EPISODE #137 – How to Be a Human Being | My Copywriter’s Experience of The Marriage Mindset Makeover
Coach, copywriter, mentor, friend, colleague – these are just a few words I use to describe Miish Grixti.
Miish helps me write the sales pages for my programs, as well as some of the emails that land in your inbox. She decided to go through The Marriage Mindset Makeover for herself so she could get in-depth experience that would allow her to support me even more!
That level of commitment and support really wowed me, and I knew I had to invite her on the podcast to talk about her experience.
I think one of your favorite takeaways from my conversation with Miish will be how much we love getting to be human together. We’re all just figuring out how to be a human being every day, and sharing that part of my work with Miish and my clients is so meaningful to me.
Miish already had a really strong relationship that she was more than happy with. But she shares about running into key concepts in The Marriage Mindset Makeover that broke her brain as she realized she could apply them to her already-good relationship and make it even better. If you can relate to that, you’ll definitely want to keep reading!
How to be a human being while getting relationship coaching
“Always be friending” is something that stuck with Miish from my teachings in The Marriage Mindset Makeover. That concept was created from my love of social media. On Facebook and Instagram, the algorithm responds to how often you like and comment on someone’s posts.
Think about this algorithm applied to your relationship!
Imagine you have a love algorithm where the more you like, comment, and participate in someone’s life, the more you connect and deepen your relationship. Miish explains how that idea gave her a lot more awareness of opportunities to connect with her partner and her power to choose to prioritize that connection.
“I know I value connection and it’s … a two-way thing, usually. And so even that ability to catch myself and give my attention and friendship and yeah, interaction there in that way – not in a performative way, but in that really intentional way – how that changes the trajectory for the rest of the day always blows my mind.”
It’s not to say that you’ll be perfect at it every time, but you don’t need perfection.
Being a human while getting relationship coaching means we get to show up in all our mess and still create meaning and still choose what it is we want, on purpose.
The Anger Scale is another tool Miish really loved.
Miish shared, “The other night we were driving home from a show in town, and my partner prefers to have the windows down while driving, but I get cold. I wanted to be angry about his preference. In that moment, I got to choose whether that was something I really cared about and where I’d rate it on the anger scale.”
These tools so quickly become like second nature for our brains to use, and that’s what I love about them. We honor that you’re the expert of your own experience. And so these tools don’t ask us to ignore our humanness, they give us choices within it.
Cultivating power and ownership in your marriage mindset
When we talk about a human who identifies as a woman in their marriage, power and ownership are words I’m deeply inspired by.
It’s about deciding to own her relationship, and deciding what she needs in order to be satisfied, fulfilled, happy, and delighted. And it starts with your brain, and your marriage mindset.
Miish noticed a shift in her own relationship when she took power and ownership to heart. As someone who already felt very happy and solid in her partnership, one of her worries was that despite all the good things, she didn’t feel enough connection.
“My brain started to offer me that thought all the time – ‘I don’t feel enough connection’ – and I felt powerless to it.”
But she learned that she really wasn’t powerless to change it. She realized that while it may have been the truth of her experience, she could create a stronger sense of connection without asking her partner to change or making anything a problem.
One thing she and her partner do now that they didn’t before is when they come back together after a day apart, they ask each other how their day was.
“It’s not a performative thing,” she says. “I’m putting my phone down, putting my bag down, you have my full attention, and I’m going to ask questions that I’m genuinely interested to hear your response to. I didn’t have to ask him to show that to me, but the moment I started modeling that, it was shocking how quickly it became the norm.”
The second development in Miish’s relationship was that she decided to prioritize requests over demands.
“I would notice the bin was getting full and getting frustrated that he hadn’t decided to empty it yet. I realized I could just ask him! But I had to get emotionally ready to frame it as a request instead of a demand, and that meant being prepared to hear a ‘no, I don’t have time.’
99% of the time when I make a request with the energy of being willing to hear no, it’s easy for him to respond positively. More often than not, he’s happy to do it.”
Get the tools to redefine your marriage mindset
Your mindset creates your relationship. It’s the key ingredient that creates everything. If you want to stop being frustrated with how you respond to disagreements or fights and show up as the person you want to be, I want to invite you to The Marriage Mindset Makeover.
These five workshops are available to take at your own pace, so you have time to learn and implement each tool as you go. You’ll find more about always be friending, thinking on purpose, and The Anger Scale like Miish talked about in our conversation.
If you’re ready to build a better relationship with yourself and your honey, this is how you can get results.
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: