We have all heard stories about couples who went to couples counseling and say it didn’t work for them.
Why?
Because you can’t un-burn a pie.
Stay with me for a minute.
Let’s say you are baking an apple pie and you leave it in the oven too long and you make the temperature too high and it burns.
Then you take it out of the oven, bring the pie to the Executive Chef if a 3 star Michelin rated restaurant and ask her to un-burn it for you.
Even one of the best Chefs in the world can not un-burn a pie.
So what happens in marriage?
We argue. We let resentments build up. We slowly burn at a high temperature and all the positive regard we have built up over the years starts to evaporate.
Then we go to a marriage counselor who is highly trained in what healthy relationships look like and is fully capable of teaching anyone how to have one and don’t understand why they can’t help us in our situation.
Guess what? Even the best counselor in the world cannot un-burn a relationship pie.
When counseling, coaching or therapy work, (even after our metaphorical pie is burnt) what usually happens is what Esther Perel calls “starting a second marriage with the same person.”
In other words, you bake a new pie. You literally start a new relationship with the same person without the patterns of dysfunction that you had before.
To keep our pie analogy going – you take the same ingredients, but mix them in a completely different way and it really does feel like a second marriage to the same person.
When you start feeling disconnected in your relationship you have two options –
Take the pie out of the oven *before* it burns, or bake a new one.
So what does that mean for you?
It means – STOP WAITING.
TAKE THE PIE OUT OF THE OVEN – before it burns.
If it is starting to feel crispy, lower that temperature.
And if it’s already burning – start mixing those ingredients in a whole new way. Start on your next pie now.
If you rate the joy you are currently feeling in your marriage on a scale of 1 to 10 and you are under a 7. GET HELP NOW.
Stop waiting.
One of the things I coach clients on is the deeply difficult question, “Should I stay or should I go?”
They come to me when they are on the verge of separation and trying to figure out the next chapter of their lives.
It is such a delicate moment of life to be in. It is my honor to help my clients map out what truly matters to them and take steps towards creating a new chapter that is completely different from the previous one.
However, and this is important….
It would be so much better for them, and for everyone else in their lives if instead of waiting until that relationship was almost fully burnt, they came to me when the pie was still cooking and the heat could be turned down and the questions we are answering are
“How can I stay?”
“What do I need for myself and my relationship to make this work?”
“How can I start on that now? Before it’s too late.”
This is my invitation to you today: I cordially, lovingly, powerfully invite you to STOP WAITING.
If you resonate with my work and my style, then take the leap and reach out to me about my coaching packages now and let’s get you back on track so when I ask you how you rate how much joy are experiencing in your marriage on a scale of 1 to 10, you don’t think twice and say, 7!, 8!, 9! Or be super bold and shout 11! 😉
