Quick heads up before we dive in: this blog post and the podcast episode that accompanies it are NOT spoiler-free! We go deep on specific scenes and moments, so if you haven’t watched it yet & you don’t like spoilers, save this for another day.

If you missed Part 1, go back and start there — we set up so much context about why this show matters, & we dig into courage, shame, & being seen.

I’m joined again by the brilliant Laura Jurgens, PhD — a Somatic Sex & Intimacy Specialist and Master Certified Intimacy & Relationship Coach who works at the intersection of attachment and sexuality. She’s a bisexual woman bringing her own lived experience to this conversation,and we’re both speaking from our specific lenses, which feels especially worth naming here in Part 2.

As we celebrate PRIDE month, I also want to acknowledge that as a cisgender heterosexual woman, I will never fully understand the lived experiences of the gay and bisexual characters in this show. But as a person who loves love both in real life and on TV, I have LOTS OF THOUGHTS. And I’m so grateful for the deep joy this celebration of queer love has brought to my life.

One of my favorite things about Part 2 is that we got to talk about two things at once: the show itself and the phenomenon — the effect it’s had out in the world, especially on women.

Because the response to this show says something. There’s an old narrative I run into constantly as a relationship coach: that women just don’t like sex as much as men do. It’s a cultural myth and the wave of women lighting up over this show is one more piece of evidence against it.

Why “Women Don’t Like Sex” Is a Myth

Laura put it so clearly: everybody has a different relationship to their sexuality — some people like it more, some less. The problem is the cultural narrative that turns women’s desire into a monolith & decides, on our behalf, that sex isn’t something we enjoy.

One of her favorite teachers, Emily Nagoski, says it best: women like good sex — they just don’t like sex that isn’t good for them! So much of our modern sexual script is written for and around men’s sexuality. So of course, women don’t love sex that’s only for men. We like sex that’s actually for us.

The Pizza That Explains Your Libido

This was the moment that cracked it wide open for me. In Laura’s practice, so many women arrive convinced they have “low libido.” And most of the time, when you scratch the surface, that’s not what’s happening at all. They don’t want less sex — they want really different sex than what they’ve been getting, and they’ve been disappointed for so long they’ve stopped expecting more.

Her analogy: if you could only ever eat pizza on someone else’s schedule, at the time they wanted, the type they wanted, as fast as they wanted you to eat it — you wouldn’t want pizza either! It’s not about the pizza. It’s about the fact that it’s not for you.

And that’s true far beyond the bedroom. So many of us are putting up with versions of things that were never designed for us and then blaming ourselves for not wanting them.

Stop Guessing, Start Asking

A throughline of our whole conversation: so much of what keeps us stuck is guessing. Guessing what our partner wants, guessing what’s allowed, guessing instead of asking. The coaching homework Laura and I kept circling back to is simple but not easy — stop guessing & start asking. It doesn’t have to be the biggest thing. Start with the smallest thing that feels okay to ask, & ask it.

We watch this play out beautifully in the cottage episode (episode five — the famous “I’m coming into the cottage” one!). When Shane asks, “Will you come to my cottage this summer?” he’s really saying: this is what I want. One of my forever-favorite Oprah quotes lives right here — you get in life what you have the courage to ask for.

Rose & Why We All Need Allies

One of my favorite threads is the conversation with Rose. She does such a beautiful job of saying, essentially, “I see you — do you see you?” Shane understands something about himself he couldn’t fully see until he had that conversation. Which is exactly why we need friends, coaches, therapists, people a little outside the situation who can help us see ourselves, because we can’t always do it in a vacuum.

And the way Rose stays with him — encouraging him, laughing with him, de-shaming the whole thing gives him an ally. It’s okay to need allies. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own.

When Fear Runs the Show

Episode four (titled “Rose”) gave us a perfect emotions lesson. As a coach, I talk all the time about the difference between letting an emotion run your life versus being in a relationship with that emotion and deciding how you want to manage it. When you let fear run the show, you break up, you feel awful and you react to try to fix the feeling. (And as Laura pointed out, sometimes letting fear run the show keeps you with someone you shouldn’t stay with, too.)

The Russian Monologue: Saying It Out Loud

This might be our favorite moment of all. Ilya finally admits his feelings out loud — in Russian, where Shane can’t even understand him and it changes everything from that moment forward. Laura named the body piece so well: when you suppress what you have to say, you hold a bracing pattern in your body, locking down your own life-force energy. And the relief of finally saying the thing out loud — even just to yourself — is enormous.

