MBA and several successful businesses to her credit, Ande is enjoying a well-balanced life (really!) managing her growing business while raising two wonderful boys with her darling husband.
Wasn’t that just YUMMY? My favorite tip was “stay in touch.” The Hubs and I *love* holding hands – now I know WHY!
This week’s LoveWork is easy. Choose one of Ande’s fabulous tips and GO FOR IT! Keep that spicy feeling alive.
QUESTION for the comments: What would you add to this list?
If you enjoyed this post, please Like it! Pin It! or Tweet it! Our community of love and creativity grows thanks to inspired hearts likes yours. Now go love and be loved. XO