It’s also a gorgeous example of going first & turning toward each other. Both characters take turns going first and some of the biggest moments are Ilya doing exactly that.

Vulnerability Is the Game-Changer

The emotional engine underneath all of it is still vulnerability. One of our favorite moments is the tunnel scene, where Ilya finally admits his feelings to himself. As Laura pointed out, there’s no way forward with anything until you admit your own feelings & desires to yourself first.

There’s something powerful about actually using your voice to say: this is real for me, this is what I want, this is who I am and having someone stay with you when you do. That, Laura said, is so much of what she works on with clients around sexual shame.

Trusting Your Vision

Then we zoomed out to the creative bravery behind the show. Writer-producer Jacob Tierney wanted to make a show about a book he loved, and he wanted to make it his way. And when he did it became one of the most faithful book adaptations out there (huge credit to author Rachel Reid, too).

What moved me was the conviction: this is what I want to make, this is how I want to make it, & if you’re not on board with this vision, I’ll find someone who is. Staying true to that intuitive guidance, in a culture that constantly encourages us to second-guess ourselves, is its own kind of bravery. And here’s the paradox I love: the more specific and personal his vision was, the more universal it became.

Collaboration & Co-Creating

A vision that clear also creates a kind of magnetism — it draws in the people you need and lets them help build it with you. Laura and I both loved that a strong vision and true collaboration aren’t opposites; they need each other.

And that’s exactly how it works in relationships. We co-create everything together. We can hold deep respect for our own needs and our partner’s needs at the same time and get playful about fitting the puzzle pieces together so it’s win-win.

The Real Takeaway 

The bravest thing you can do is say what you actually want — to yourself first and then out loud. That’s what changes desire, relationships, whole creative lives, on screen and off.

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Listen to Part 2

This is Part 2 of a two-part conversation with Laura Jurgens. If you missed Part 1 — courage, shame and being seen — go back & start there.

Listen to Part 1

This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation with Laura Jurgens where we talked about courage, shame & being seen.

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Connect with Laura Jurgens

Laura Jurgens, PhD is a Somatic Sex & Intimacy Specialist and Master Certified Intimacy & Relationship Coach specializing in desire, arousal, attachment, and nervous system work with individuals and couples. A former university professor with a PhD in biological sciences, she is dual-certified through the Somatica Institute and the NeuroAffective Touch Institute, with additional training from the Life Coach School. Her approach is research-backed, body-based, trauma-informed, and explicitly inclusive. She hosts The Pleasure Uprising Podcast and sees clients through her private practice at laurajurgens.com. 

Visit Laura’s website: www.laurajurgens.com   

Follow Laura on Instagram: @laura.jurgens.coach

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About Maggie Reyes

Maggie Reyes is a Master Certified Life Coach and feminist marriage coach for high-achieving women who want to strengthen marriages that feel stuck but not broken. She is the host of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, ranked in the top 2% globally, where she teaches high-achieving women the practical relationship skills they were never taught in school.

Through individual marriage coaching for women, Maggie helps clients improve communication, reconnect emotionally, and create real change in their relationships — even if their partner isn’t interested in couples therapy or coaching. She is the author of the bestselling Questions for Couples Journal and creator of the Soul-Centered Communication framework.

Maggie’s work is rooted in feminist values. While she primarily works with women married to men — navigating the patriarchal programming (and deprogramming) that shapes those relationships — she has also supported women in same-sex marriages. The same kinds of communication patterns, emotional disconnection, conflict loops, and repair skills apply regardless of gender. Her work is inclusive of diverse identities and experiences.

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If you love your husband but feel disconnected, stuck in the same arguments, or exhausted from carrying the emotional load of the relationship, you’re not alone — and your side of the table is where your power lives.

Maggie specializes in individual marriage coaching for high-achieving women who want to feel loved, respected, and deeply connected again. Whether you’re looking for communication tools, emotional clarity, or a new way forward in your marriage, you’ll find support here.

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✨ Transparency Note

This blog post was inspired by The Marriage Life Coach Podcast episode, prepared by my team and helped by AI. IT REALLY TAKES A VILLAGE PEOPLE ;-).

Thank you for reading, it’s an honor to be part of your day.